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Song Parodies -> "Totally Slips Off The Chart (Losing My Memory)"

Original Song Title:

"Total Eclipse Of The Heart"

Original Performer:

Bonnie Tyler

Parody Song Title:

"Totally Slips Off The Chart (Losing My Memory)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Based on the full seven-minute version. Lots of shortened versions out there, some only half as long. Accept no substitutes! (video is pretty decent, too.)

Write things down
Every day it seems I get a bit more forgetful, so I have to write 'em down
Come unwound:
Every day it seems I get a little more tired of losing memor-ies of best years
Too much ground:
Every now and then I lose my car in the parking lot, and crawl around the place on my knees
'Round and 'round:
Search the whole darn mall, and yay! - I finally find it! But -- gosh, *darn*! Now, where the heck are my keys? [P]

Mind: unsound, brain fries
Every day it seems I get less smart
Can't expound; blight: tries
Every little thing slips off the chart

Set pen down,
Twenty seconds later, it's invisible; pen-lessly I'm screaming something; riled
Bread too browned:
Every now and then, forget the toast in the toaster, and I'm setting off the fire alarms
Walk around
Every now and then I get up, walk to the next room; when I get there, have to ask myself, "Why"?
Where I'm bound?
Every now and then, confuse the kitchen and bathroom, and somebody, some day: what a surprise!

Once renowned: quite wise
People sought, back then, what I'd impart
Thoughts profound: ad-vise
Since age five or ten, knew math by heart

Can't recall last week; last night;
Or this morning's planned endeavor
Who, me? Remember "now"? Tonight --
-- It'll all be gone forever

Long ago, peeps would take me as "bright"
'Cause so clever, each song -- Together, mate words; make it merry, limning each line
But now, there's just a shadow of a former good mind (practic'lly blind)
I'd throw such lines at you: "Sheep-tang urges man to spark"
Like "Lanolin from lamb that lushly lubes lecher's larks" [1]

Ideally, feeding this site?
Forever, no insight in sight
Can't evermore incite insight

Just for once, I wish I could blame it on drink
But I haven't had one in years
Yet, no more, can I think
And can't make the scapegoat, the beers

Elevator, once, always went to the top
But now, it stops a floor short, or so
Losing oil, too:
My dipstick's a couple quarts low

[instrumental -- but can't remember what tune]

Once was crowned: mind, prize
Now, brain drowned; horse flies

Once, astound
Hit senility? My gaze is getting blank, but that is something clearly I see
IQ down
Every now and then I know I'll always be regarded: "former prodigy"; brain turning to yam
Losing ground:
More and more each day, I know there's no hope for my former verse; no magic wordplay wondrous to you
To dog pound?
Every day I know it's never getting any better; soon, nothing I'll be able to do

Grayish mound: byte-size
Much, I used to ken, but lost the art
Wounds compound; fright lies:
Watching mem'ry cells as they depart

Put the pork chops 'neath the sink
And the dish soap in the freezer
So smelly: something starts to stink
Can't find either (What a geezer!)

And I'm lonely; no ladies: delight
Seems they're never along -- So whether I can make it? Watch me sadly decline
At loving, I'm a shadow of my former prime time (once, was sublime)
I don't know how to woo and I make the wrong remark
I catch her by the powder room, but off she embarks

Mind reeling; speedily blight
Alzheimer's? I don't think that's right
"Old-timer's"? Prob'ly true, though trite

Just for once, I wish I could blame it on booze
"Alcohol is rotting my brain"
Hide behind that ruse?
I must just be going insane

Once, the brightest bulb in a big chandelier
Now, it seems they keep burning out
No gray matter here
It leaked through my ears, there's no doubt

It totally slips off the chart
It totally rips me apart

Turning out trite lines
Burning out: plight (whines)
Churn and pound....

(oh, no)
(drool, drool)
(uh, wha'? Say, wha'?)
(d'oh, wuh? whoa, d'oh?)

[reprises ad lib, because he forgot that the OS had ended]

Once upon a time, I had memorized pi
Decimals: to seventy-five [2]
Now, no longer do
I'm not even sure I'm alive [3]

Picnic basket, once, was with sandwiches, filled
But now: A couple sandwiches short
Forgot the Fritos™, too
This mission, perhaps, should abort

Once upon a time, mind was "one cut above"
Now, so badly "cut" that it bleeds:
Data, facts, and stuff;
Remembering not what it needs

Young and in my prime, I could always make love
But now, I can't recall where to start
What order ought I do?
I've no clue to nips or G-spot

Once upon a time, there were blips on my screen
Now, the radar's down and gone dark
Used to hold a few;
I'm lucky if one hits the mark

Once upon a time, there were lights burning bright
Now, they're on, but nobody's home
Nothing I can do
Except to post poor, plaintive poem

[P] Pacing: At first read (or sing), line might not seem to scan to TOS, but put up against it, or sung with agility, it does, syllable for syllable and stress for stress. Tried to help by guiding with punctuation.

