House, with people, you don't get along
'Cause ... they're p*ssed you're always right, not wrong
With three doctors that you own [1]
You treat them like a drone
Dismiss sarcastic'lly
You're very much like me
(In common, lots, TT)
House, you're always popping Vicodin™ [2]
Pain.... misdiagnosed, an awful sin [3]
You ... shot Cuddy in behind [6]
For once, she didn't mind
There's so much that you know
Makes other docs feel low
(But justified: e-go)
House never says, "I and she" [7]
Only "us": John and he [8]
He used to say, "Stacey, me" [9]
Broke up thus: injur-y
House, most patients, do you turn away (wants work, not play) [4]
You .. don't listen to a word they say (signs point the way) [5]
Brusque? I'm short on "patients", too ;-)
I think and feel like you
TT's a grumpy louse
Wish I had a friend like House
No spouse
Like House
Espouse:
Me: House
[1] The competition for fellowships under the tutelage of Dr. House, the world's greatest diagnostician, was intense. Despite the winners being highly qualified, he calls them names like "moron", and speaks sarcastically to them, when their minds can't keep up with the lightning pace of his. (Good thing there's nobody here like that, eh? ;)
The three chosen, per the "rainbow rule" (self-explanatory, one hopes): Dr. Foreman, because he's black; Dr. Chase, because he's Australian, and Dr. Cameron, because she's *hot*. (Yowsa!)
[2] Vicodin, trade name for hydrocodone: An opioid, meaning a synthetic version of the natural pain-killers derived from opium, like codeine, morphine, and heroin.
Opium: the extracted juice of the poppy seed. (You wondered why poppy-seed rolls and bagels were so popular, right? ... Ultra-sensitive drug tests have tested people positive for opiates after eating a large quantity of tasty poppy seeds.) Dorothy, in "The Wizard Of Oz", fell asleep in a field of poppies...
Why the synthetics? Because you can't patent a naturally-occurring substance, and drug companies can't make any money from drugs they can't patent. Period. The natural substance, morphine, is much better at controlling, say, extreme post-surgical pain, and with fewer side effects, than its synthetic competitor, Demerol™, trade name for meperidine. You're just going to have to trust me on this, 'k?
As for why House takes it, keep reading.....
[3] House needs a cane, walks with a limp, and is in constant pain in one leg. In a flashback episode, we learn that he himself sought medical treatment for leg pain, was dismissed by several different doctors as having merely an overuse injury or strain: over-the-counter pain meds, rest, ice, compression, elevation (RICE, standard treatment). After four days of this intense pain getting even more intense, *someone* finally did the various scans, etc., and discovered an embolism (clot) in the leg's artery. By that time, surgery was required to remove muscle tissue that had died, but could have been saved by a prompt and correct diagnosis. Result: permanent partial disability and pain.
(Spooky coincidence: TT had leg/knee issues, and was also treated not so competently, but unlike House, eventually found a non-standard, experimental treatment that worked, relieving the pain after only a quarter of a century or so. ... No public details, please, but if this is of personal use to you or a loved one, email TT, and be prepared to follow secure-channel directions for the sake of privacy, as "e-mail" is really "e-postcard" -- *lots* of people can read it as it travels across the info superhighway.)
We then understand more of his impatience, especially with his team; his general mad-at-the-world attitude, and specifically, at doctors less intelligent and analytical than himself. He is driven -- keep reading....
[4] Because of the near-ruination of his life by medical misdiagnosis, House is driven to be the world's best diagnostician -- doing what he wishes his doctors had done for him. Combined with a genius IQ and a zero tolerance for boredom (Hey,
"Life ain't easy with a high IQ", ya know!), he takes only the toughest cases, the ones whose symptoms could be from any of a number of diseases, and which "ordinary" doctors can't figure out. Often, they're also dying from their illness, which adds a lot of pressure to diagnose promptly so that treatment can begin promptly (not to mention that the case has to be solved in a one-hour episode, minus 18-22 minutes for commercials, leaving only 38-42 minutes to work magic). "Easy" cases don't interest him, and he refuses them.
