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Song Parodies -> "Beat It"

Original Song Title:

"Beat It"

Original Performer:

Michael Jackson

Parody Song Title:

"Beat It"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Another looney tune wins a primary. . .dubious financial dealings and an unintentionally hilarious abstinence video behind her.
She tells you not to come unless you been here:
To church to get married; she tries instilling fear,
But most of all, do not do this, she makes it clear.
Don’t beat it, don’t beat it.

You’d better run away from your roving hand—
Don’t put it on, move it up and down your gland.
This whacking pastime has just gotta be banned.
Don’t beat it, though you wanna be jacked.

Don’t beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it:
Purity will be defeated
Strokin’ the monkey is not, she says, right;
Get your eyes off o’ that damned porn site.
Don’t beat it, beat it. . . .

She’s kinda fetching; I believe that my hand
Is wanking on my joint, which markedly expands
As her on news I spy after beating the man*
I beat it, lust-beat it.

I’m really going, and my thoughts are up there—
She’s playing the high fives; I’m in my bind-fives snare.
She’s bitchin’, so I’m beatin’
As my fantasies flare,
So—beat it: O’ makes me want to jack.

Lust-beat it, beat it,
I dream that I’m in her sweet pit.
Pokin’ that cunny, my prong feels delight
Then comes the matter that’s milky white—
Just seed it, seed it, seed it. . . .

*Mike Castle

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

< ! ! ! > - September 15, 2010 - Report this comment
~YukonJack~, . . . . Ohhh, just what can I say, SirSweaty ? ?
TJC - September 15, 2010 - Report this comment
Frankly funny and perfectly paced at what--2.5 pumps/sec?
John Barry - September 15, 2010 - Report this comment
! ! !: Just keep saying it--love your comments.

TJC: Thanks for pumping up my count.
Old Man Ribber - September 16, 2010 - Report this comment
JAB - Sounds like you have a good grip on reality! :D
UnKnownPumptress - September 16, 2010 - Report this comment
. . . just who's ~Pumping Up~ your count, Sir ? ? ?
UnKnownTreattress - September 16, 2010 - Report this comment
SirSweaty . . . . TREAT ~ iT . . . . just Treat it !

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