There is a director who remade "The Fly,"
Missing a guy who's in the first "Fly,"
That's Vincent Price.

The same director made a film that's called "Spider"
With Miranda Richardson, but did it bite 'er?
That followed guy's remake of "The Fly,"
His budget was high to remake "The Fly"--
Biggest yet price.*

There's a great director who gave us "The Birds";
Remake "Birds"? Hollow and absurd.
There's a hollow-turd remake of "Psycho";
Folks snickered and sniggered when they saw that guy go
Off, don a dress, spike 'er--make Anne Heche die.
Gets zero of five; why'd they do it? "Why??!!"
Turkeys won't fly.

There is a director and he remade "Cat
People." Drat! Why'd he go and do that?
The follow-on "Cat" is quite absurd;
The story line's blurred, could have been tighter. . .
Director is priggish, not gigglish and lighter.
He logged "Taxi Driver," that "Cat" flick guy.
Of "Raging Bull"'s writers, he's one of five.
He's had three wives.

There is a dear actor who's in "Wag the Dog,"
"Taxi" Bob went all out, whole-hog
In bullish film job and getting fat,
And sometimes he spat dialog slurred,
Was no mellow nerd as crafty fighter
Who wiggled and jiggled when middle weren't slighter.
Avoirdupois lighter, he took no dive.
In remakes the guy's been able to thrive. . .
Made more than five.

There's a réalisateur who made "The Goat,"
Though it's no faute, it ain't culture haute.
A fellow très gauche, might crack: "That's Frog,"
Where "chien" is dog and "chat" is cat;
In English, a "chat"'s a klatch with words.
Gérard Depardieu's "The Goat"'s headliner.
Folks giggled at him in his prince-flick shtik, minor.
Laurence's is finer; it takes the pie.
He gave it a try; couldn't aim that high,
That Branagh guy.

There is a director who gave us "Poor Cow,"
Was the first bow for Malcolm McDow',
Who on telly" wowed 'em in "Crossroads,"
In "Clockwork," an oaf; used chat like "bog"
And wallowed in slog remake of "Cat
People"; oh, if that Dave Cronenberg
For this callow work was the green-lighter,
Instead of a giggle, might have been a frighter.
Follow-on "Lolita" done by Lime Lyne;
Then New Line declined. As Stan's, not as fine--
No Pete this time.

There is a director, made the galling "Horse."
He's dead, of course.


*In a recent interview, Cronenberg said that "The Fly" was the first film for which he had a significant budget. But in the horror/scifi genre, his two most effective efforts, IMHO, are the relatively low-budget "They Came from Within" (AKA "Shivers," "Frissons," and "The Parasite Murders"), 1975, and "Rabid," 1977.