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Song Parodies -> "The Hitch Attack"

Original Song Title:

"The Bitch Is Back"

Original Performer:

Elton John

Parody Song Title:

"The Hitch Attack"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I got Hitched during my hiatus. Now I’m posting the banns. Encapsulating the plot twists of the master’s films in short song parodies is challenging. Nevertheless, I tried, after first doing a take-off U2’s “Vertigo.” From there, the project—much like James Stewart’s character in that film—spiraled out of control. I ended up starting with “Murder” (1930) and desecrating all features from there through “Family Plot” (1976), his last film. I skipped “Rich and Strange” (1931) and “Waltzes from Vienna” (1934) because I couldn’t find them to view. Because of the respective lengths of a feature film and a pop song, I’ve often focused on one aspect of a given plot, though sometimes I’ve tried to cover more. I’ve also taken liberties—some larger than others. Apologies in advance to Hitchcock cognoscenti and aficionados. Plot summaries for all the films can be found on various websites, such as and Wikipedia. In some cases I employed summaries to refresh my memory about films I’d seen years ago and didn’t re-watch.
Hope you’ll justify giving some fives
For the spate of flicks to arrive.
Time I’s wasting on the oeuvre of that
Director who enjoyed hors d’oeuvre.
It’s true: Hitch was fat.

So I spent my days in the write
On thematic take-offs for amiright.
And I stitched up a mess of unfocused tunes,
Which I’ll ply for a stretch—at least I don’t croon!

It’s a Hitch, it’s a Hitch, it’s a Hitch attack;
I chose most o’ those in which show folks yak.
His a rich, it’s a rich oeuvre; I suggest you view
Every movie he made. . .maybe skip a few.

He entertained; was some prigs’ bane—
“Psycho”’s bowl drove them insane.[1]
Career’s over, that’s a sad fact,
But his films live on, so grab ’em,
Watch some Hitch and snack.

If my Hitch, if my Hitch, shtik-of-Hitch attack
Don’t go over well with folks—it won’t last.
Please don’t Hitch-knock; my Hitch schlock is over soon.
Though there’s many a tune. . .
Won’t sing; I don’t croon.

[1]The first time a toilet had been shown flushing in an American feature film.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

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 5   3

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Old Man Ribber - March 15, 2011 - Report this comment
JAB - Today it appears that you've "Hitched" yout wagon to a star. Here's a cool suggestion - like Hitchcock in his movies, why not give yourself a mention (cameo appearance) in each of your Hitchcock parodies? Anyway, as Barry Foster (Rusk) said in Frenzy, "Love-ly! Love-ly!". ;D
AFW - March 15, 2011 - Report this comment
"And now, fo the commushul, ofter which time, I shawl retuhn..." interesting rundown on old HC..
John Barry - March 15, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks, OMR--interesting suggestion. Maybe I'll try some retrofits.
Thanks, AFW.
WarrenB - March 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Hmmm. Big fan of Hitch, read a few of his biographies. Strange fellow, but what would you expect from such a keen mind. Can't wait to see the rest of your Hitch tome.

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