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Song Parodies -> "Streets of Ferguson MO"

Original Song Title:

"Streets of Laredo (or El Paso)"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"Streets of Ferguson MO"

Parody Written by:

Barry J. Mitchel

The Lyrics

Any resemblance to persons living or dead on 9 August 2014 is purely coincidental.
As I drove down a paved street of Missouri,
Aft I'd helped out sick black baby that day,
I spied a teen-ager, tall, trapped in dark skin 'n'
Snapped up in slight sinnin' and bold as a jay (walker).

That morning, he'd shopped at a store marked "Convenience,"
Then shoved down white cashier, neglecting to pay;
Thought if he were caught, some ol' judge would show lenience,
For it was his only offense yet that day.

'Twas one box of smokes that he'd use to roll hash in;
'Twas one box of smokes that he'd choose to make hay.
First clown opposin', that head he would bash in;
Hot pot is the best and they're buying today.

"I see by your outfit that you are a coward."
These words he did say as I slowly drove by.
Some hit-downs and I realized how he towered;
For I fought him my best, and I'd say he's just high.

He lunged for my sidearm; it shot his small finger.
His blood tinged my gun ere he bolted away.
I in my patrol car no longer could linger;
Had I been a coward, I surely would stay.

I yelled "Stop your runnin', lie down on the pavement!"
Those words I did shout as I quickly gave chase.
He turned, charged, avenging ancestors' enslavement.
I shot him six times ere he fell on his face.

His body lay prone on the street for two hours,
Forensic teams, late, kept bystanders at bay.
Protesters the spot marked with bouquets of flowers,
Then vowed to seek justice and for his soul pray.

Grand jurors plumb slowly and grade testimony,
Are swayed not by marches, nay harrying folk song.
They heed not loud rallies with race-bait clods, phony,
For I am sprung now; they can't show I'd done wrong.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 0
 
