crusty the doorman was a quite unhappy soul
with his pants too tight and a runny nose
and his eyes said "one sad soul"
crusty the doorman never said good day or night
but he seemed to smile every once inn while
when he went out in the night


it must have been so tragic when this little runt was born
cause when they slapped him on the bum,
they used an ear of corn

crusty the doorman never parked my car away
when I tipped him well he said go to hell
and he just looked right away


crusty the doorman was a little nasty dork
so I put ex lax in his mix of flax
that he ate with beans and pork

into the bathroom,
with the paper in his hand
and he sat and shat and he sat and shat
like a wet fart tuba band


we let him frown on the streets of town
and never made him stop
he only ever brightened up
when he seen some person flop

crusty the doorman, well we sent him on his way
a revolving door, don't need him no more
now he's out of work today