(piano opening)

Desmond Child
he wrote some songs all by himself
like Joan Jett's "I Hate Myself
for Loving You."

He was a Warrior.
He wrote songs for that soundtrack.
Makes occasional comeback
producing, it's true.

Mariah Carey, queen goes diamond, boy.
Produced for her, he's able.
A queen of hearts, she'll still be, you can bet.
In the studio for Meat Loaf
gave him gravy from his ladle.
A "Bat Out of Hell III" the Loaf did get.

Desmond Child.
Wrote "Dude Looks Like a Lady."
I think Bon Jovi's shady
but they lived on his prayer.

And Martin, Ricky Martin
"Livin' la Vida Loca."
The song from Ricky's boca
Desmond, he did share.

Are you giving love a name so bad?
Does the medicine make you feel so sad?
Whose hair looked worse, Jon's or Cher's, would you say?
KISS' "I Was Made for Lovin' You"
it's still a low point for that group
today.

Desmond Child.
He wrote for Alice Cooper.
That song "Trash" was no blooper.
It sounded great.
And Kelly Clarkson?
He wrote song she would howl.
Just watch for Simon Cowell.
(Watch for Simon Cowell!)
You'd better watch for Simon Cowell...

And give him the...

gate.

(instrumental close)