 5   12
 12
 13
 

User Comments

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Barry J. Mitchel - December 02, 2014 - Report this comment
In line 4, "Rapped" might be better than "Snapped".
In line 29, "weigh" fits TOS better than "grade".
Line 25 (two hours) should end with a period, not a comma.
To anyone inclined to vote "1-1-1", I plead "Hands up; don't shoot!"
Easy On The Trigger - December 02, 2014 - Report this comment
Make all the changes you want: you don't know squat about what happened. "Hands up" and other eyewitness reports are all at odds and dubious. We do know that Wilson's first action was to shout "Get the f**ck on the sidewalk." Great, productive community policing! Then he positioned his patrol car to cut off Brown and his friend's progress. Brown may have been high, but he didn't deserve to die. Wilson needlessly escalated the encounter, with deadly results. Cops are pulling this crap all over the country, especially where Blacks are involved. For Christ's sake, there are better ways to handle a misdemeanor, like with non-lethal inhibitors: pepper spray, tasers, rubber bullets, nets, etc. In Cleveland, something more egregious happened: a 12-year-old kid was instantly shot for brandishing a gun which turned out to be a toy. The cops had pulled over to him closely when they could have assumed a standoff position and talked to the kid over the loudspeaker. Black life is cheap to you and other fringe righters. Go back to opposing Obamacare. You're not worth the time to read. Plead all you want, it's 1-1-1, and you don't even deserve that. Get a freakin' conscience!
Barry J. Mitchel - December 02, 2014 - Report this comment
I admit that my version is only the officer's story and the conclusion of the grand jury. Was his first instruction that you quote in the GJ's report? I missed it. If you knew how much money and time I've devoted to helping a certain black contractor build his business, post bail and clear up traffic/DUI tickets, you would drop your "black life is cheap" accusation. I'm a "righter" but not a "fringe" one.
Easy On The Trigger - December 02, 2014 - Report this comment
See Dorian Johnson's Grand Jury testimony, P. 45. It is not possible to cut and paste it here.
Callmelennie - December 02, 2014 - Report this comment
Love the insanity of Easy on the Trigger. A grand jury in Missouri, knowing full well that their own community could erupt if they failed to produce charges, found the officer innocent anyway. They could have voted to charge him and kick the can down the road a year or so, but they simply couldn't, because there was nothing to support this absurd trumped up charge. ...... All EOTT has as proof of anything is some witness, who may or may not have testified in court saying that The cop used the word "F#ck." Even if true, that doesn't give Brown any grounds to try to kill a cop. Your fundamental premise here is that Brown had no duty to exercise any kind of self restraint -- because he's what; a mindless animal? And enough with this "Brown may been high ...." crap. He wasn't killed because he was smoking marijuana. He was killed because he posed an immediate threat to the life of a police officer. If the cop allows Brown to get into a wrestling match with him, he can take the cop's gun and shoot him. So now I guess he's left with the same old "proof" -- calling anyone who disagrees a bigot, or racist, ad nauseum
Timmy1000 - December 02, 2014 - Report this comment
Well written from the cop's POV. And the OS was a good one to use. As seen above, there are going to be different views of this. Not so much funny as sad and pretty much a no win situation for any Grand Jury decision.
Lawman - December 02, 2014 - Report this comment
I am tired of people using illogical reasoning while reporting this story. Michael Brown was a criminal. First, he began by stealing cigarillos which is a misdemeanor. He threatened and bullied the shop owner who called the police (the right thing to do). Brown proceeded into the street which is a violation of the vehicle code and was a danger to motorists who could have crashed (and may have had children in their vehicles). Wilson was on patrol protecting the city when he observed a large black male and an associate walking in the street. This in itself is a vehicle code violation and Wilson acted appropriately when he advised the black male to get out of the street. Meanwhile, Wilson received information on the radio describing Brown as a suspect in a petty theft. Wilson advised Brown to leave the street and Brown did not comply and became animated. Seeing that Brown did not comply, Wilson followed police procedure and backed up his vehicle (moving away from Brown) and went into a felony vehicle stop position and radio'd for police backup. Brown then advanced on Wilson's car with Wilson ordering Brown to stop. Brown did not comply with the officer. In the academy. you are taught how to deal with non-compliance. Brown again did NOT comply and instead approached Wilson and put his body into Wilson's patrol car. Brown then began a struggle and assaulted Wilson (a felony) then Wilson had to determine in a few seconds WHY a misdemeanor suspect would want to enter his car and assault him. Brown then went for Wilson's gun and a round was discharged. This is yet another felony (attempted murder of a police officer). At this point, no backup had arrived. Wilson was assaulted and his gun had been discharged in a fight with Brown. Brown at this point is a felony suspect who tried to kill a police officer. Brown then fled away from Wilson's car. Wilson reported shots fired and pursued Brown. Please note: ANY police officer in this situation would give chase and attempt to arrest Brown. Brown turned toward Wilson and charged him (as stated by several African-American witnesses) and felt that his life was in danger (as Brown had already attempted to kill him). Wilson fired on Brown (legally) as he saw Brown reach for his waistband and STOPPED shooting when Brown paused. Brown, however, went back into the charging position and again approached Wilson while Wilson was ordering Brown to STOP. Brown did not comply with the officer and was shot several other times. It is important to note that all of this occurred within 90 seconds. Wilson while discharging his weapon believed that Brown was a danger to his life and wanted to stop the threat. Although many rounds were discharged, Wilson had no way of knowing how many bullets struck Brown and his intent was to stop Brown from trying to kill him. Wilson acted within his rights as a police officer and followed standard departmental training. Brown was a criminal and did not stop. Brown could have laid down on the ground after moving away from Wilson's car and would be alive today. Just remember that if Brown hadn't decided to commit a criminal act, he would NOT be dead. Call it like it is.
Easy On The Trigger - December 02, 2014 - Report this comment
CML and Lawman miss the point. Needless and deadly confrontations are often initiated by a rude and aggressive cop. In the case at hand, subsequent to the poisoning of the encounter by Wilson's angry "f**k," BOTH BROWN AND WILSON WERE WRONG: Brown for laying hands on a cop; Wilson, ipso facto, for killing an unarmed youth as the final act of bad policing. Most likely, neither would have had grounds to kill the other if Wilson had started the proceedings in accordance with good police practice. The point is also that "Courtesy, Professionalism, Respect," the motto of the NYPD, exists for a practical reason: to prevent pouring fuel on a potentially incendiary encounter. Black males live very different lives than we do. They are stopped and frisked much more often than whites. They are racially profiled in general. "Driving While Black" has become a grim joke. (Eric Holder promised yesterday to issue new federal guidelines on racial profiling, which currently apply only to matters of national security.) By orders of magnitude, Blacks are frisked for carrying an open beer in a bag than are whites, a situation that was a recent cause celebre in N.Y., until it was partially rectified. Are Chinese-Americans and Hasidic Jews complaining about egregious stop-and-frisk? Of course not, and that fact is based not on common courtesy, but on a long history of police animus toward Blacks and Hispanics, which is driven by the attitudes of the culture at large. That's the point! The Wilson/Brown tragedy DID NOT HAPPEN IN A VACUUM. IT WAS A CONDITIONED REFLEX. I do not offer that as an excuse for bad behavior. And I don't need your long-winded narrative, Lawman, which reads like you were an infallible eyewitness to all that happened.

