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Dylan Baranski - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment

Well I'll be durned, Mike! I never thought I'd see you parodying the post-'75 Bee Gees. Then again, one of the reasons people parody songs is to improve upon bad songs (*cough* iwantitthatway *cough*), so I could see why you parodied this song. Anyways, excellent parody & 5-5-5 pumpkin bombs for you.

Syncronos - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment

Ab-so-friggin-lutely BRILLIANT! Why can't I vote thought? Something wrong with the page?

Syncronos - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment

Never mind...it counted my votes. All 5s, man. Brilliant!

Michael Pacholek - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment

Thanks, Sync. Dylan: I know the *cough more than a cough* feeling.

Ann Hammond - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment

He, he, he, he

alvin - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment

i always enjoy your work but this is one of your best ever in my book

John Barry - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment

I've not no interest in the franchise, but your parody caught me in its web.

stuart mcarthur - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment

brilliant MP, and no better line than "I'm Peter Parker, my suit is kinda darker" - fantastic - and I loved the point you made in the preamble - aint that the truth bro (they did a similar thing to James Bond in Octopussy too, I think, when he was dressed as a clown for fifteen minutes - very undignified and totally wrong - although not as wrong as Roger Moore for the role) - 555

Michael Pacholek - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment

I must confess, Stu, I ripped off that line from "It's Still Octopus To Me," from the second movie: "Don't you know about the new villain, Parker? A real big reason why this film is kinda darker." But then, I also came up with the classic, "Try to get with that cute Mary Jane Watson? You're being evicted, might be sleeping in a Datsun!" And will someone please tell me what was wrong with Roger Moore? He was the best Bond of them all. I suppose you wanted to keep George Lazenby? The Australian Bond? Bruce Willis is from New Jersey, but I wouldn't want him as 007!

Peregrin - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment

Great stuff, MP. As an Aussie I wanna weigh into the bond debate. Lazenby ? Nooooo ! That was embarassing :( I would have kept Connery on longer. Agree about Willis, keep him on that asteroid.

stuart mcarthur - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment

*blinks* MP! Roger Moore the best Bond?!?!
Definitely the worst, and then daylight to second worst. I just rewatched Live And Let Die last month and it was embarrassing. You asked for reasons - he has two facial expressions: "one arched brow" meaning he's serious and/or there's a plot development happening, and "flirtatious smug half-smile" for all the rest of the time. There's no darkness to him, and if you've read all the Ian Fleming novels as I have, you'll know Bond was a very very dark dude - sadistic, cruel, cunning, cool - the opposite of Moore - the exact embodiment of Connery in Doctor No, and maybe a bit OVER-represented in Daniel Craig. Top three: 1.Connery, 2.Craig, 3.Lazenby. The rest were all wusses. Lazenby has never done anything since, and is not a good actor, but he was quite a good Bond, and "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" is the 6th best (no, now 7th best) Bond pic of all time

...................imho ;-)

Dylan Baranski - June 01, 2007 - Report this comment

I take it you don't like Boston's song "More Than A Feeling", Mike.

Robert J. Pagliaro - June 01, 2007 - Report this comment

Lazenby wasn't that bad. Stuart, I'm surprised that you didn't like Dalton after reading Fleming - to me, Dalton is probably the closest to Fleming's Bond. I believe that Moore once admitted to never having read Fleming. I think I'd go 1) Connery 2) Dalton and 3) Field. bob

Michael Pacholek - June 01, 2007 - Report this comment

Oy vey... "Live and Let Die": Rosie Carver: "They'll kill me if I tell you!" Bond: "And I'll kill you if you don't." Rosie: "But you wouldn't... not after what we just did!" Bond: "Well, I certainly wouldn't have killed you before." "The Spy Who Loved Me": Moore/Bond makes it quite clear he doesn't want anyone, not even the all-time hottest Bond Girl, Barbara Bach, talking about the late Tracy Draco-di Vincenzo-Bond. "For Your Eyes Only": Bond is so agnry at Blofeld (they couldn't call him that for legal reasons, but come on) messing up his paying his respects to Tracy that he drops Blofeld down a smokestack. A rather sadistic way to kill someone. Don't tell me Moore wasn't tough or edgy. Lazenby, in retrospect, suffers because of the way "OHMSS" was shot, making it look like a cross between "Midnight Cowboy" and "Easy Rider" with all those scene-shifts. But he looked a little too much like Rod Serling for me to take him seriously as Bond. I liked Dalton and Brosnan, and I wish each had made at least one more. Craig took a little getting used to, but by the end of the film, I was convinced, and so was he. That's why he didn't say, "The name is Bond, James Bond" until the very end. Connery? I guess I was biased against him because of all the people who slammed Moore. It also didn't help that I saw Connery a few times before I ever saw one of his Bond movies, and by that point he was bearded and balded. So, to me, he wasn't "my Bond." Moore will always be. But Tobey Maguire makes a far better Spider-Man than Nicholas Hammond, and the guys who voiced him in any of the cartoons. Even, especially, with all the whining: Spider-Man whines a lot. Dylan: There's a lot of things about the city of Boston I like, but not the band. Or the sports teams. (Yanks-Sox starts again tonight.)

