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Song Parodies -> "Thetis, Don't Let Achilles Go Off to Invade Troy"
Original Song Title:
"Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Willie Nelson
Parody Song Title:
"Thetis, Don't Let Achilles Go Off to Invade Troy"
Parody Written by:
John Jenkins
The Lyrics
Before joining the Greek army, Achilles (played by Brad Pitt in the recent Warner Bros. movie "Troy") consulted his mother Thetis (Julie Christie), an immortal sea nymph. Thetis knew that joining Agamemnon's army would not be a good career move for her son, but do sons ever listen to their mothers?
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Don't let him make war against that Asian force,
Give him a Greek anger management course.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Though he's got royal blood and he thinks he's a stud,
What the Greeks need is a horse.
Trojans ain't easy to love, and they're harder to fight.
They'd rather not make peace, but they want piece all night.
Young Paris chuckles at King Menelaus
And each night shows Trojan power.
So Queen Helen goes on a Paris vacation
To check out his eye-full tower.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Don't let him fight Trojans and fierce Amazons,
Let him guard queens while Greek kings are all gone.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Though Helen's a beauty, it's not your son's duty
To fight for Agamemnon.
Achilles should simply ignore Queen Helen's defection,
He knows that she's safe with all her Trojan protection.
Your son should be on Olympus drinking nectar,
Not in Troy fighting with Hector.
Agamemnon has others with weak brains and strong backs,
Let him clean up Troy with Ajax.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Though he might be stronger than the man of steel,
Achilles has his own kryptonite deal.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
It would be a hardship if he went on this trip
And got done in by a heel.
Don't let him make war against that Asian force,
Give him a Greek anger management course.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Though he's got royal blood and he thinks he's a stud,
What the Greeks need is a horse.
Trojans ain't easy to love, and they're harder to fight.
They'd rather not make peace, but they want piece all night.
Young Paris chuckles at King Menelaus
And each night shows Trojan power.
So Queen Helen goes on a Paris vacation
To check out his eye-full tower.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Don't let him fight Trojans and fierce Amazons,
Let him guard queens while Greek kings are all gone.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Though Helen's a beauty, it's not your son's duty
To fight for Agamemnon.
Achilles should simply ignore Queen Helen's defection,
He knows that she's safe with all her Trojan protection.
Your son should be on Olympus drinking nectar,
Not in Troy fighting with Hector.
Agamemnon has others with weak brains and strong backs,
Let him clean up Troy with Ajax.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Though he might be stronger than the man of steel,
Achilles has his own kryptonite deal.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
It would be a hardship if he went on this trip
And got done in by a heel.
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 |
User Comments
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Super
Excellent!! 555! "Give him a Greek anger management course" = my favorite!!
Oh so clever. My favorite was eye-full tower. LOL!
Excellent job--and superior to the movie, I'd guess, though I haven't seen it.
Gotta agree with Ashkicksass on the phrase eye-full tower, but there were so many puns in the parody....even the last word...heel. I know what it refers to, but it could also mean his enemy. :) In other words, 5's!
Can you imagine Achilles,Hercules,and Odysseus in an anger management meeting? (You first Achilles,begin-"Well,I've been training all my life to maim and kill,mostly kill,but what I really wanna do is sculp statues like that guy who created Galatea!" Okay Odysseus,you next-"Oh,you mean Pyreus ?Yeah,we KNOW how he manages HIS 'anger'!Heh-heh! " now be nice,Odysseus,and now for you ,Herc-"Yeah Oddyseus,the man SAID that the statue came to life'then who are we to argue with the gods?Hmmm,hey guys,Anatomy and Sculpture 101is down the hall from here--let's go get some-culture! "Guys,WAIT!!! we were just getting started with this session! ACHILLES !Come back here! Quit being such a HEEL! SORRY! I dodn't mean to call you a ,um--no WAIT !PUT DOWN THAT SPEAR! NOI NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" VVV's
Oops,I meant Pygmalion,not Pyreus, and VVV is Greek for 555...
Thank you, Royce, Arwen, Ashkicksass, John B, Adagio, and Thought Police. I appreciate the comments. And, Thought Police, maybe you should include Zeus, Ares, and some other Greek gods in your anger management class.
All I know of the original is the title line, but that's not a drawback here. "Clean up Troy with Ajax," "Eye-full tower," and "Paris vacation" are just some of the many highlights. Epic.
Thank you, Spaff. Last month I was appalled when you confessed that you have not yet seen or heard Les Miserables. But now you have redeemed yourself with the revelation that you have not heard this Willie Nelson hit. (I am not a fan of Willie's although the song seemed to fit the parody topic).
It's all Greek to me =) Good job!
(SOTM) Funny stuff, Jenkins! Trojan protection...of course, that appealed to my immature brain, being totally fascinated with sex. And then...clean up Troy with Ajax, and done in by a heel, and it's completely pointless to quote your entire parody back to you, isn't it? 5's.
Thank you Jeff and Emi.
(DotM) DKTOS, but this read hilariously, and here's best wishes in the competition
(SOTM) very good parody!
(SOTM) 'Trojan protection' was also a source of many juvenile snickers for me, but only because I am fascinated by the production of prophylactic production methods. Many great jokes here, John, it heeled my horse throat. Have some ROMAN VVV's
Thank you Jared, Adagio, and Jake.
What everyone else said. Love them puns.
(SOTM) "They’d rather not make peace, but they want piece all night" Oh yeah, 5's for that line for sure!
Yep, great lines in there, JJ. 5's for changing a Willie Nelson song to something better!
(SOTM) Very well done! Loved all the double entendres, especially the 'clean up with Ajax" and all the Trojan puns!
reads well but dktos
Movie wasn't bad. I feel like I learned more from your parody, though. I liked it more for what it was too. Great job, JJ.
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