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Song Parodies -> "Guess I'm An Old Fogey (The "F-Word" Song)"

Original Song Title:

"On Top Of Old Smokey"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Guess I'm An Old Fogey (The "F-Word" Song)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

The straw that broke the camel's back was when IMDb started featuring an "F-word count" in its movie database info. The record, as best as my old fogey memory can recall, was something like 245 times, which, in the typical 90-minute flic (let's say two hours, to be generous) is once every 29.3 seconds. Got nothing else to say, huh?

Guess I'm an old fogey
So tired as heck
Of seeing our language
All drowning in dreck

An onslaught of "F-words"
In movies, TV
Or Internet web sites
How dumb can you be?

Don't know any others?
No 'magina-tion?
One million: our language
But you know just one

It's lost all its meaning
It's been overused
It once was a sex act
It's now been defused

Strong language: like garlic
A little adds spice
But don't overdo it:
The dish won't taste nice

Use double-entendre
Or cleverly pun
As adjective: meaning?
I think it has none

The British say, "bloody"
It means just the same
So please, everybody
Stop being so lame!

This author probably has danced on the edge of the line -- perhaps crossed over -- as much or more than any other, but without using the above-described word more than maybe eight or ten times in almost 300 songs. You're here because you're creative -- show it!

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

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Guy - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
TT - Yeah it's like dirty jokes - I find them totally unfunny. It takes creativity to come up with funny clean stuff. This parody spells it out plainly. There are too many "frickin' idiots out there forking up the lingo. The fargin bastages sons of bench and bannisters - mortar forkin' cork soakers all of 'em. --- Oh -Can I say five out here?
Mark Scotti - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
George Carlin works wonders with it, but there's very few others who can! Useful advice right out of the shell!! Fivers..
metaphorsbwithu - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
As we used to say when I was a kid, "Freakin' awesome!" Too bad the people who are the worse offenders using the "F" word would probably "get it" the least.
Old Man Ribber - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
You are definitely someone not to be f*cked with! lol Good job! ;D
Tommy Turtle - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Guy: Nice riffing! ... Um, that four-letter word starting with "F" that you asked about? -- You know how parents sometimes spell out their words that they think the tots won't understand? Do the opposite, and "number" it out hehehe :)

Mark Scotti: The peeps who overuse it, in my experience (DK yours), are definitely *not* in Carlin's league lol! ('Sides, isn't his either live or recorded, where you have to buy it, whereas this written medium is free to anyone with access to Mommy's puter?). Thanks for v,c, and insight!

metaphorsbwithu: Isn't it always that way? (sigh) .. thanks for v/c! (....and will consider "freakin'" as a shortening of "freakingly", i. e. "freakishly" awesonme! Clever workaround, eh, what?)

Old Man Ribber: LOL! .. thanks for v/c! :D
Genteel Fiddlegirl - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm sure I speak for all English teachers when I say... thank you. :) Talk about noise pollution.
Gari J - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
So thats who sung that song I've wanted to do a parody on this but I'm not sure who it was. Nice message to send stop swearing in films and get back to some exciting dialogue.
John Barry - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
F**ckin' right!
Guy @ TT - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
I can do better than that - I can say it in parody and have - take a peak:


OK - I'll do that 4 letter word in EBCDIC

1100 0110 0000 0011 1100 0011 1011 0010
TT - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Genteel Fiddlegirl: Probably other people besides English teachers, but you're very welcome. It's something I've wanted to say for a long time.

Gari J: I might be misunderstanding you, but no, "Traditional" is not a band. It refers to folk music handed down through generations, where no one is sure who the original author was. If I've misunderstood you, please forgive me -- and enjoy writing your own Smokin' Smokey parody.

Agree 100% on lack of wit or imagination in movie dialogue (have you ever seen "Casablanca"? Talk about witty dialogue!), and thanks for v/c.

John Barry: From anyone else, maybe not so clever. From the lad with largest lexicative lore (phrase from your tribute 3+ years ago), deliciously ironic! ... thanks, John.

Guy: Please put your EBCDIC back in your pants, Sir!
Guy - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
TT - Sorry, I was just EBCDICin' around.
Ann Hammond - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
he he
TT - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Guy: LOL!

Ann Hammond: thanks thanks!
TJC - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Effin', indubitably TTrue! More great stuff from one so 'On Top' of his game!
TT - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
TJC: You are too, too kind! (but don't stop!) lol.. thanks for v/c!
Tommy The Undercounting Turtle - January 09, 2010 - Report this comment
ANYBODY: Just came across a worse example. Won't dignify the film by naming it, but according to IMDb, the word and its variants are said 298 times in 105 minutes. That's once every 21 seconds.

btw, who sits around counting these, anyway?
Patrick - July 08, 2011 - Report this comment
I produced my own comment on this particular word to the tune of "Flipper". When I was in high school we had a teacher who would use the expression "as far as" the way so many use "you know", just a meaningless space filler. We would keep notebooks to mark down each time he said "as far as". After class we would compare notes to see if our counts were the same. I recall him exceeding 100 in the space of an hour.
Like, Tommy Turtle - July 09, 2011 - Report this comment
Like, Patrick: Like, I so, like, know what you mean, like. I'm so, like, right there with you. I'm like, you know, like, thanks for the, like, v/c, you know?

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