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Song Parodies -> "Sven (Kramer - 'Wrong-Lane' Olympic Speedskater)"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Michael Jackson

Parody Song Title:

"Sven (Kramer - 'Wrong-Lane' Olympic Speedskater)"

Parody Written by:

Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

*Beautiful* live-performance video of Michael at age fourteen, with accurate lyrics in easy-to-read font at the bottom, not obscuring -- why can't *all* OS videos be like this one?

Sven, on fast track for gold medal score
Keen to match the one you won before
In 5000, how you shone [1]
Prepared for you: A throne
All Netherlands could see
Speedskating royalty

Sven, the heavy medal fav'rite there
Nerves: steel; confident, entitled air [2]
Stiffed, Dude-- golden dream denied
Your coach stood on the side
Laps counting, so you'd know
How many left to go

"The time was right, so said he
Inner lane: I was free
But coach was wrong; didn't see
Skate a 'bust'… DQ'd me" [3]

Sven, your coach should maybe move away [4]
Join the Peace Corps or the CIA
I think that's what I would do
If I were in his shoes
If my fault it had been
That the gold was lost for Sven

For Sven
Poor Sven

[1] Kramer set an Olympic record in the 5,000 meters earlier in the competition.

[2] Kramer did not win many friends in the international media when he called an American reporter "stupid" during an interview.

[3] Kramer turned in the fastest time, but was disqualified for skating in the wrong lane for the final eight laps, a result of incorrect instructions shouted to him by his coach.

[4] Speedskating is HUGE in the Netherlands. Sven Kramer is a big celebrity there, and the Dutch are angry! (Don't make them angry. You wouldn't like them when they're angry! -- Dr. David Banner.) One huge front-page headline, over coach's head: BLUNDER. Yep.

© 2010 Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 3   0
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

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Max Power - February 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Also one of the lulziest screw ups yet!
Old Man Ribber - February 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Yes...the coach is orange with embarrassment! ;D
TJC - February 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Phil Nelson - February 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Yeah I heard about that! Excellent parody and didn't know the original until I copied the link. 5's
Christie Marie M - February 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Excellent trib to Sven! Talk about a cruel fate due to the fact that his coach cost him that gold! Great sequel to the 2010 Olympic Athletes! Heck, you guys should make separate albums pertaining to topics, like the 2010 Olympics for instance! Sven may not have won the gold but you earned 555 gold medals for this one!
Mark Scotti - February 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Hialrious treatment of a OLYMPIC size scew up! He should have hid in his shell after that one!
Svendetta - February 26, 2010 - Report this comment
I think Sven will get some svengeance by putting a skate to his coaches nether regions.
Fiddlegirl - February 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks to all!

Max Power: No kidding!

OMR: Orange you glad you're not he? ;)

TJC: LOL... Thanks!

Phil: Never heard the OS before? Now you know the real meaning of the phrase "ignorance is bliss"... (hehe) ;) Thanks for v/c, as always!

CMM: Cruel, indeed. As big a "horse's behind" as he is reputed to be, I do actually feel pretty sorry for him. :(

Mark Scotti: Olympic-size is right! If they have some kind of witness protection program there, he should apply. :)

Svendetta: *Ouch!* (I think there might actually be laws against that...)
Tommy Turtle - February 27, 2010 - Report this comment
Sorry I'm late, everybody -- got caught up in the Olympics.

Max Power: I'm afraid the ax'll fall on his coach ;)

Old Man Ribber: Maybe he was juiced at the time? That would explain it!

TJC: Svending you a thank-you-svery-much!

Phil Nelson: Thanks.

Christie Marie M: Are we in the running for most golds? (wink). Would those albums go gold (wink#2)... thanks for v/c!

Mark Scotti: Too bad he didn't have one! Yep, that's why mine is always there! "Olympic size screw up", for sure. Well said! Thanks!

Svendeatta: It's about what's deserved. ... not to one-up you, but "put a skate to his Nether Lands"? Funny punny comment as-is -- thanks!

@FG: LOL @ reply to OMR!

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