Robert J. Pagliaro - June 01, 2007 - Report this comment

I agree that Lazenby suffers because of the filming - he also did his own stunts, I believe. Brosnan suffers because there were too many special effects. I don't want to speak for Stuart but Moore suffers because - in a sense - he's mocking Bond and by extension Fleming. Michael, interesting comment on the Craig movie - I started to watch it and stopped because I couldn't get past the opening scene - came back to it a week later and really liked it. (The chair torture is right out of the book.) Pick up the "Casino Royale" spook (with Sellers, etc.) on DVD - it includes a kinescope of the very first James Bond outside of books - a one hour live CBS Mystery Theatre with Barry Nelson as Jimmy Bond and Peter Lorre as Le Chifre - Bond is an American. As a Mets fan in a Yankee town - Let's Go Sox!

stuart mcarthur - June 01, 2007 - Report this comment

Bob - I got excited about Dalton at first because finally we were rid of Moore (remember how bloated he was in Octopussy?) and Dalton seemed exactly right, but they never actually used Dalton in any of the films - they actually used a wooden plank with his likeness glued onto one side - Brosnan was a pretty boy whose heart wasn't in it - just doing it for the money, which is why the special effects had to, and failed to, carry his films - and I totally agree about Moore mocking Bond, which he had no right to do, esp. not having read the books. MP - I had assumed it was because you grew up with Moore, because that was the only explanation I could think of and understand, so thanks for confirming that, but those scenes you mentioned honoured the script not the actor - Connery would have done those scenes proper justice, whereas Moore hammed or play-acted his way through them - I agree Barbara Bach was the most stunning Bond girl, but hands down the worst actress - try watching it again - I'm sure they cut most of her spoken lines out - she applied for Charlies Angels (the time that Shelley someone - the 5th angel - got the role) and didn't get past the first screentest. Watch Doctor No again MP, especially his first appearance, in the casino, where he says "Bond, James Bond" for the first time, and the scene in the hotel room where he cold-bloodedly shoots an intruder, and there's never been a cooler classier darker dude

Dylan Baranski - June 01, 2007 - Report this comment

Two words, Mike: YANKEES SUCK!

Robert J. Pagliaro - June 01, 2007 - Report this comment

One of the greatest Bond-girl moments has to be Ursula Andress as Honey Ryder coming out of the water in Dr. No - in fact, if you watch Halle Barry in Die Another Day - it's the same scene. Stuart - try to get a book called "Colonel Sun" by Robert Markham - it took me years to find this. Robert Markham is Kingsley Amis and was the second Bond author after Fleming. The book may actually be more violent than Casino Royale - which has to be Fleming's most violent Bond work.

stuart mcarthur - June 01, 2007 - Report this comment

Bob Bob Bob! - we need to get a room! (sorry for hogging your thread, MP)

As a teenager I bought Colonel Sun in its week of release, which was about 1973-ish, very excited that finally there was a new Bond to read (I still have it, with Colonel Sun's face in reflector-shades on the front) - I remember thinking it was okay, and then I hit the Sun-torturing-Bond's-eardrum-with-needles scene towards the end, and I was just rivetted with horror - they never made a film of it, but that scene will always be with me

as for Bond girls, that should be a thread of its own - Domino in Thunderball, Bond's Japanese "wife" in You Only Live Twice, Tatiana Romanova (who I appreciate much more now than at the time) and of course Britt Ekland and Teri Hatcher and Emma Peel! (Diana Rigg) in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" who hated Lazenby so much she would chew garlic before their love scenes - and Kim Basinger's first ever movie role in Never Say Never Again, where she was just a vision of blonde beauty

btw it's your excellent point about Roger Moore mocking Bond, that I was originally trying to make about Bond being dressed up as a clown for fifteen minutes. There is NO WAY Ian Fleming's James Bond would ever have dressed up in a clown outfit (for Britain, for the free world, or otherwise) - and that indignity summed up everything that was wrong with Roger Moore and the clueless Bond film producers who conceived that scene at the time

