Tony Comstock

Can't say "member," "spend" "c*ck," "scuzz," "hung."
Tony don't want you to have fun.
Holdin' hands leads to hot hormones.
Tony plays the heavy concerning more's tones.
He's the biggest hick and wants to stop
Any sex mentions, does Tony Comstock.
He'd like to keep words under key and lock.
He's a sex-lexicon cop, this Anthony Comstock.

Bluenoses, bluestockings have bought Comstocking
To defeat the social ill.
They want to fetter writers' rhymes; it gives them a cheap thrill.
Their wordy grammar is so uptight
Then Suzie shows her ankle—fright!
Get this bare flesh right out of the young boys' sight!

Years went by; Comstock'ry didn't die—
Still practiced by those with gimlet eyes. . .
Long nights, parsing, to make sure it's all clean,
Keeping it all sexless so it can be seen.
They try to kill every skill that's wrought—
It's spurned and snubbed by this Comstock lot
That sap and weaken venues that get thrashed.
Comstockery's not just something from the past.