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Song Parodies -> "Abstinence"

Original Song Title:

"More than This"

Original Performer:

Roxy Music

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

This is a reaction to the religious right's agenda to remove sex ed from school or water it down so much that abstinence is the only thing they teach concerning it. The abstinence-only movement is nothing more than a convenient way for teachers and parents to shrug off the responsibility of informing their teens about safe sex. There is more than enough evidence out there showing that abstinence programs have little effect on the rising teen pregnancy in the U.S. This is written in the perspective of a teen that gets pregnant.
I could feel at the time
They were holding back something
All my dreams in the night
Didn't know where they're going
P.E. lacked something
Not really learning
Just disease all the time
My hormones were burning

It's doing nothing
Tells them nothing
"Oooo, they're touching."

It was fun for a while
We had no way of knowing
From those things in the night
That a fetus was growing
No care in the world
But now, we're learning
I could see by this time
The slow pain of birthing

It's doing nothing
Tells them nothing
"Nah, they're bluffing..."


Makes no sense

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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mac - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Good job, Phist, and the original is great. However, I think there is something to be said for discouraging kids from being sexually active before they are mature enough to handle it. Since WWII, we have created this thing called "the teenage years", a kind of extended transition period, where in earlier times people were either children or adults. Sex is for adults.
MrMacphisto - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks mac; I love the original. I agree that preaching abstinence is a good thing for middle school, and it is achieved most effectively by informing them of sexual diseases and the problems with teen pregnancy. However, high school is where they should emphasize contraceptives and birth control, because, let's face it, the vast majority of people begin their sexual activity around 14 to 16. Parents don't want to admit that, but it changes nothing by denying this fact. If they're going to have sex regardless of what you tell them, at least provide them with the knowledge necessary to prevent the spread of disease and teen pregnancy.
Johnny D - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Good parody, MrMacphisto. mac, I agree, sex is for adults, you are correct. Unfortunately, we must face the biological fact that teenagers with adolescent hormone levels need to be lovingly taught the facts about STDs and contraception, along with the facts - - - FACTS and EXAMPLES - - - of the suffering created by teenage pregnancy. After that, it's in God's hands and their hands, since the adults can't always be there to chaperone them. Desperately trying to keep teenagers ignorant is dangerous, foolish, and self-deceptive on the part of the adults who would like to keep Suzy and Timmy ignorant.
John Barry - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
If only GHW Bush had been abstinent.
Ashkicksass - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny amd MrMacphisto - couldn't agree more. Look how far burying our heads in the sand has gotten us. Abstinence is a lovely thought, but completely unrealistic. 5's here.
MrMacphisto - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL, John... that was good... But thanks for the support y'all... Bruce Springsteen is next....
alvin rhodes - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
good concept...5s
Joelle - October 03, 2004 - Report this comment
I agree with Mac. 5-4-5. - October 10, 2004 - Report this comment
"Abstinence makes the heart grow fungus." I watched two videos the other night and the original (which I love) was in both of them. I took it as a sign to come and vote on your clever parody.
MrMacphisto - October 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Al, Joelle, and Spaff... :) BTW, Spaff, was one of the videos "Lost in Translation?" That was a damn good movie, and Bill Murray's attempt at singing this song was hilarious....

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