"Dear God, You made many gadgets for people.
I realize that being a cellphone is no shame.
But it's no great honor either!
So, what would have been so terrible if I had been a computer?"

I cry, here's my timpan'
Squeeky-squawky, ringy, dingy, silly squeaks and bleeps I hear.
All day long I'm busy as a bun
With a load of healthy bran.
I should have had a face guard
Squeeky-squawky, ringy, dingy, silly squeaks and bleeps I hear.
If I were a kiddy with an itch
I'd a had a puter by now, man.

Hide me, I beg, all these will use my minutes by dozen,
Trite as it is I get a frown.
May I bend your ear, peeps would've been mellow,
There could be no strong disgrace just showing up,
But, they shun even grace around town
Talk some more speeding somewhere, on the road.

I've seen sights of clods with cells many talking, cease not
Chores they do to see and hear.
They teach, and plow, and sit upon the throne.
You'd think that in the john there'd be no rear
Gas to pass loud over air, air waves, man.

I cry, here's my timpan'
Squeeky-squawky, ringy, dingy, silly squeaks and bleeps I hear.
All day long I'm busy as a bun
With a load of healthy bran.
I should have had a face guard
Squeeky-squawky, ringy, dingy, silly squeaks and bleeps I hear.
If I were a kiddy with an itch
I'd a had a puter by now, man.

Why must the wise, and the old, be the only ones polite?
A shame what we do hear when
Surprising deals conferred upon me, right.
I see them putting on airs and strutting like a peacock.
Oh, what great people they have been.
Screaming all their secrets, what a sight.

Most of the people they think the problem lies with me.
They should all see true surmise then.
Strikes me that they are just lies.
"You aren't a techie".
"Put the cell phone down".
Poser items that would cross a layman's eyes.
And it won't make one bit of difference if I am right or I am wrong.
Got a cell, so I must really know!

Final wish is having something on my face
To shield me from all the spit and spray
That is coming from the mouth of them all
Maybe have an alert so to warn me of impending calls
I say.
That would be the nicest thing of all.

I cry, here's my timpan'
Squeeky-squawky, ringy, dingy, silly squeaks and bleeps I hear.
All day long I'm busy as a bun
With a load of healthy bran
I should have had a face guard
Squeeky-squawky, ringy, dingy, silly squeaks and bleeps I hear.
If I were a kiddy with an itch
I'd a had a puter by now, man.