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Song Parodies -> "Arrest These Swarthy Gentlemen"

Original Song Title:

"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"Arrest These Swarthy Gentlemen"

Parody Written by:

MooRocca

The Lyrics

This is NOT autobiographical, nor is it based on any real person. It's just a satirical look at one possible POV. I had laid this aside, because kicking around in this character's paranoid delusional head was unsettling and unpleasant, but Guy did such a great job of illustrating an opposite extreme with a parody of this same song that I wanted to finish it and present it as a complementary piece to his. Several different lyric sets exist for this song, I wrote it to the set I learned as a child. The lyrics at http://www.nevada.edu/~blake/Christmas.carols.html come very, very close to matching those lyrics, the only difference is that in the first line of the second verse, I was taught to sing "in Bethlehem in Is-rae-el" rather than "in Bethlehem in Jew'ry"
Arrest these swarthy gentlemen
Take everything they say
Against them in a court of law
Don't let them get away
It's obvious they're terrorists
Can't hide what hue betrays
Oh, Oh SWAT teams should be-e-e deployed!
Ordered deployed
Oh, oh SW(ah)-AT teams should be-e-e deployed!

I'm scared of them, they're born to kill
Each one of them, be warned
Their presence is a da-a-nger
So do your duty sworn
Remove them from society
All deviants from norm
Oh, oh save us from thei-eir evil ploys
Sinister ploys
Oh, oh sa-ave us from the-eir evil ploys

Their God they claim is one with mine,
How dare they speak His name?
They're clearly spawns of Sa-a-tan
They bear their master's stain
Against good folks like me they're sworn
They're evil and insane.
Oh, oh, they are in Lucifer's employ
Satan's employ
Oh, oh, the-ey are in Lucifer's employ

"Cannot?" are you in league with them?
Don't wait until they strike!
Prevent their reign of te-e-rror
Remove them from my sight!
They breed unchecked, who's watching them?
They don't deserve our rights,
Oh, oh I'll have no co-omfort or joy
Til they're destroyed
Oh, oh I will have no co-omfort or joy

The lot of them are frightening
Please rid us of their kind
With keyless locks, no plea-eadings
Pray justice swift and blind
Will sentence them to death straightway,
Each one of them you find
Oh, oh find them and every one destroy,
Quickly destroy
Oh, oh fi-ind them and every one destroy.

And when they beg salva-a-tion
Ignore what-e'r they say,
Remember they're a da-a-nger,
And we must make them pay
Like animals just put them down,
And make them go away
Oh, oh give them no co-omfort or joy,
Comfort or joy
O, deny-y them all co-omforts and joy.

When you've restored our sa-ameness,
And saved the human race,
We'll with true love and brotherhood
Each other then embrace;
So stem their tide of Evilness
And cleanse my sweet Earth's face.
Oh let all of us who co-onform rejoice
Revel with joy!
Oh let all of us who co-onform rejoice.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 1
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 0
 
 4   1
 2
 2
 
 5   8
 5
 7
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Phil Alexander - November 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Now that is *good*
Melhi - November 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks Phil!
Rick D - November 18, 2003 - Report this comment
I'm with Phil
Melhi - November 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks Rick! (Come back! Unless you voted this morning, I think you forgot to vote.)
Rick D - November 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Tried it again. Didn't take. Must have. Love out.
Meriadoc - November 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Very thoughtful parody, Melhi. And well executed (no bad pun intended).
Melhi - November 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Rick, you didn't really have to come back to check, but thanks! That was very nice of you! Guess you must have caught it, this morning.
Melhi - November 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks Merry! Hey, I happened to catch the tail end of a promo for yet another dinosaur special on cable (probably Discovery channel) and couldn't help but think of your 'Ventin' New Dinosaurs parody. :)
John Jenkins - November 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Very good job of poking fun at a rational position taken to an irrational extreme. Well rhymed, as well.
Melhi - November 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks John!
Claude Prez - November 19, 2003 - Report this comment
Outstanding.
Melhi - November 19, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks Claude!
Guy - November 19, 2003 - Report this comment
Melhi, This was way more than I expected when you commented on mine that you were going to do this. So glad that you wrote and posted this. It is so very true what you write and I have believed this about them oh so long now. I think George Bush knows this as well but he has to walk that fine line between secularism and his own convictions. Great, great, great, great write. I'm glad mine was out first because I would have probably never posted it otherwise since this is such a very hard act to follow. You did this justice. Nice, nice nice!
Melhi - November 19, 2003 - Report this comment
Wow, thanks, Guy! Even if I'd gone back to this one to finish it, I probably wouldn't have submitted it if you hadn't posted yours and then said you'd like to see mine, when I mentioned it. Glad you enjoyed it. :)
Diva - November 19, 2003 - Report this comment
An excellent work , Melhi !
Melhi - November 19, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks Diva!
Mr. X - November 20, 2003 - Report this comment
Ditto on Diva, Guy, Claude, and everybody else's comments.
Melhi - November 20, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks Mr. X
2nz - December 01, 2003 - Report this comment
Excellent 'execution' of the song, to pardon the already-used-pun, and excellent pacing. Subject matter is a bit too heavy, but it's intentional in this case. Excellent job.
Melhi - December 01, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks 2nz!
Spaff.com - December 01, 2003 - Report this comment
I'm not sure everyone caught just how much this drips with sarcasm. Sarcasm good. Melhi good.
Melhi - December 01, 2003 - Report this comment
Well, I've been being as good as possible, this year, Spaff, because I'm hoping to get "Elves Gone Wild" in my stocking, instead! :) Thanks!
Melhi - December 01, 2003 - Report this comment
Oops, I meant to say, "instead of the usual lumps of coal!"
Spaff.com - December 02, 2003 - Report this comment
Well, if *that's* what you want for Christmas, then you're obviously a damn good girl.
Melhi - December 02, 2003 - Report this comment
Spaff... Yep!
Ann Coulter - December 04, 2003 - Report this comment
My favorite parody yet, but how dare you call them "gentlemen"!
Michael Pacholek - December 04, 2003 - Report this comment
One of the better parodies, and one of the very best parody titles.
Melhi - December 04, 2003 - Report this comment
Wow, thanks Michael!
David Chrenko - December 28, 2003 - Report this comment
Just got around to this one - Great title & parody. This deserves to make the rounds again.
Melhi - December 28, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks David!!
pre-wipe tally - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Pacing - 17 fives
Funny - 12 fives, 3 fours, 2 threes
Overall - 17 fives

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