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Song Parodies -> "Dense Alberto"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

The Eagles

Parody Song Title:

"Dense Alberto"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Original written by Don Henley, a Texan who loves this country, unlike George W. Bush and Alberto Gonzalez. Dedicated to Violet T. Riol, who beat me to the punch with the hilarious "Al Jiver."
(piano intro)

Dense Alberto.
Why don't you come to your senses?
You've pushed Dubya's pretenses
for so long, now.
Whoa, he's a hard-head.
I know that he's got his reasons.
These things you've been sleazin' through
have hurt us somehow.

No, she's not a queen, Ms. Miers, boy.
To think fair, she's not able.
This scheme, no heart, it's George's, you can bet.
Now, it seems to me some fine folks
had their law careers disabled
because loyal to the Prez is what you'll get.

Dense Alberto.
You forget Constitution.
We need much restitution
and you should go home.
It's freedom, glorious freedom.
All over it, you're walking.
A prison, you're stalking
if true justice did roam.

Don't your feet get cold when you face your boss?
And Rove and Cheney, you just won't cross.
It's hard to tell the right ones from the left.
You're losing credibility.
Ain't it funny how of that you'll be

Dense Alberto.
Why don't you come to your senses?
Just drop these pretenses
you adjudicate.
This land you're shaming
and there's a dark cloud above you.
I see the Congress now will shove you.
(Congress now will shove you!)
Bush is the last one who'll love you.

So now it's too...


(piano close)
Isn't "bereft" a great word? So is "adjudicate."

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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.2
How Funny: 2.1
Overall Rating: 2.1

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   18
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

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Steve K. - March 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Janet Reno / she fired all those attorneys / not just a handful / but ninty-three....
MasonR - March 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Great job...and extra credit for using "adjudicate."
Violet T. Riol - March 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Much more thoughtful than mine of yesterday. I've got "Seedy Gonzales" in the works, gotta get it posted before Al is "gone-zales". As with Scooter, I almost feel sorry for Al, another fall-guy for the criminally incompetent administration. Difference is Scooter seems reasonably stand-up and smart. He's Cheney's man. Cheney, while evil, isn't stupid. Al's Dubya's man...........
alvin rhodes - March 16, 2007 - Report this comment
great stuff
Michael Pacholek - March 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, Mason, Violet and Alvin. Steve: What about all those U.S. Attorneys fired by new A.G. William French Smith in 1981? Wasn't HIS boss entitled to that as a new President? Then so was Reno's boss, and so was Ashcroft's boss. The difference with Gonzalez and his boss (same as Ashcroft's boss but going into a second illegitimate term) is that these were guys that the Bushies themselves hired, who were more loyal to the rule of law as they saw it, not as the Bushies, not being part of the reality-based community, would like it to be. These were their own appointees who were being loyal to the law -- including the Constitution -- and not to the Bush agenda, at least not sufficiently for Bush and Karl Rove. To borrow a phrase from Mark Russell, who would be on the Amiright Mount Rushmore if we had one (with Weird Al, Allen Sherman and Mickey Katz), we can now say about Dubya, "He's beginning to look a lot like Nixon." Of course, thanks to Nixon's pal/former law partner John Mitchell, Gonzales doesn't have to worry about being the worst Attorney General ever.
Stormin Norman the nag - March 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Good song choice, it evokes some sense of sympathy for little old Al, who is a victim as well as a perp, and soon to be checking out of, and leaving, the Hotel Al-is-gone-yeah. On the U.S. Attorneys thing, let 's not lose sight of the little tidbit the Administration slipped into the Patriot Act that set the stage for putting in these new attorneys for the rest of Bush's term _without_ requiring Congressional confirmation.....
Yoidy - March 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Very good! 555
More 111s, biatch! - March 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Anyone who hates Bush (our greatest President since Reagan) is a traitor who hates the USA. And anyone who takes the lamestream-media-generated pseudo-scandals seriously is a lamebrain. Obviously, therefore, you are a lamebrain traitor who hates the USA.
More 555s - March 17, 2007 - Report this comment
More 111s, you are a f*cking moron. Crawl back up your fetid ass, douchebag.
Phil Alexander - March 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Mr Biatch: I can only hope that you're saying that for effect, and don't actually believe the concept that anyone who hates your inarguably dumbest president since Reagan is a traitor... 'cause that would be really quite remarkably stupid, too.
Michael Pacholek - March 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Let's be totally fair here, Phil. Reagan wasn't dumb. He was just un-engaged in a childlike way, and, to borrow a phrase from a smart President (if a fictional one), he raised it to the level of a Zen-like thing, and he shouldn't have enjoyed it so much. Nor was Dan Quayle, a better "son" to Bush Sr. than George W. has ever been, ever as dumb as George W. With Bush, to use another "West Wing" saying, we really are looking at a .22-caliber mind in a .357 Magnum world. And to "More 111s": To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. You don't like those words? Take it up with the man who said them, Theodore Roosevelt. A Republican President. And a pretty good one. Unlike yuh boy Georgie. You punk.
Much More 555's - March 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Nicely said, "More 555s". The person who calls himself "More 111's" is a painen in everybody's flugen.

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