Quickly need to hide before the guards see the bad things
I can't see the slammer, that's the truth
But I have a play that's never failed, not one botched swing
Just follow my lead as I snog you

"Ooh love, ooh lover's joy
Lovers in the night (ooh, what joy)"
Then once they're gone, grab all the stuff
Always fall for the good old-fashioned lover ploy

Ooh, P.D.A.'s a great scheme (it's smarter, smarter)
Ooh-ooh, ev'ryone wants to leave (ooh-ooh)
"Just leave the weirdos to their sloppy lovin'"
Since they can't interrupt us, after all
It's super rude to go disrupt romancin'
Always works as long as you don't gag

"Ooh love, ooh lover's joy
Lovers in the night (ooh, what joy)"
Awkward kisser? Don't be bitter
'Cause it just won't matter once the loot is sold

There's no time for you to plan an escape (you're good at that (sad but true) but it needs time)
So you'd better loosen up those lips, mate, snog you, snog you
Pure ploy, there's no hint of love, pure ploy, no secrets, no
Simple false passion with my good old-fashioned bullshit lover ploy

Ain't my first false kiss, done all the time (you can ask around (they'll back me) when we get this all locked up)
I think I've kissed them all at least twice
'Less the age-gap's high or they're a douche, plan there shifts slightly
The former? "Lost 'cause old"; latter? Bait time (dick's dead? Whatever)

"Ooh love (there they go again), ooh lover's joy (must be good old-fashioned lovers, joy, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Lovers in the night (ooh, what joy)"
Better hold me tight, don't read deep, I
Do this just for the good old-fashioned, fashioned lover ploy