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Song Parodies -> "Tony Comstock"

Original Song Title:

"Crocodile Rock"

Original Performer:

Elton John

Parody Song Title:

"Tony Comstock"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Anthony Comstock (1844-1915) was a "morals crusader" against "obscene literature." In 1873, he founded the New York Society for the Suppression of Vice. His legacy: He's an eponym for "Comstockery," term coined by one of his victims, George Bernard Shaw, to describe opposition to realism in art and literature, which Tony viewed as bony.
Tony Comstock

Can't say "member," "spend" "c*ck," "scuzz," "hung."
Tony don't want you to have fun.
Holdin' hands leads to hot hormones.
Tony plays the heavy concerning more's tones.
He's the biggest hick and wants to stop
Any sex mentions, does Tony Comstock.
He'd like to keep words under key and lock.
He's a sex-lexicon cop, this Anthony Comstock.

Bluenoses, bluestockings have bought Comstocking
To defeat the social ill.
They want to fetter writers' rhymes; it gives them a cheap thrill.
Their wordy grammar is so uptight
Then Suzie shows her ankle—fright!
Get this bare flesh right out of the young boys' sight!

Years went by; Comstock'ry didn't die—
Still practiced by those with gimlet eyes. . .
Long nights, parsing, to make sure it's all clean,
Keeping it all sexless so it can be seen.
They try to kill every skill that's wrought—
It's spurned and snubbed by this Comstock lot
That sap and weaken venues that get thrashed.
Comstockery's not just something from the past.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   2
 4   1
 5   3

User Comments

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Johnny D - August 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Extra credit given for bringing a timely history lesson out of obscurity.
Dee Range - August 02, 2004 - Report this comment
From all the artists,such as Lenny Bruce and many more, you couldn't have said it better
Ashkicksass - August 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Love this one too. Great theme today, John!
John Barry - August 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, JD, Dee, Ash!
Michael Pacholek - August 02, 2004 - Report this comment
If you can find it, check out "Choices of the Heart: The Margaret Sanger Story," starring Dana Delany in the title role and Rod Steiger as Anthony Comstick. Steiger always made a great villain.
John Barry - August 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks for the tip, Michael. I see it's a 1995 TV movie so probably hard to find.

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