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Song Parodies -> "I Don't Know This"

Original Song Title:

"U Can't Touch This"

Original Performer:

MC Hammer

Parody Song Title:

"I Don't Know This"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Probably the hardest event of the Parody Decathlon...and I had to have a school camp in the middle of it! Ooh! That reminds me, I've got to go and vote on the other event...
I don't know this

Can't answer this
Do I know this?
I don't know p*ss!

My, my, my, my (I dunno sh*t)
Test scores are so...damn low
Cause all this...I don't know
Grade two...was more easy
Than this one year torture called Grade Three
I've been failed...more than I can count
Which is, by the way, a small amount
About four, fo sho'
How many exactly...I don't know

I've told you, Miss Roy...I don't know this
Yes, I just keep failin' all my tests...I can't write this
Check this exam, man...I don't know this
I swear that two added to two makes five...I dunno this

I'm half
But I'm in third grade, cuz I can't tell geese from calf
I can't this seat
Because it's too small, it hurts my feet
And my spellin' ain't great
Please don't ask 'bout it, let's just say it is not first rate
It's crap, so crap
I asked my brother to write this rap
Man it blows...that I'm slow
So I must admit it...I don't know

Hey, I told ya...I don't know this!
Why you laughing like that...I can't spell this
Hey, shut your mouth, this is not funny...I dunno this

Give me a test...or essay
Or some kind of work, I'll fail straight away
Hey...what's this?
Since when was this exam on Europe covering the Swiss?
I'm true
I'll get about ten out of eighty-two
And its due...right now
The shrimp right next to me says "Don't have a cow"
Too bad...too late
I'll lose some marks cause I messed up the date

I'm screwed because I know...I don't know this
Do not know this
Pencils down!

(Instrumental break)

Stop...marking time!

How many ticks...did I get?
I'll get back to you, 'cause I am not finished yet
I'll check...the teacher for sure
'Cause a lot of my answers are real obscure
This is p* is still wrong
Can't believe that I called a fork a prong
Now I'm in deep crap
And I was thinkin' this test was a snap

Yeah...I don't know this
Look, Miss...I can't see this
Was gettin' all hyped, boy, now I know I don't...I don't know sh*t
How I was out
Score is down!

(Another instrumental break)

I don't know this
I can't spell this
I dunno sh*t!
I.Q.'s down!

(Once again, an instrumental break)

Stop...reason time!

Ev'rytime I fail this
My teacher asks me "Why?"
And I tell her this
After a great heavy sigh:
My dad was a hippie
Mum sold me out
To some old-fashioned granny
Who's short and stout
And she left for the world
And left me with a gay
Old stoner, drug tripper, a loner, clothes ripper
And the rest I cannot say

I don't know this
I can't spell this
I can't write this
Damn...I don't know this
I'm useless...I dunno this
So crap...don't know p*ss
I'm held back again...Cause I know sh*t
This is NOT based on my life...I actually have a reputation around school for being a know-it-all smartarse...heh.

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   15

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jack Wilson - November 11, 2006 - Report this comment
This is hilarious! 555!
Ann Hammond - November 13, 2006 - Report this comment
lol you got this
tomario - November 24, 2006 - Report this comment
lol nice one !
Johnny D - November 26, 2006 - Report this comment
(Dec) Must love this!
Jeff Reuben - November 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Nice job to one of the most overplayed songs of all time =)
Kristof Robertson - December 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Well, young master cheese...after long deliberation, I concur that this paper deserves an A+. I've done this OS, and it's an absolute biatch to get right....but you NAILED it with lashings of fun. Bravo. 555+
Stuart McArthur - December 03, 2006 - Report this comment
(dec8) big effort, bobpie - I got lost following it to the OS but that's because the OS goes so fast - not your fault - and neither are those scores your fault if your old man's a hippy, fer chrissake - 555
Josh 2 - December 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Twas alright, 5s
Arwen - December 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Decathlon...holy moly! I can't even imagine doing this OS, and you more than did it justice...very funny! =)
Red Ant - December 16, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4-I) You deserve 5s just for leaving out the extremely annoying "oh-woah-oh..." parts from TOS (normally I'm a completeness nazi, but here your omission is most welcome!). Great work on pacing this, and some funny lines including "Since when was this exam on Europe covering the Swiss?" lol. 555
Guy - December 19, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4-I) You hammered this one out quite well. MC is one of the few rappers that I have ever liked. Well done.
Invisible Boy - December 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Very brave to take on a song like this. I laughed and almost peed my parachute pants. Superfreakalicious.
Laurie Alexander - December 24, 2007 - Report this comment
ABC4-I-I have a mental image of a teenager sitting in a kindergartener's chair looking at pictures of geese and calves. Very well done!
stuart mcarthur - December 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4) see above - excellent bobpie, and I've already noted the problem with your hippie dad, but add a short and stout grandma into the mix and what hope did you have?
Below Average Dave ( - December 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4) Superb job TCOP, and of a song that really had it coming.
Agrimorfee - December 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4) Some great wackiness here...all explained away that your brother wrote it!
Matthias - December 27, 2007 - Report this comment
I still really want to parody this original song, and it looks so difficult to pull off so I have to give you some bonus points for attempting it. Still too much info with the reason "why" you became this way, but other than that... Great job idiot!!!
Cat - December 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) Gotta agree with all the other people praising this...this was most excellent!! It made me laugh out loud, especially "I asked my brother to write this rap." I do love a good dummy parody. =P

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