The Lyrics

You know that psycho sorority email girl? A lesser known fact is that her reign of terror actually began back in High School, when she was a Drum Major at Band Camp.

Less vibrato!
Your @#*$ -ing woodwind offenses
Will make me lose all my senses
You %@#$ -ing whores
I beg your pardon?
You want to stagger your breathin’?
You &#*@ sucking heathens will
Get @%$ punted now!

Keepin’ time you are the worst, I swear
I’ll rip your #$!% -ing lips off
If you can’t FIND a way to keep up with the rest
And if you wanna be in first chair
Better be less of a jerk-off
‘Cause we only want the ones who suck @#$ less

Less Vibrato!!
Your skills ain’t gettin’ no stronger
Can’t TAKE it much longer
Our harmony’s blown
You’re @#$ -hats
Yes, @#$ -hats!
Who can't chew gum while you’re walking
It’s so @#$% -ing shocking that
You breathe on your own

No we won’t quit just ‘cause it’s dinnertime
The horns all blow and the drum line’s swine
The color guard’s a $*&% -ing joke to-day
I’ll shove that tuba in a hole
That’ll make it hard for you to stroll
Away….

LESS VIBRATO!!!
I’ll kick your piccolo asses
You outshine the brasses
I’ll take you out
And stop your cryin’
No, you won't die in this weather
So get your @#$% -ing $*&@ together
(Get your @#$% together!)
Just get your @#$% -ing @#$% together
‘Fore I break your face.

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User Comments

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Phil Alexander - April 30, 2013 - Report this comment

ROFL - but what do you *really* think, Arwen?

Matthias - April 30, 2013 - Report this comment

Love it! Your angriest parody since the time you fought Van Gough! Brilliant stuff here Arwen!

Callmelennie - April 30, 2013 - Report this comment

Hey Arwen, you ever see my contributions to the Middle Earth songbook? I have three submissions -- "Riders of Rohan" (an LOTR trifecta), "Gollumian Rhapsody" and "Mordor, Mordor" You'll find them in the bottom 15 or so in my song index. They're pretty good; Glenn was enthused with them.

Jonathan - April 30, 2013 - Report this comment

good job you took one of the only Eagles songs I don't really care for and made a $*&%-ing funny parody no @#$%! 5's

Vivian - May 01, 2013 - Report this comment

Hey Arwen, can you go look at all of my parodies really fast? I know you just wrote a super awesome one, but I'd rather plug myself than give you a constructive critique. Thanks!!!!!

Callmelennie - May 02, 2013 - Report this comment

Arwen is notable on this website for her LOTR parodies and her keen interest in same,Vivian, so I was interested in getting her to see mine. She also seems to have a very charming and agreeable personality (quite unlike yours) so, yeah, I was trying to coax a comment from her. So sue me. And I don't really need to plug these particular parodies because two of them are already very highly rated as it is.

Vivian - May 03, 2013 - Report this comment

If they are already highly rated and you don't need to plug them, then why are you plugging them? Duh. It is very bad manners to go onto someone elses parody without aknowledging it, and ask that person to go and see yours. If you want people to like you, have a little couth.

Arwen - May 03, 2013 - Report this comment

Phil...you're right...I really need to learn to hold back less...; ) Thanks!

Matty...hahaha...I'm glad you liked it!! :)

Callmelennie...I could have sworn I looked at those once before...didn't you mention them to me on another parody? I'll have to go back and check!

Jonathan... :) I'm glad I could make Desperado a little easier for you to take! Thanks!!

Vivian...I haven't heard from you in 900 years...but...that might be because that's about how often I post anymore. I'm going to head to your song list RIGHT NOW.

Callmelennie...again. :) I appreciate that you hold me in high enough regard that you'd want my feedback on a song...but for the record...I've known Viv for a long time, and can vouch for her wonderfully agreeable personality...even if she did rub you the wrong way. Is she opinionated? Sure. Is being opinionated a good thing? Yes. Do I love her for looking out for me? Absolutely. Don't sweat it...but in honesty, I personally wouldn't leave a comment touting my own work without at least offering commentary on the actual parody I'm commenting on either. Anyway...I'm sure she's not going to sue you. ;)

Vivian...again. :) I heart your face...

kkk - May 07, 2013 - Report this comment

gimmie some time here.

LadyNorCAL - May 07, 2013 - Report this comment

Lady Arwen: my 'Lady~STETSON ' goes off to you on this one! Always loved dear 'DesParado' . . . your write tops the cake!

Agrimorfee - May 08, 2013 - Report this comment

I am afraid that I have no idea what the topic of this parody is about, so I was totally lost. I was thinking while reading this was a personal story (which often does not make a good parody). I will take your kindly commenters words that this was funny and on the mark satire. Cheers.

Arwen - May 09, 2013 - Report this comment

LadyNorCal...haha..thanks, girl!

Agri...I often make an assumption that if I've read something on the news, everyone has read it. :) Thank HEAVEN it's not a personal story...but if you're interested in the backstory, try googling "Sorority Girl email rant" or go to funnyordie.com to see the Michael Shannon rendition of the email that started it all. :)

Rex - May 11, 2013 - Report this comment

It hasn't been that long since my daughter was in band, and this is a pretty accurate description of drum majors. :-0 Excellent writing as usual.

bobpiecheese - May 20, 2013 - Report this comment

(Artistry) As I have no idea what a Drum Major is, and a quick skim of Know Your Meme's article on the sorority e-mail thing didn't help me on context, I can't really comment on the content on this one. The pacing was spot-on, and I'm always a sucker for contrast between lyrics and OS tone (and this angry screed over one of the dreariest songs I've ever heard? Genius), but otherwise this did nothing for me. Damn, two classic Amiright authors in a row in this contest to have parodies that I could not get into. Huh.

Jeff Reuben - May 20, 2013 - Report this comment

I was sure this was going to be a song about something dirty ;) I missed this in the news too, but the idea behind it alone made me laugh.

KKK - May 21, 2013 - Report this comment

I know all about fait and not changing things JUST SO YOU KNOW I INTEND TO CHANGE CUZ YOUR NOT DELIVERING...

Max Power - May 21, 2013 - Report this comment

That's insanity.

Fat Head - June 10, 2013 - Report this comment

fowl is fair so should fair be foul? I loves your yew big but beautiful. Sorry.

kki - May 18, 2014 - Report this comment

reality is arwen you stink bad rythym bad soul bad beat bad timing

Orsodo - July 01, 2014 - Report this comment

waiting and waiting. what a waist of time and trip. Your not good at anything.

DHLD - September 04, 2014 - Report this comment

BYE LEAVE ME ALONE

Peter Andersson - December 05, 2015 - Report this comment

Merry Christmas Arwen! This being your last known parody before going MIA on us I'll use it to tell that I'm giving you a nod for inspiration in the intro to my latest, I couldn't quite remember exactly which one I really outta post on for that so here will have to do:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/2000s/eminem326.shtml

Stuart McArthur - March 19, 2018 - Report this comment

Just thought I'd check last time you posted and it was recently, in 2013!! Great title sub, Ar, and "piccolo asses" reminds me of your lovely comedic instincts. You should get on board the 2018 nostalgia train.

@therealjohnwilliamsnotreally - April 22, 2018 - Report this comment

Wow, you are really breaking the winds here!

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