My wife actually got worried about my drinking so much regular milk, you know, so she got me into rice milk and now soy milk, which I greatly enjoy. A soy mocha's a fine thing.

There was a woman who absolutely loved the music of Billy Joel and Paul McCartney. She loved them so much she decided to have their images tattooed on her body. She went to a tattoo parlor and told the artist she wanted Billy Joel tattooed on her left thigh, and Paul McCartney tattooed on her right thigh. When the job was completed, the artist gave her a mirror to inspect his work. She exclaimed that neither of the images looked like what they were supposed to be. The artist said let's get another opinion. He went out to the street, saw Little Johnny and asked him to come in and assist with a little problem. There sat the woman, with her legs apart, and the artist asked Little Johnny what he saw. He replied, 'Well..... that looks like Billy Joel on her left, and Paul McCartney on her right...... and that looks like Willie Nelson in the middle.

Did you hear the news that Willie Nelson died last night?
Yeah I heard he was hit by a car, he was playing On the Road Again!