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Song Parodies -> "Phones (Don't Call)"

Original Song Title:

"Clones (We're All)"

Original Performer:

Alice Cooper

Parody Song Title:

"Phones (Don't Call)"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

A little ditty about telemarketers. You know, the poor bastards who's job it is to call everyone and ask them to fill out a survey or change phone services or whatever? Yeah, I'm not too kind to them here...
Hear my phone
It's ringing all the time
And it's the same crap ev'ry da-a-ay
"Hello, good sir
If you've the time
Got to sell you products, is that okay?"

Leave me alone, damn it, don't call
Product drones
Telemarketers, don't call
Won't buy your shit if you call

I don't need more internet
What I've got is fine
I won't answer your surve-e-eys
My phone service
That also works fine
Well, how else can we be talking about it, dork?

I don't need new bells for my door
So please go
Telemarketers, don't call
Won't buy your crap, you're a bore

Don't care 'bout your vacuums
No, I won't buy your damn toaster
You might have good stuff to sell
But your calls are my own hell
I'd ask your boss, but then I'd be on hold
That's a whole new kind of hell
That will make me feel unwell
So whatever crap you sell
Go to hell
Go to hell

The way you drone on makes me snore

Ev'ry call is from you gits
Eating up my time
I won't buy your crap, okay?
Need my phone free
In case friends of mine
Decide to call, though I know I get no calls, bro

I don't get phoned by friends at all
True, although
Don't mean I'm desp'rate for calls
So I don't want you at all

Leave me alone, don't want your calls
Product drones
Telemarketers, don't call
I'll hang up next time you call

Yeah, the only time my phone goes off these days is when Telstra wants to flog something to me. I'd prefer complete silence to that, TBH.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

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Abbott Skelding - July 01, 2013 - Report this comment
Funny stuff! Not too many spoofs of the great OS. Halfway through, I was expecting a twist of "No one calls me, so I make friends with the telemarketers"...but you did a great job without it. 555 more calls
Matthias - July 11, 2013 - Report this comment
Very odd Cooper song. If I heard this on the radio I would totally would have guessed David Bowie instead. Still this is a great parody and telemarketers really are a huge pain in the arse!
Blaydeman - July 22, 2013 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Interesting topic for an interesting OS. THere were some good lines here and the pacing was great! I promise I won't call you if I'm ever selling anything! LOL! I think you're the king of parodies that complain about stuff (and that ain't a bad thing) Everyone likes to hate on things, and you're really good at it.
Max Power - July 23, 2013 - Report this comment
Just imagine if Billy Mays did the telemarketing, too bad it's not going to happen.
Agrimorfee - July 23, 2013 - Report this comment
This song is the kind of deep cut Rex Ungericht would parody (and where is he anyway?!). Anyway, this was an alright parody, it really didnt wow me as it should have. Having worked in market research surveys for nine years as I have, I know some things that really could have spiced this up!

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