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Song Parodies -> "Total Eclipse of the Car"

Original Song Title:

"Total Eclipse of the Heart"

Original Performer:

Bonnie Tyler

Parody Song Title:

"Total Eclipse of the Car"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I don't watch "Game of Thrones," so my chances of writing a good parody about it are not good. But when I heard about "The Red Wedding," the title "Total Eclipse of the Starks" came to me, I mentioned it to Phil Alexander, and he pulled a classic out of it, using notable quotes from the books and the show. I thought, Surely, there's a book, a movie or a show where I could do the same thing. And it didn't take long to think of it, either. I wrote it on the New York subway: My "smart" phone's Internet connection doesn't work down there, but my notepad does.
(instrumental opening)

(Ferris says)
Every now and then, you could miss life, it moves
pretty fast, so look around.
(His Mom says)
Mr. Rooney, I checked on him, and I assure you
that my son, he is a very sick boy.
(Ferris says)
Cameron is so uptight, if you shoved a lump of coal up his ass
in two weeks, a diamond you'll have.
(Sloane's fake Dad)
A family member dies, and you insult me? What the hell
is the matter with you? You're an asshole!

(Turn around, Cameron)
Ferris wants to borrow your Dad's car.
(Turn around, Cameron)
Ferris wants to borrow your Dad's car.

(Jeannie says)
You would make me go to school if I bled my eyes out.
Baby Sis is in a corner again.
(Rooney says)
Something's going on, God damn it, I'm gonna find out
what it is, so Grace, I'm heading on out.
(Ferris says)
I love the car, it is so choice, I'll give the attendant
at this deck a finsky to watch it close.
(Cameron says)
It could get wrecked, stolen, scratched, breathed-on-wrong
or a pigeon could make its presence felt!

(Turn around, Cameron)
He can feel his world come all apart!
(Turn around, Cameron)
He can feel his world come all apart!

And he needs a big day off
in the City of Big Shoulders!
At his sickness, Ferris scoffs.
As does Sloane, at what he told her.
To get married in high school is rough.
She's got one year to go.
They go to Sears Tower and the Board of the Trade
to Wrigley Field, museum and the Steuben Parade.
(Steuben Parade!)
He's bluffing at a restaurant, and it almost falls flat
but if he's getting busted, won't be by guy like that!

But can he get home tonight?
Beat Mom and Dad to home tonight?
Not get caught by Ed Rooney tonight?

Once upon a time, one-twenty-seven, he saw.
Now, odometer's gone quite far.
And Cameron's freaking out
at total eclipse of the car.

Once upon a time, so repressed was his life.
Now his pal has lifted the bar.
There's nothing he can say:
A total eclipse of the car.

(Over the instrumental break, you can imagine some of the other scenes and quotes. As the music builds, we get to the point where Cameron kicks the grill in back at the garage.)

(What the hell, Cameron?)
Kicking grill and knocking it apart!
(What the hell, Cameron?)
Where's your brain? Has it come all apart?

I'm gonna take a stand tonight!
(Gonna take a... )
And I'm gonna face my father!
And he might grab my throat tight!
(Grab it tight?)
But might reason like he oughta!

Could this situation turn out right?
Happy ending, John Hughes?
His pal offered to take the heat for vandalist crime
but maybe Cameron will be all right
for the first time!
(For the first time!)

So Ferris races home, he no longer has the car
but Rooney's caught him red-handed, though Ed's bruised and scarred!

Seems Rooney's got him tonight!
But Jeannie saves his ass tonight!
Big-time, he owes his sis tonight!

Once upon a time, he got away with it all.
Now, he knows, you CAN go too far.
And Cameron takes a stand
for total eclipse of the car.

Once upon a time, the Ferrari was Dad's.
Now it's just some smoldering parts.
There's nothing I can say:
A total eclipse of the car!

A total eclipse of the car!

You're still here, film fans?

It's over now, go home!
Turn around!
Yeah, I'm very pleased with myself for thinking of that ending. And, unlike the original song and Phil's masterpiece, this one has a happy ending. Assuming, that is, that Cameron's father DIDN'T kill him, or kick him out of the house for wrecking the car. By the way, as with "Game of Thrones," there IS a novelization of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." It's by Todd Strasser, a.k.a. Morton Rhue, author of "The Wave" (teacher teaches his students about the Nazis by turning them into Nazis and loses control of the situation). The book is no comedy, it's much darker.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   9

User Comments

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Jonathan - April 23, 2014 - Report this comment
I can relate to having never seen "Game Of Thrones" but I can't honestly say I've seen "Ferris Bueller" either I hear it's supposed to be hilarious and if this parody is any indication of the film itself I heard right! 455

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