Barry, I apologize for being so rough on you.
Ranger - December 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Factual accounts must scare EOTT as Lawman put him or her in their place. The liberal lunatic evaded on every single point Lawman made and also those talking points made by CML. What credentials does this reactionary pontificating wretch have? I'll bet this loser never even had a ride along with a white cop in a minority community. The F-word is far more used against cops than the other way around. Police typically use remarkable restraint on a daily basis, but EOTT hasn't a clue about law enforcement and I bet he or she has never owned a gun either, so what would he or she know about being easy on any trigger? When did EOTT ever face the business end of an automatic and had to make a split second decision on whether to engage or not. Someone please send this whiny cry baby into Ferguson at night or any war zone. Punk wouldn't last a shift. Bravo Lawman and CML.
Easy On The Trigger - December 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Hey, Ranger aka Lawman, you must be that ranting armchair warrior and Third Reich devotee who never saw action except at the Battle of Hot AIR.
Barry J. Mitchel - December 03, 2014 - Report this comment
@ EOTT: It;s clear from your second comment that you've read the GJ report; I have not. Dorian Johnson (Michael Brown's companion and decoy in the shoplift) was an eye & ear-witness in the street, probably the only one at the early stage of the encounter, so maybe he reported Darren Wilson's command accurately. But the rest of his testimony, including "shot in the back" and "hands up", was discounted by the GJ as biased and conflicting with the autopsies and forensics. Thanks for the apology; I'm accustomed to controversy.
Patrick - December 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Good use of the original song, a traditional ballad relating a tragic story. From what I heard, Michael Brown dared Officer Wilson to shoot him. This is apparently a common last move in the life of someone high on drugs and machismo. Police are hired and authorized to pursue criminal suspects that the rest of us can run away from. They are also paid to protect a community from violence. On that Monday night, they failed to do their job. Of course, had they done so, the savages who burned Ferguson might have taken down half of St Louis. It's a dilemma that any cop knows.
Max Power - December 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Honestly, whether or not the shooting was justified, it still doesn't justify what the people are doing when they decide to trash the city. Sometimes I wonder if they're simply looking for an excuse to loot and burn. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a mushroom cloud appearing in Ferguson in few days.
Easy On The Trigger - December 04, 2014 - Report this comment
So now you've seen endless reruns of the video of Eric Garner being taken down by the neck. The grip on the neck continued, even though he was quickly subdued by other means. His crime: selling tax-free loosies. The punishment: death at the hands of excessively empowered cops. Still, the Staten Island rightists find there is no probable cause to charge the strangler with a crime. So what do you believe? The video or your lying eyes? I rest my case. I challenge Third Reich Arndt (using a pseudonym, of course), and also CML, to defend the police action and the Grand Jury decision.
Sock Puppet Troll - December 04, 2014 - Report this comment
The fix is in. Prosecutors and cops have a mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship. Cops are a protected class. There's nothing noble about the homeboys, for sure, but the Man can get away with murdering them.
Barry J. Mitchel - December 04, 2014 - Report this comment
I am amazed and heartened by the copious commentary generated by this parody. Two months ago, my "Race" lyrics at http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/tomlehrer41.shtml attracted no comments and only one vote, although both Michael Brown and Eric Garner were mentioned. "The times, they are a-changin'."
Dana Mathewson - December 04, 2014 - Report this comment
It's obvious, here (from comments by EOTT) and elsewhere, that when many people call for "justice" they actually mean "revenge." They miss the point that it doesn't matter what the color of Mike Brown's skin was, whether or not he'd been smoking pot, or how many years of someone else's slavery was going through the back of his mind. He had broken the law and was now committing Cardinal Sin #1 -- mixing it up with a policeman. That last item alone is really the only thing that matters. Mess with a cop and you can expect to get hurt -- badly. Even killed, if you refuse to stop when told. EOTT, your arguments are worthless if you can't understand this one simple fact.
Max Power - December 04, 2014 - Report this comment
I get what you mean Barry, some people have all the luck.
Max Power - December 04, 2014 - Report this comment
Correction, some parodies have all the luck.
Easy On The Trigger - December 04, 2014 - Report this comment
@Dana Mathewson: Many people want "revenge" instead of "justice"? That analysis is bizarre and warped and a lot of other things I'm too astounded to mention. You are the one who misses the point: Cops, while making an arrest and facing resistance, do not have carte blanche to shoot and kill. They are supposed to apply the minimum force required to effect the arrest. What do you think a baton is for? The NYPD and other PDs all over the country are being retrained to conform to the idea that they do not have a license to kill. D.M., your arguments are worthless if you can't understand this one simple fact.

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