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Song Parodies -> "Sears in Heaven"

Original Song Title:

"Tears in Heaven"

Original Performer:

Eric Clapton

Parody Song Title:

"Sears in Heaven"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I thought for a moment about putting this one in here under another name, since the following comes from personal experience. In a Bush economy, no matter how bad your job is, you don't do anything to throw it away until you can get a better one. Which should happen, oh, around 12:05 PM on January 20, 2005.
Would you know my name if I worked there in housewares?
Would you feel the same if I worked there in housewares?
I must be soft, I must not scoff
'cause I know there'll be layoffs there in housewares.

Would you hold my hand if I sold you a washer?
Would you pay a grand if I sold you a dryer?
I'll help you pay another day
if you use your credit card in Brand Central.

Retail brings you down, it's hard on your knees.
Retail breaks your heart, has you begging please
begging please...

(guitar break)

Beyond the door, commission's more.
And I know there just ain't no Sears in heaven.

Would you know my name if I sold you a mower?
Would it be the same if it only went slower?
I must be strong and carry on
'cause I know, no work, just fun, there in heaven.

As the great labor leader and songwriter Joe Hill wrote, mocking the religious right of his day, "'You will eat, bye and bye, in that glorious land above the sky, work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die.' And that's a lie."

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 3.5
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   1
 3   0
 4   4
 5   5

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Royce Miller - April 28, 2003 - Report this comment
You took a truly heartfelt and meaningful song and (tried) to turn it into pure crap.
Michael Pacholek - April 28, 2003 - Report this comment
Obviously Miller has never worked in retail, or he'd know every word is true.
Tim Hall - April 28, 2003 - Report this comment
Yes, retail can be hell on its workers. Good job.
Royce Miller - April 28, 2003 - Report this comment
Michael, I am talking about your whole package--which includes your postscript--about the "religious right". That came off as very tacky since the original song is about the hope someone feels believing there is a heaven. You can refer to it as pie if you want--your parody about Sears wouldn't have pissed me off--your extra comments did. And by the way, I'm a she, not a he.
lebeiw15 - April 28, 2003 - Report this comment
The pacing was okay, but I stumbled on some of the words. I just didn't find it very funny, but that's because I've never worked at Sears, I guess. 3-2-3. Oh, and Royce Miller is a woman, just so you know. ;)
lebeiw15 - April 28, 2003 - Report this comment
Oh, duh, I guess she already told you that.
I wish I was Roger Taylor - June 04, 2003 - Report this comment
Come on guys!!!!!!! Have a bit of sense of Humer will you???????? In case any of you are wondering, Yes, I wish I was Roger Taylor, from Queen (NOT Duran Duran)!!!!!!!! :)
BJGB - November 11, 2003 - Report this comment
note to I wish I was Roger Taylor , dude you keep misspelling things like humor and parody you spelled it humer and parady
Jude Rodamer - December 31, 2003 - Report this comment
Well, I don't care what ANYBODY SAID...I LIKE IT!! It's a sad tale told in a humorous way! All 5s from me!
Andrea Huckstep - January 18, 2007 - Report this comment
I really feel you shouldn't parody this song, as it was inspired by the death of Eric Clapton's son.

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