Sleepin' with his sister Jan and eating road kill
Shooting strangers walkin' by? You bet he will!
Don't know why I share the room with him, he reeks of B.O.
The tale is so deranged, we should have our own show

I was just a bag boy 'fore I moved to Texas Town
I've only been here six days, already feeling down
I knew I should've opted to move to Downtown L.A.
Instead of living down here, where his gunracks are on display

And a gun goes off ev'rytime someone walks by
Doesn't matter if they're family
Doesn't matter if he's high

The local Texas cops never jail him for incest
Maybe it's cause he lets 'em feel his cousin Kimmie's breasts
Although that makes no sense cuz ev'ryone's related here
And the way they know people too well is a thing that you must fear

I was running down the road - coppers right ahead
I must've scared them real good - said 'Youse runnin' from the dead?'
I yelled 'My cuz Sam should be in jail cuz he and his sister are banging!'
They just stared at me and laughed - it scared me, my knees were clanging!

And they laughed so hard, for most of the day
Never thought that they would do this
Never thought it was okay

I said, 'What the hell's up - My cousin is incest!
And you're both just standin' there, not jailin' this pest!'
Both local Texas cops said 'Boy, dont you know, 'round here
It's legal to go sister-banging; nobody thinks it's queer'

Just then, both local Texas cops cuffed me in ten secs flat
They were taking me down to juvie hall
Where it reeked hard of roasted cat
The chief had told them anyone who thinks this law is bad
Should serve many a year until they think that they was mad

And the bars slammed shut, still hear them today
Hear them when I'm doin' pushups
Hear them when it's time to play

So here in Rahway prison is where you'll find me
Those local Texas cops come beat me, sayin 'Boy, you should've
slept with cousin Bree'
I lay there in my bed, thought 'Someday, I'll be outta here'
But not the way I'm meant to get out, I don't wanna end up queer

Those local Texas cops think I'll 'reform' someday soon
Instead of being a moral man, I'll be a 'normal' redneck goon
I say to those stupid men, 'Yeah, and you'll fly to the moon
Because since my first jail meal, I have been diggin' with a spoon'

And the dirt falls back, ev'rytime I scoop
One time I broke a sewer line
And I got drenched with poop

Now the cops of Texas Town have put out a search for me
'A young man, brown hair, green eyes, won't sleep with cousin Bree'
They haven't had much luck yet, we are all morally sound
But just in case they know my face, my hair is no longer brown

I checked with the head of Texas, is incest legal there?
It turns out that the town's gone renegade, that just isn't fair
Sometimes I think of Kimmie, sometimes I think of ham*
But never do I think of my cuz who still sleeps with Jan

But that's in the past, thank the Lord for that
But ev'ry time I think about it
There must be some point to that

But I do not care, it's time to forget
All the crazy things he did and
All the folks with whom he's slept