[1] Oh, do those two links both point to the same place? Silly me -- can't remember *anything* any more... (sigh)

[2] True. Fun party trick: Write the numbers down, hand it to someone, and recite them back. It's a chick-magnet!
(Okay, the chick-magnet part wasn't true.)

[3] Renè Descartes (the "s" i ilent), mathematician/philosopher, wrote, "Cogito ergo sum" -- "I think, therefore I am". By that standard, TT is not.

On the other hand, Tommy Turtle (who is rarely silent), parodeficient/sheepboffopher, wrote, "Burrito ergo sum" -- "I fart, therefore I am". By that standard, TT can out-swim Michael Phelps and out-think Stephen Hawking. (Well, he could probably out-swim Stephen Hawking, anyway)

© 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   16

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Hilarious and remarkable jaunt along the well trodden path of helped me recall many of those silly things I forget.
Guy - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
TT - Extra points for not taking the easy way out and going the whole nine yards with the full 7 minute version. I had a zippy comment but somehow I think it went AWOL and is hiding somewhere behind my brain stem.

As for this read I was totally flipped from the start. Well done TT. TMGLTM, great subs, pace and timing with humor applied are spot on. My PI chart reads out 3.14555. And yeah you are right - it is no chick magnet.

Ah, yes where was I? You know that memory is the second thing to go and I for some reason can't remember the first... It has something to do with my "sometimers" malady.
Patrick - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Long, long time ago, I can still remember, but not what happened yesterday. I realize that there's a chance, I might forget to wear my pants. Just imagine what the cops will say. I'll have to look up the long version of Total Eclipse, don't think I've heard it before. Disk jockeys used to keep the full length American Pie or MacArthur Park for on air emergencies. Dixielandia viagra erit. (The South Shall Rise Again).
Old Man Ribber - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
This, however, is unforgettable! ;D
Bilbopooh - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Hilarious! And sadly I've had many such moments... 5-5-5
Fiddlegirl - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
ROFL!!! I myself have been known to misplace a pen or two-- and to have to search for my car (Jurassic Parking...)

TMGLTM, but you might have guessed that "Forever, no insight in sight/ Can't evermore incite insight" would tickle my fancy. :)
LadyLayCakes - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
. . . SeniorTaTa forgets his Fritos ? ? ? not in a hundred years !
Al Heimer (am I missing sumthin'?) - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
"IQ down" No... I - don't - *think* - so! Another truly bouquet-worthy effort (Forget-me-nots?) from the master-of-the-long-form (heh!) with perfect scansion (whatever that means), and a creativity I haven't seen in, well, I don't know how long!
Tommy Turtle - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks, all. ... Patrick, you don't have to look it up. The blue thing in the intro is a "link" that will take you to it. And that's a great start for a parody you have there. Re: South: Fait accomplit. Didn't you know that while Detroit was falling off the planet, BMW, Toyota, Michelin, etc. were building factories in the South?

Fiddlegirl: Indeed, I did -- I think. ;)
WarrenB - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Little gray cells take a vacation quite often in house. Just ask the Mrs!
Nice alliteration. Familiar memory lapse descriptions. And there was something else...
Warren (was it B?) - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
....5's. That's it, 5's!
TT - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Warren Who? ... well, whoever, thanks for v/c!
Mark Scotti - July 02, 2010 - Report this comment
What was this about....OH...yes..about giving you some fives for the wonderful "lost" stroll down memory lane(wherever that is....)
Christie (Who?) - July 03, 2010 - Report this comment
This satire of yours is definitely off the charts, Timmy Tortoise, oh I mean Tommy Turtle! Don't forget to receive 3 sets of 5's!
Tommy Somebody - July 05, 2010 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti: That name is vaguely familiar - thanks for whatever you gave me!

Christie Brinkley: Thanks, and, uh, I'm still available (cough)!
Norman Zavlandid - February 10, 2012 - Report this comment
I know the feeling
Alzheimer's/Old-timers were fave lines
Tommy, uh, um, ... oh yeah, Turtle! - February 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Norman Zavlandid: What feeling?

(heh heh) thanks for v/c -- and that nick seems vaguely familiar... can't quite place it ... LIGHT BULB! The Norman Crater on the Moon - silly me! Celebrating the Apollo Moon Landings in the year .... uh... n/m. Thanks for v/c!

Norman Zavlandid: Thanks for v/c!

Norman Zavlandid: Thanks for v/c!
Leo Keough - March 13, 2012 - Report this comment
What else can I say...I thought sure I commented and voted on this epic when I read it the first time...555!!!
Tommy Turtle - March 13, 2012 - Report this comment
Leo Keough: I'm sure you intended to, but forgot ... (heh heh!) ... good to know there's so much company in the loony(-tunes) bin! Thanks for remembering to v/c this time! (and, seriously, for the re-visit)
Peregrin - August 06, 2012 - Report this comment
TT, I wish you would get my permission before writing parodies about me! LOL
Tommy Turtle - August 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Peregrin: Per most of the comments, it was about you, me, and almost everyone else! Maybe something in the water? ... or we're all just growing o*d (gasp). ... "odd" works there too, heh heh, but we all were already pretty odd. Thanks for taking the time to read/v/c!

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