Got some laxatives that you keep beneath your pillow
Out on the john your chances are zero
Take a look at the door (bathroom door)
It ain't too complicated
You realize, Oh no, You’re constipated

Now you don’t take the laxatives everywhere that you go
If you did that you might regret it, oh no
You better get some more of that stuff (come on now)
Oh you’re feeling so bloated, inflated
You can't compete when You are so constipated
Toilet’s just no use now, Oh no, You’re constipated

So you keep a little secret down deep inside your dresser drawer
For dealing with your stomach problems don’t wanna feel no more
No matter how you try you feel you’ll never crap again
So the comfort that you keep's dulcolax or milk of magnesia
You need help

You gotta crap downtown, now is when it kicks in
It’s just Murphy’s law, feels like you can’t win
That apartment you live in feels like it's where you get relief
When you’re walkin' down the street won't know when they’ll kick in, good grief
You were reported as a missing person that one time
But laxatives kicked in, you were frustrated
You kept saying “Now I’m not constipated”
You feel relieved but fated, Oh but you went too much,
Now you feel so deflated
You feel dilapidated
Your language is R-rated
Feelin’ better’s belated