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Song Parodies -> "That's Not My Signature"

Original Song Title:

"Hang on St. Christopher"

Original Performer:

Tom Waits

Parody Song Title:

"That's Not My Signature"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

A short tale of lies and forgery. Enjoy!
That's not my signature, it ain't close, you've been foiled
Someone's tryna bankrupt me, it's givin' you excess toil
I didn't order this shit like this diamond-tipped drill
Or these six crates of salmon or those six crates of quills
That's not my signature, not the way that I write
I swear it, bud, and I can prove it outright
Show you my signature and then you can piss off
Don't mean to speak coldly but I don't want this trough
Someone's bein' a jagoff orderin' all these cars
I'm so peeved, I've got half a mind to kick his sneaky arse
But, yes, my signature, did say I would show
What mine is like, so I'll get a bi-iro, yeah

Once my real signature shows the one there to be false
I'll go find which little ass-face is exactly at fault
And what did you say there, pally? "It's already been paid for"?
That explains why my card was declined for that Mars bar just before
Seems like my signature? That's my name there, all right
Dude's got the spellin' right, that I won't deny
But here's my signature, the flowin' biro
Looks like a spider got drunk like a ho-obo
And walked across the "sign here" part, it's a squiggle, that's the truth
It proves you've got a forgery, cause the scribble you've got, dude
Is not my signature, it's too neatly transcribed
It's just too far from mine, now pack up the piles of shi-it
Move it

Seriously, though, my handwriting is so bad, I'm surprised I can read it myself. Which is why I like the fact that one of the delivery guys who comes by my house asks me for my squiggle and not my signature. That dude knows what's what.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.5
How Funny: 3.5
Overall Rating: 3.5

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 2   1
 3   0
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Abbott Skelding - October 15, 2015 - Report this comment
Great title sub, the pacing was spot on, and overall a great story of plagiarism. I particularly liked the "drunk spider walking across the sign here line" line haha
Agrimorfee - October 18, 2015 - Report this comment
I have told you before that sometimes your parody topic sometimes gets stretched out too far to the length of the OS. Here, the two verses and chorus were perfect for what you were telling, as well as the tone of the OS. Nicely done.
Max Power - October 20, 2015 - Report this comment
Forged the 5s for you.
Matthias - October 21, 2015 - Report this comment
I would write you a handwritten note but you wouldn't be able to read it so I'd better just leave a comment instead. This was a clever idea which I haven't seen done too many times before, if at all.
Blaydeman - October 23, 2015 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I totally agree with Aggy on this one! In a longer OS, this would've been very difficult to pull off, but with this OS, it works very well. Tonally, you matched the OS to a T. Waits has a way of bringing out a little edge in all of us (except mine, LOL!)
the_conqueror_of_parodies - July 02, 2022 - Report this comment
Thanks to all for your comments! I appreciate it!
bobpiecheese - July 02, 2022 - Report this comment
The sheer irony that of all of my parodies to randomly fake a comment by me on, this random person chose the one about forged signatures is actually kind of funny, not gonna lie.

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