I’ll never grow a mustache on my face
And I was not born in Lynwood, California
I’ve got no Grammy’s on my shelves
‘Cause I’m just a clown
He’s king court jester

Still I write songs ‘bout-
Facebook, Spongebob, eating carnival food
Taylor Swift’s dates, guy who wants to hex you
It’s not fair...I play accordion in my dreams.

But everybody's like
“You just copy everything he’s done first…
Even got an army of flowered shirts!”
I don’t care...it isn’t right to even compare!

‘Cause I’ll never be Weird Al (Weird Al)
I just try to have fun
I guess I’m just a par’dy putz
I’ll never have my own tour bus

People say, “Hey loser (loser)...
Do not call Doctor D!
You stink and he rules (he rules, he rules, he rules…)”
But I’ll write my parodies.

His Amish song is more well known...
Than my six tributes to pro-cras-ti-na-tion
And he’s out playing sold out shows
But I’m fine with this
I sit in my apartment...

I’m writing songs ‘bout
Two girls one cup, addicted to Pinterest
Bad names, bad food, four on Miley Cyrus
I don’t care, ‘cause I will never match “TMZ”

I’ve covered people like...
Ke$ha, Green Day, even One Direction
Britney, Faith Hill, Bruno Mars, Phil Collins
Don’t compare...though I would love have your curly hair

But I'll never be Weird Al (Weird Al)
I just try to have fun
His kind of fun is more well loved
And more people think mine’s just dumb

If I meet Bermuda (“You sir…”)
Then Weird Al and I meet...
And they’ll say I rule (I rule? I rule? I rule!?)
But that’s just a fantasy

Oooh ooooh ohhh
We’re different, why can’t you all see?
My eyes are blue, his a brown sheen
Oooooh ooooh ohhhhh
Crowd goes wild wild he is near
My girlfriend just doesn’t even care

But I’m different than Weird Al (yeah, how?)
I’m shorter than six-one
That twenty-seven, Al just loves...
And twenty-six my number, bud!

Denim makes him cooler (oh geez)
But I stick with khaki’s
But you think “You fool! (You fool! You fool! You fool!)”
Let me write my parodies