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Song Parodies -> "The Night They Fight O'er Me, They're Gorgeous"

Original Song Title:

"The Night the Lights Went Out In Georgia"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Vicki Lawrence

Parody Song Title:

"The Night They Fight O'er Me, They're Gorgeous"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I was hoping to do this song in November 2004, as "The Night the Lights Went Out On Georgie," but the people of Ohio decided that gay people trying to get married were a greater threat to America than Osama bin Laden and Georgie Bush's crimes combined. This is another of my nightmares: The women I love actually meeting.
I was on my way home from the Stadium
where the Yanks played the Royals, and man, they beat them.
I was thinking 'bout my next parody-writing effort.

When I saw Spaff and Johnny D
and Spaff said, "Mike, better listen to me."
Spaff said, "I got some bad news, it's gonna hurt."

"Now, we're your good friends, you feel in in your bones.
But you know the girl you love, Catherine Zeta-Jones?
She's been reading those parodies 'bout her you sling."

I got embarrassed, I turned red.
But what's worse was the thing Johnny D said.
He said, "Catherine's headed on out to Wyoming."

That's the night that they fight o'er me, they're gorgeous!
That's the night that they duelled into it, man!
So don't trust your heart to the Elf or Mrs. Zorro
'cause the swordfight gave them bloodstains on their hands!

You know I got scared and I left the bar.
I got on a plane headed out real far.
Y'see, I don't have many women, don't wanna lose one.

Douglas said his wife's already left town.
And that means trouble's coming around.
'Cause Arwen's got magic more powerful than any gun.

So I found my way to Arwen's house
slipping through the mountains, quiet as a mouse.
Hoping to stop Zeta-Jones from making mistake.

A wee bit tardy, it seems they'd commenced.
Arwen was already into her defense
tossing lightning bolts, and I felt the ground shake.

The Wyoming patrol was a-making their rounds
but they drove on past, 'cause they ain't no clowns.
Catherine unsheathed her sword and said, "He's mine, shorty, doncha do it!"

And five minutes later Kirk Doulgas arrived
found his daughter-in-law barely alive
saying, "Catherine, it's time to go home, so we gotta get to it!"

That's the night that they fight o'er me, they're gorgeous!
That's the night that they duelled into it, man!
So don't trust your heart to the Elf or Mrs. Zorro
'cause the swordfight gave them bloodstains on their hands!

Well, I hung my head and I heard Arwen say,
"Now, Mister Pacholek, I get my way.
She comes to my house, but victory shall be mine."

And Douglas' bleeding wife has come around.
But she'll never go back to Arwen's town.
You see, it wouldn't matter if she'd had her "Chicago" gun!

That's the night that they fight o'er me, they're gorgeous!
Whoa-ho!
That's the night that they duelled into it, man!
Uh-huh!
So don't trust your heart to the Elf or Mrs. Zorro
'cause the swordfight gave them bloodstains on their hands!
I guess that settles things... but, please keep in mind that the preceding was meant strictly as humor, and in no way suggests that Catherine is willing to cheat, or ever has cheated, on Michael Douglas, her shrivelled ham-actor of a husband, or that I wish any harm to come to her. Regardless of what I wrote in "Smoke and Now Mike Cries," a part of me will always love her. Of course, Arwen's mighty magic gives a whole new meaning to "Smoke and Now Mike Cries!"

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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   5
 5
 5
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

PMS - April 16, 2006 - Report this comment
Well done!
LucidLupin - April 16, 2006 - Report this comment
Good one ;)
carol - April 16, 2006 - Report this comment
I like it 5's
Larry Hensley - April 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Well written
alvin rhodes - April 17, 2006 - Report this comment
lol...much better than the original story
Michael Pacholek - April 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Well, look what we're working with, Alvin: If Vicki Lawrence showed up in this story, she'd be the third-hottest woman in it. Fourth, if one of the Wyoming State Patrolmen was a Patrolwoman.
Arwen - April 18, 2006 - Report this comment
=) I loved this Michael...for many reasons. I really dig the part where you have me call you "Mister Pacholek" because I TOTALLY do that, don't I? I love a man who pays attention. And well...how could you NOT pay attention to me, right...; )

Secondly...I just love the premise, and of course the fact that I got to win!! Hooray!

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