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Song Parodies -> "Cold, Harmless Take"

Original Song Title:

"Cold Hearted"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Paula Abdul

Parody Song Title:

"Cold, Harmless Take"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Posting your take on the latest film is a time-honoured tradition. Gets a bit awkward when you think yours is gonna ruffle feathers but it turns out it's basic as hell...
That's a cold, harmless take (hurts), won't get buzz online
Uh-oh-ooh, try harder next time
Thought you'd get a little play (hurts), look a little cool (oh-ho-oh-oh)
Uh-oh-ooh, just look like a tool, bro

Film nerds love it when they discuss discourse as it's shiftin'
From the biggest hacks to smart-ish knobs, in hot takes, they might drown
So you thought you had some spice, get those guys to eat it
But "I think DC films are too edgy"? That's played out

That's a cold, harmless take (hurts), it's been seen online
Uh-oh-ooh, won't get people riled
The main character today (hurts)? I don't think so, dude (oh-ho-oh-oh)
Uh-oh-ooh, you're not spittin' truths, no

Don't need to fan flames online, can live without tweetin'
All the things that you think ev'rybody simply needs to know
But even if at your core you love sad tear feedin'
Try unique analysis, not "Marvel loves to joke"

That's a cold, harmless take (hurts), done to death online
Uh-oh-ooh, will only roll eyes
Just a new car on the train (hurts), no waves will be moved (oh-ho-oh-oh)
Uh-oh-ooh, no response vids due, no

You don't have to find ways to hurt nerds
Do that to themselves, that's right
Though it's not like you could hurt those nerds
With c-cold-ass shite (cold-ass shite)
Takes cold as ice
You're cold as ice, not in a good way, hurts
C-c-c-cold, harmless, ooh, ah, ah
C-c-c-cold, harmlesssssss take
C-c-c-cold, harmless, ooh, ah, ah
C-c-c-cold, harmlesssssss take

You've got cold, harmless takes (hurts), won't spark wars online
Uh-oh-ooh, barely any likes
You don't want to play the game (hurts) "Contrarian Douche" (oh-ho-oh-oh)
Uh-oh-ooh, first good plan by you
Ooh, ah, no-one likes those guys
Ooh, ah, cheap insults for likes
Ooh, ah, thinkin' they're so cool
Ooh, ah, but they're total tools
So your cold, harmless takes (hurts) may land flat online
Uh-oh-ooh, just a long-ass line
Of yawn emojis, you may (hurts) think that's far from cool (oh-ho-oh-oh)
Uh-oh-ooh, not the biggest tools
Just got cold, harmless takes (hurts), just a blip online
Uh-oh-ooh, give it up, don't type

So why does the music video version of this song have an extra rap bit? I only discovered this after writing because I was trying to see if the synth line from the bridge was sampled in something and got served lines I hadn't heard. Not that it's a big deal, I just prefer consistency in all things, it's why I'm not mad they eventually phased random encounters out of Pokémon.

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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   14
 14
 14
 

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