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Song Parodies -> "H-M-O(y)-Vay"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Village People

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Inspired by TJC's HMO parody that is (presumably) also here today, which he kindly let me preview. I offered this idea to him for a follow-up or collaboration, but he said, "Nah, let's just double-nail the HMOs on the same day". So we're cooperating, not competing.
Sick man, got a stone in your gall?
I said, Sick man, got a lump on your ball?
I said, Sick man, cannot walk, cannot crawl?
There's a place for treatment crappy!

Sick man, there's a place you must go
'Cause your Boss-man's awful tight with his dough
You can go there, and I'm sure you will find
Enema slammed in your behind

It's dangerous at the H-M-Oy-Vay
The walls are oozing pus: H-M-Go-Pray

You can wait for eight weeks while your HMO seeks
Some excuse to ignore your shrieks!

It's dangerous at the H-M-Oy-Vay
They even broke my truss: H-M-Go-'Way

You can get yourself reamed, have a three-day-old meal
Not a thing they actu'lly heal

Young man, does it hurt when you pee?
I said, Young man, got a case of VD?
I said, Young man, meet the girl of your dreams?
Pick her up, and pick up something?

Young man, shoulda' done it yourself
I said, Young man, shouldn'a' messed with that elf
So just go there, to the HMO, quick!
They will cure you with ar-sen-ic! [1]

No matter how you fuss: H-M-O! Hey!
You'll nought but scream and cuss: H-M-De-Lay!

They have everything except that which you need
They will sit there and watch you bleed

It's deadly there at the H-M-A-Stray!
Substandard care among mass disarray

Got a heart attack, guy? Take two aspirin. Good-bye!
It costs us much less if you die!

Sick man, I was once sick like you
I said, Sick man, I walked in with the flu
Saw some dick-man; said with luck, I'd survive
Comatose; I'm barely a-live!

That's 'cause HR* memoed to me
And said, "Sick man, we've a budget to meet"
"We've a place here called the HMO, see?
"They can treat you very cheaply"

It's dangerous at the H-M-O-Fray
Abstemious 'cause they don't want to pay

There's one Philippine nurse, who no English can speak
She will see you some time next week

You'll wish that you had died yesterday

Sick man, sick man, there's no need to feel down
You're in - good hands: Dr. Bozo The Clown!

HMOs say:
"It's all just in your - head; Treatment? Nay!

Not much - longer - must you still wait around
Trust me -- soon now, you'll be laid in the ground

Please wait your turn! (Your hair turns gray)

Sick man, sick man, are you listening to me?
Sick man? ... Oh no... one more fa-tality!

[1] The first antibiotic treatment for syphillis was Salvarsan, invented in 1908, whose main ingredient was the poison, arsenic.

*HR, for the non-corporate-slaves: Human Resources, which is Orwellian Newspeak for what used to be just the Personnel Department.
© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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TJC - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
This parody is ill... I mean 'sick', man! Great job on a long OS with TMGL... and (this is the amazing part to me) I happen to know for a fact (*checks stopwatch*) that TT concocted this in about an hour! Heck, it takes me longer than that to empty my bladder... Kudos to your ill-n'-sick, massively parallelishly-processing parody producin' mind!
Patrick - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Wonderful adaptation of the original. Better song in my opinion. And a prophecy of things to come when Obama gets through taking over the banks, the auto industry, everybody's guns, and sets his sights on health care.
AFW - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Fine job on healthcare spoofing
2Eagle - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
You mean they forgot the Lipitor???
Arwen - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
"I said, Young man, shouldn'a' messed with that elf"

I feel a defamation suit coming on...; )
Tommy Turtle - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
TJC: Thanks again for the inspiration for this fun write, and for the v/c.
Patrick: He'll pry my gun from my cold, dead flippers, but agree with your analysis. Thanks for v/c.
AFW: thanks.
2Eagle: That costs money, dude! Aspirin is much cheaper :) Thanks for lol v/c, 2E.

Arwen: OMG, I *never* thought you'd see this! But you'll note that *just in case* ya did, I very carefully used a lower-case "e" in "elf", meaning generically any petite person (or a mythical being), rather than a capital "Elf" which might indeed be someone's name or nickname. So sure, have yer lawyer call me; ya ain't got a leg ta stand on! Mwa ha ha ha!

Seriously, Arwen, if you did see this and *chose* to take it as a personal reference, I hoped you'd appreciate the plug in the strictly-humorous context:) :) :) (note: the key word there was "chose"!)

And even more seriously, thanks for stopping by, reading, and v/c. No hard feelings, I hope?
John Jenkins - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Excellent spoof, TT. Very good job of varying the H-M--- lines. Of course, as imperfect as HMOs are, they are still a lot more user friendly and effective than nationalized health care.
alvin - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
hurt myself laughing....sooooooooo much better than the OS and so much harder to spell out the title with your body as well
Tommy Turtle - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
John Jenkins, thanks... let's hope it doesn't go there.
alvin: i wouldn't suggest going to an hmo for your laughter-induced injuries, nor for those caused by trying to spell out the title :) thanks alvin (lol)
Stuart McArthur - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
love your work TT - and dammit you beat me getting abstemious into a parody - 555
Tommy Turtle - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Stuart McArthur: Thanks, and ya shudda seen the list of words that were considered and rejected -- plenty of room still! Sorry about that, mate. :) thanks for v/c, Stu, and glad ta see ya got yer keyboard fixed :) :) :)
Jenikate Hudson - February 21, 2009 - Report this comment
These couplets of yours... stacked n' packed n' marvelously displayed!
Tommy Turtle - February 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Jenikate Hudson: Back at ya! thanks for v/c!
Mark Scotti - February 24, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm ill from laughing!! Fantastic job and a huge improvement on the song, Tommy T!!!!!!!!!!
Tommy Turtle - February 24, 2009 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti: Thanks much, and as per my advice to alvin, don't go to an HMO for your LTD (Laughter-Torn Disease). .... thanks for v/c, Mark!

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