~

[ Lusty Verse ]
Screw fairway greens--
I've blown that scene--
I'm legally known now as 'Tiger Sheen'
It's Christmas for 'li'l Arnie*
Now Elin is heading home!

It's nice to know--
When shanking hos--
That hook n' lay up 'neath yer missile flow
That pre-nup clauses guarantee
That most of me wealth won't roam!

[ Cart-path bridge ]
The Opens, and The Masters
I've ever held in thrall
Though now for me, the gallery's
Addressin' all the balls!

Still, holes in one--
Are way more fun--
When back-nines're catered with sticky buns
Though mistresses be smarmy
And now me cover's 'blown'
It's Christmas for 'li'l Arnie*
Now Elin is heading home!

~Interlewd~

[ 2nd Lusty Verse ]
There's young Colleens--
In vids now seen--
Chris Hansen is prayin' they're all pre-teen
Reporter gals line up--of course
I'm throwin' them all a bone!
Those preachers rail--
My home's a jail--
My handicap's chasin' "le sub-par tail"
Still 'bliss-Missin' 'Lil' Arnie'
While Elin is heading home!

[ Final cart-path bridge ]
Me Escalade's e'er idlin'
To aid quick git-aways
Abaft I'll race when trophy case
The wifey tips me way

El's threatened thrice--
To 'Bobbit slice'--
She's swearin' my putter she'll soon 'de-Fleiss':
"I'll Swiss briss 'Lil' Arnie'
Fer actin' all Stallone"
Then text some stalwart Nordicks:
"We'll foursome it back at home!"

~