Don't call me gay. Don't think marriage lasts forever.
Yes I know Mimi and Nicole wouldn't stay,
But vitamins can make things better.

And let me just say that Brooke Shields is so glorified.
And I know its wrong,
But if I had a gun there'd be no place for her to hide.

And I guess thats why they call me Tom Cruise.
You don't know the history of psychiatry, I do.
Divorced Nicole Kidman, jumping on Oprah, killing her sofa,
I'm a happy Casanova,
And I guess that's why they call me Tom Cruise.

I'll put you in your place. I get off on pomp and circumstance.
If Kate only knew about my desperation she'd leave and rent a moving van.

Penelope girl you'll get over me with help.
Now more than ever I've got a screw loose.
I found religion on a bookshelf.

And I guess that's why they call me Tom Cruise.
You don't know the history of psychiatry, I do.
Divorced Nicole Kidman, jumping on Oprah, killing her sofa,
I'm a happy Casanova.
And I guess that's why they call me Tom Cruise.

I'll save the world. Its risky business, what the hell.
Now more than ever I've got a screw loose.
I found religion on a bookshelf.

And I guess that's why they call me Tom Cruise.
You don't know the history of psychiatry, I do.
Divorced Nicole Kidman, jumping on Oprah, killing her sofa,
I'm a happy Casanova.
And I guess that's why they call me Tom Cruise.
And I guess that's why they call me Tom Cruise.
And I guess that's why they call me Tom Cruise.
And I guess that's why they call me Tom Cruise.