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Song Parodies -> "Halter, Loosen!"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Leonard Cohen

Parody Song Title:

"Halter, Loosen!"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I love to look at luscious gourds,
but lately, ain’t lucked out with rewards,
which means I have not been able to view two.
Not squinting ’t tits,
giving me fits,
no gawkerfall, instead uplift.
The rhacksody [sic] I sing is “Halter, loosen!”

“Halter, loosen. . . !”

My face is long, lacking looks at boobs;
I guess I could race to youtube,
or maybe even contemplate pay to view.
But images cannot compare
to a bosom supple, sumptuous, bare.
From buccal box I summon: “Halter, loosen!”

“Halter, loosen. . . !”

Babies suckle ’em and then snore,
but I do not seek such outpour—
my eye globes want to spy globes, orbs sans muumuu.
But my optical orbs are parched.
Is that metaphor overarched?
Ain’t metaphor, my vented roar: “Halter, loosen!”

“Halter, loosen. . . !”

Once high spirits have turned quite low,
because that top don’t pop for show.
So I am on the verge of skirling “boo-hoo!”
I’m so blue, and my groove’s askew;
my ogle loves are none, not few!
I rue ’t but still I root for halter, loosened

Halter loosened. . . .

If only a homing dove
would pluck that string for nest above—
jugs tog, my jaw would drop; I’d holler, “Woo-hoo!”
That fantasy don’t ensue right,
and still I’m stewing in my plight.
Then the bird flies overhead and halt-turds loosens.

Halt-turds loosens. . . .

I’d no umbrella for the rain;
the baleful bird became my bane.
I bathed, it drained, I bayed: “Still crave to view two!”
I wanted no more of the bad bird;
I wanted no more of rack-sacks gird.
Let boulder-holding bolstered halter loosen.

Halter loosen. . . .

So for divestment. . .give a touch
to ties that unstay the jugs clutch.
Out bounce the beauts, I view and start to drool too.
I might go next for the strung thong,
but my jugsviewer bent’s “lungs”-strong,
focused on unslung dugs from halter loosened.

Halter loosened. . . .

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Cleavage Little - February 28, 2014 - Report this comment
Here are two silicone patties. Go play.
Patrick - February 28, 2014 - Report this comment
The all-purpose tune makes another appearance, even if the longed-for appendages do not. Hallelujah has become such a fixture at public events, among people who obviously have not considered the lyrics, that I bet you could play your version and I would be the only one who noticed. I liked the "metaphor overarched" line, which echoes "marble arch". Does "marble arch" mean what I think it does?
Leough - February 28, 2014 - Report this comment
555 - Halterlujugs!
Disgusted - February 28, 2014 - Report this comment
Dirty Old Man Theater is getting tiresome. As juvenile as lusty teen boys trying to unscramble a signal when the Playboy channel debuted on cable. Fascination with female breasts, Mr. Barry? How Benny Hill of you. 1s
! ! ! ! - March 04, 2014 - Report this comment
~~~> ! ! ! !

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