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Song Parodies -> "Flat"
Original Song Title:
"Bad"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Michael Jackson
Parody Song Title:
"Flat"
Parody Written by:
Cat
The Lyrics
Late bloomer, shlate bloomer. If something doesn't happen to me, and FAST, I might as well go join the Old Spinster Club.
I've got no breasts
Yeah, it's sad but true
On scales of 10
I'm less than 2
My concave chest
Has no appeal
Hooting jackass guys
They mock and squeal
Bug off! Bug off!
Pepper spray you tonight...
My real cup size
is Minus A
I try to stuff
It falls away
Shirts fit me huge
And now, to boot,
I have to buy
Custom swimsuits
Well you say that you've seen smaller
Then you haven't looked at mine
Don't you try to go and grope me
You'll waste your precious time...
Because I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
It's true, I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
You see I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
And I make Calista Flockhart look HUGE
It is really plain to see–I'm flat!
I'll never strut
Down the catwalk
At the boobless girls
Guys just don't gawk
Push-ups don't work
It is quite the nerve!
Parabolas
Are there–no curves
The locker room's
No good to me
They have melons
Mine are cherries
If I ever have a baby
Yes, even he will complain
And the countless swimsuit issues
Are weighing on my brain
Because I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
It's true, I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
You see I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
And I'm shocked that they make bras in my size
It's an un-for-tun-ate fact...I'm flat!
If you're big, then stop your whining
There are worse things than back pain
You can bet no guys will ogle
If I wear shirts in the rain!
Because I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
It's true, I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
You see I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
Gah! Gah! Gah!
(And Kansas looks mountainous next to me let me tell you once again...)
Because I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
It's true, I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
You see I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
Need a microscope to see them–so small
Let me tell you once again...who's flat?
Yeah, it's sad but true
On scales of 10
I'm less than 2
My concave chest
Has no appeal
Hooting jackass guys
They mock and squeal
Bug off! Bug off!
Pepper spray you tonight...
My real cup size
is Minus A
I try to stuff
It falls away
Shirts fit me huge
And now, to boot,
I have to buy
Custom swimsuits
Well you say that you've seen smaller
Then you haven't looked at mine
Don't you try to go and grope me
You'll waste your precious time...
Because I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
It's true, I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
You see I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
And I make Calista Flockhart look HUGE
It is really plain to see–I'm flat!
I'll never strut
Down the catwalk
At the boobless girls
Guys just don't gawk
Push-ups don't work
It is quite the nerve!
Parabolas
Are there–no curves
The locker room's
No good to me
They have melons
Mine are cherries
If I ever have a baby
Yes, even he will complain
And the countless swimsuit issues
Are weighing on my brain
Because I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
It's true, I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
You see I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
And I'm shocked that they make bras in my size
It's an un-for-tun-ate fact...I'm flat!
If you're big, then stop your whining
There are worse things than back pain
You can bet no guys will ogle
If I wear shirts in the rain!
Because I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
It's true, I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
You see I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
Gah! Gah! Gah!
(And Kansas looks mountainous next to me let me tell you once again...)
Because I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
It's true, I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
You see I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
Need a microscope to see them–so small
Let me tell you once again...who's flat?
Your Vote & Comment Counts
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 18 | 18 | 18 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Beautifully written, Cat... I guess that if there were "before" and "after" pictures, this one might come as the "after": http://www.amiright.com/parody/90s/disney12.shtml ;-)
My humble opinion was expressed in "Fake Knockers" http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/shirleybassey13.shtml. You sound like my kinda gal, Cat! "A"s are Fives to me!!! (but then, I'm used to gals with plastrons 'stead of bosoms.)
Wow! This a great competer for my Wet T-Shirt Contest... Well, in a real Wet T-Shirt contest you'd loose, but in this one... you rock!!!
Thanks guys! And I really appreciate that, Tommy. =) As you can see in "Cat's Confession," I clearly have unconventional taste in guys...so I'll have to find me a guy with equally unconventional taste!
Parabolas!! LOL! Like Matthias said, this has to go into his Wet T-Shirt comp (where no guys'll ogle) - brilliant self-deprecating wit, Cat, and a great take on the OS
Wow, you milked this OS for all it's worth! 555
Ditto Stu's comment. This is great work Cat.
(Wet T-Shirt) Hilarious! I love the self-depricating humor. I wish you mounds...of success in the contest =)
(WET T-SHIRT) Good one, Cat!!'s
A masterpiece in itself.
(WET T-SHIRT) OMG...that was hilarious!!! I have to agree with Rick C here...brilliant!!!
The lines about the baby complaining, and Kansas looking mountainous, were spectacularly funny. This is one of your best, Cat...and that's a mouthful in and of itself. Triple 5 cups
(Wet T-shirt) "You can bet no guys will ogle/ If I wear shirts in the rain!" caught my attention - Cat, they may not ogle, but they will look. Really great work here, one of your breast, er, best.
(Wet T-Shirt) See comment above.
Very funny! I bet Spot (used to be my cat) had bigger ones (lol). So, uh, what would that be, 5.55AAA? -- MM
(ABC3F) still hilarious and brilliant, Cat (which rhymes, I just noticed - I hope nobody uses that!) - loved the Kansas and Callista references
(ABC3) Hilarious parody in the Arwen Style. :) If it's any comfort, Cat, I don't see what the big deal is about big ones.
(ABCF3) See above!
(ABC) Anything more than, well, something or other, is superfluous. HARUMPH, yes, well, 555, good parody, AHEM, yes! ;-)
Holy Tit this was good!!!
ABC3F-Good
Still great...see above!
(ABC3-F) Still a flat out funny one, Cat.
What can I say about this, Cat, that doesn't make me sound creepy?....other than: FLAT OUT FABULOUS! 555
WHOA! THAT WAS FLANTASTIC!.... mmmm flan..... Great work Cat, 5-5-5
The OS is one of my "no touchy" song, but this is awesome!
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