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Song Parodies -> "I Suck At Stealth"

Original Song Title:

"I Touch Myself"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Divinyls

Parody Song Title:

"I Suck At Stealth"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Dude's not a fan of a particular videogame genre, see if you can guess which. Enjoy!
Upon my shelf, are games of all ge-enres
Shooters, top down, whole lot of platfo-ormers
But games of stealth, I don't have a lo-ot of
Cause they're hard as hell, not their fault, it's my pro-oblem

I don't own any Splinter Cell
Cause the simple fact, dude, I suck at stealth
Oh-oh-oh, I've tried walkthroughs, they've been no help
I blow, I blow, I blow

More comfortable with pistols gunnin'
Instead of shunnin' the li-i-ight
Like some vampiric crap or somethin'
I fail and thus, I die-ie-ie
The waiting in the dark simply bo-ores me
If you like it, that's fine, but it ain't fo-or me
And now I get punished for killin' fou-our dudes?
Well, that's that mission completely and wholly bo-orked, true

I'm too gung-ho to do it well
Can't be an assassin, I suck at stealth
Oh-oh-oh, no Metal Gear games on my shelf
'Fraid so, 'fraid so, 'fraid so, yeah

I suck at stealth, so could you not bu-ug me
When I come 'round 'bout how I'm a gu-un freak
No Deus Ex, no Stolen or Sly-y, please
I don't want your help, with beat-'em-ups I'm fi-ine, geeze

You won't find Rogue Ops on my shelf
Because, as I've told you, I suck at stealth
Oh-oh-oh, don't plan on buyin' Art of Theft
Hell no, hell no, hell no
And it's true
In Skyrim, I won't level Stealth
Dark Brotherhood and Thieves Guild can go to hell
Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah

No Amnesia: The Dark Descent
Get it through your head, dude, I suck at stealth
Oh-oh-oh, optional stealth missions ain't swell
Skip 'em, that's what I do, I suck at stealth

I suck at stealth (all my fault)
I suck at stealth (for refusin' help)
I suck at stealth (the fact still remains, dude)
I suck at stealth
I suck at stealth (Penumbra)
I suck at stealth (won't find on my shelf)
I suck at stealth (pretty sure I've told you)
Too many times, dude (I suck at stealth)
I suck at stealth (really suck)
I suck at stealth (frustratin' as hell)
I suck at stealth (ev'ry mission gets screwed)
Because I suck, dude (I suck at stealth)
I suck at stealth, you got that, yet?
I suck at stealth

I know some of the games listed aren't purely stealth, but as far as I've read stealth is a pretty big part, or at least the game encourages you to be all stealthy-like. And even if I screwed up classifications, who really expects an irrationally angry gamer to get his facts right?

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Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 5

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