Robert J. Pagliaro - June 01, 2007 - Report this comment

Sorry Mikey, we've taken over your thread. When we all get together Stu and I have your Sammy Adams covered. Actually, Colonel Sun was published in 1968 - but kudos to you for reading it in '73 - my read was 20 years later. I got a first edition for $30 at The Mysterious Book Store on 52nd or 53rd west of 6th. A bargain - I'll check to see what my cover is. As I'm sure you know, there are multiple covers for the books. Have to re-read but the eardrum scene took place in a hole or a prison cell, right? There also was something about man eating plants? Domino will be the name of my next female dog - 'nuf said? (Especially if the dog has a clubbed foot.) And Tanya? How can you not like a woman who is oogled by Bond and Rosa Klebbs? Loved Maud Adams by the way. Fleming's Bond didn't have a sense of humor - which is why I put Dalton up there. And, he read the books. Fleming was a master at description and detail - the golf match in Goldfinger (book) is an entire chapter. In the Spy Who Loved Me, not only is a fictional woman given credit as a co-author, Bond doesn't actually enter the book until nearly 3/4 of the way through. Finally, do we all know that he wrote Chitty Chiity Bang Bang in one day? Stuart - get the original dvd of "Casino Royale" - you have to see the 1953 live CBS version. (If you're in NYC, I'll messenger it over to you - but it's probably only $10). Thanks for the room offer but I prefer size 2 blonds. Later bob

stuart mcarthur - June 02, 2007 - Report this comment

LOL about the Sammy Adams, but I'm good for it - it was my favourite US beer when I was over there in Palm Springs last year - I had (and still have some) of the old chewing gum cards from the first 3 movies (the gum came out after Goldfinger was released) and my fave is of Rosa Klebb with the dagger in her shoe which they had to ink the outline of

I remember the fuss about Dalton reading the books (a Shakespearian actor they claimed, who attends to his characterisations dutifully) - that's why I was so excited at the prospect he might be good (sigh)

I still have my copy of The Spy Who Loved Me paperback and it was one of my faves because it was so unusual, and it gave an interesting slant on Bond, as he was an outer character seen through the heroine's eyes. When they were about to bring the movie of that name out (after "Live And Let Die" that was still true-ish to the original novel) I wondered how they could do it and still retain Bond as the star, until I saw what they did, ie. completely rewrite the thing, keeping only the title - and that's what they've done ever since, to my great disappointment, until the latest Casino Royale

if I'm ever in NYC (and my wife does want to go to see the Joffre Ballet there) I'll take you up on your loan offer mate :-)...ciao - stu - and yes Maud was nice (the only one they used twice I recall)

Michael Pacholek - June 02, 2007 - Report this comment

Stuart: Moore was bloated in "Octopussy"? I couldn't tell, because I was watching Maud Adams, who still looks great, by the way. Although there was a line on "Mad About You" where Paul Reiser said he was "feeling kind of puffy, you know, like Roger Moore in 'Moonraker.'" I guess Dalton was the successor to Connery while Brosnan was following in Moore's footsteps. "Doctor No" was okay, but Connery got out-acted by both Ursula Undress (Freudian typo) and Joseph Wiseman in the title role. In fact, he always got out-acted by the bad guys, and you can't say that about any of Moore's opponents except Christopher Lee ("The Man With the Golden Gun"... and later a Red Lightsaber) and maybe Yaphet Kotto ("Live and Let Die"). Also, Claudine Auger as Domino doesn't get enough credit, but I found "Thunderball" terrible otherwise. Also, 007 would do anything for Queen and Country -- and after the alligator scene, the clown outfit was actually a step up. Finally, it's "Joffrey Ballet." Joffre was a French Marshal of World War I. Robert: I've never heard of that bookstore, but there's "The Mysterious Book Shop" in Lower Manhattan at 58 Warren Street. But I refuse to drink Sam Adams during baseball season. Not that New York has produced a decent beer in ages, unless you want to count Rheingold, and I can't drink that because it's The Other Team's beer. And did I ever mention that I HATE SCOTT PROCTOR?

Robert J. Pagliaro - June 04, 2007 - Report this comment

Michael: The Mysterious Bookshop (129 W 56th btwn 6th & 7th Aves, 212-765-0900, www.mysteriousbookshop.com). Have you tried any of the Brooklyn beers? (Lager, Pennant Ale, Pale Ale, etc.). Rheingold is back, by the way - just like "that other team". Stuart, actually Maud Adams was in three Bond movies. I hate the Yankees, by the way.

Dylan Baranski - June 05, 2007 - Report this comment

Hey Mike, this parody has inspired me to write my own disco song about Spider-Man

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