[5] House doesn't like talking with patients, but would rather just analyze symptoms ("signs", in the echo line) and test results. Quote, perhaps paraphrased, from memory:
"Everybody lies. Symptoms don't lie. If we don't talk to them, they can't lie to us, and we can't lie to them."
Not that far-fetched, really. Imagine, say, that you, the doctor, suspect an STD, and the patient's spouse or significant other is in the room. You wanna imply openly that their beloved might be cheating? And is the patient going to admit to the affair(s)? ... Lots of other episodes in which patients concealed various vital information for various reasons. So, you go on what you know....
[6] (Out of order from here on, because [3] led naturally to [4] and [5], whereas this line matches "behind" in TOS, though in a different sense, of course.)
Dr. Lisa Cuddy, Hospital Administrator and Dean of Medicine (it's a teaching hospital, like most of the best are), is constantly trying to cope with House's non-conformist, screw-the-rules attitude, as well as his snappy sarcasm and rudeness to his boss (her), often in front of staff, patients, public, donors, etc., all the more irritating because he's almost always right. They're constantly at each other's throats, which, of course, implies a love-hate relationship, with sexual tension boiling beneath the surface, though neither would ever admit it....
Cuddy wants to have a child, but has been unsuccessful. Being single, she doesn't want anyone else to know of her efforts (in vitro fertilization, etc.). In one episode, she needs a hormone injection to facilitate the chances of pregnancy, so out of all of her admiring, trusting, subservient staff .... well, whom would you think she'd pick to give her the the "shot in behind"? (Not a bullet -- fake-out!) The only doctor she truly trusts....
He surprises her by *not* making wisecracks while telling her to turn around, bend over, and lift her skirt.
Cuddy, befuddied -- er, befuddled: "I'm sorry, it's just that I've never seen you be professional before." ZING!!!
[7] Perhaps due to devotion to his practice and resulting sheer lack of time for courting and relationships, or more likely, due to his fear of genuine emotional intimacy and attachment, House is probably the only sympathetic protagonist on TV who is openly described as frequenting prostitutes. Money is easier than time and love... (This is where House and TT part company, thank you. Never have, never will.)
Some reference is made to an abusive childhood at the hands of a perfectionist father, which would account not only for House's perfectionism, but also for the distrust of authority (Dr. Cuddy, e. g.) and of people in general, as well as the fear of emotional bonding -- not that doctors should be emotionally bonded to their patients (a lot of whom die, for one thing), but to other doctors, friends, etc. Over-compensating, Freud would say, by constantly snapping at his team and at everyone else in the world.
[8] House's only true friend: Dr. John Wilson, an oncologist (cancer specialist). Were we just talking about patients dying? ... Any-way, Wilson is much the opposite of House. Several divorces, serial relationships, because he is out to save the world of *humans*, versus House: "We don't treat people, we treat illnesses." (I disagree somewhat, though I understand House's POV.)
Sadly, Wilson's "savior complex" extends to finding women who need "saving", i. e., dependent, needy, troubled. Wilson is much more passive, accepts House exactly as he is (lucky guy, House, to have one person in the entire world who accepts you exactly as you are ... anyone here that lucky?), but isn't afraid to be blunt when House needs it, even if it hurts them both. Constantly sarcastic to each other and playing practical jokes, etc. -- like with Dr. Cuddy, except without the sexual thing underneath. The perfect, and only, friend-match for House.
Fave line was to the effect that they remain friends, not because of, but rather in spite of, each other.
[9] One serious relationship, which the leg incident played a part in destroying. (No spoilers, in case you've not seen it and might.) Yet another reason to fear re-attaching to someone. And naturally, she shows up again, many years later.... (Psst! House! Try sheep! No attachments, no divorces, no ... etc.!)