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Song Parodies -> "Take A Chance On Sheep"

Original Song Title:

"Take A Chance On Me"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Take A Chance On Sheep"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

For once in his life, TT was minding his own business, having enjoyable chats with Pippin about the entire sheep-shagging parody genre at AIR, which Pip and Merry may actually have started with their January 2004 bash, "Sheepster"
    Then Andy Primus shoots an e-mail, rather late Wednesday night TurtleTime, saying he's got his APie ready to post for today (Friday), and challenges TT to come up with something to accompany him. Couple that with the Pip convo, throw in the usual alien paro-beams, and .... ;)

OS video with pretty good lyrics on screen here.
    Very cool OS music video, back in the day when they were all *hot*, and with some echoes added, here.
        Since the echoes weren't in the original version, they weren't done here, in contrast to TT's first stab at TOS. (WARNING: Said link is about, um, uh, "feminine hygiene products".)

Sick: unchanging whine?
Wife, accursed, is thine?
"Honey, not", will she --
-- Take off pants? "Who, me?"

If you're needy, pout, she, "No!"
"Got a headache, pound"
She will not unlace and show?
No more peeling down?

Leaves you all alone?
With her petty girlfriends, flown?
Money: mall, wants she
For a fancy spree?

Wanna do her cherry nest
But her plaint, "Kite, fly"?   [1]
If your putz is due for zest,
Here's a better try:

Take a chance on sheep
(They'll pull the task for you, Buddy)
Do the dance with sheep

Sheep: no romancing
No endless talking:
"Are Ange, Brad, still together?"
Jissin' when please *you*, Dick!
Lady: lust, balking
Pet for hour to get her

Why so slow to trot?
No touch when you want her to?
Want to cream, but alone, do you?
Spritz, tragic
You want it; she leaves you bare?
Get laid; have a love affair?
Divorce stinks, you know
She'll transplant your dough

Whiff'll change your mind
Try your first ovine
Fun 'n chum: Bo Peep
Rake, implant some sheep!

Grief? Shrew? Greedy? Fret, bestow?
"Drama queen", she's crowned?
Give you tw*t, no? "Face"? -- "Go blow!" ?
No more kneeling down?

If blue ball, bemoan
Never, t**ty? Guards her throne?
Sonny, some's still cheap
Put your shvantz in sheep

"M'donna" de-ny? Rarely blessed?   [P]
"Man, restraint!", crow, cry?
Life kaput? She's too repressed?
Spiffy pet glee, guy!

Take a stance on sheep
(Come on, give it a shake, will you?)
"Stake" your lance on sheep

No, you can't make her "Mom--Baby"
"Tyin' "? No worry   [2]
Knowin' no regret, you
Ewe won't disconcert thee
Rubber? Don't carry
Syph' ain't "gonorr-" get you

Quite repel you, cow!
Why, I've "fist" long enough
Disgust at stings and guff
No vagin'

You, lay? You lay chaste; what crime!
Butt? I can't get you oft "inclined"
Though I pant; sweat, so
So I leave; ewe, go

If estranged, you'll find:
Calm your thirst, entwine
"Bunny" lamb: thrill spree
And entrancing? ¡Si!

Quit the pleading; vet the ho'
'Gainst the sheepish mound
Have a shot! It's apropos!
An appealing "pound"

If befall: a bone
Pin a pretty, furry clone
Yummy, bum will be
Make advance! Bon? Oui!

Though a ewe: quite hairy chest
Lay you constant-ly
Lot afoot: free pubic fest
Snake in gland, Son, see?

(Take a chance, give a glance, go and prance with sheep)

Baa baa baa baa baah, baa baa baa baa baah

Hunger: lust, wee-wee?
Slake it handsomely
"Ruminate" a Merry miss
Lady won't? Scr*w fleece!
Tasty pippin; they're the best   [3]
Inexpensive piece

(May perchance, s*x, enhance: great expanse of sheep)

Baa baa baa baa baah, baa baa baa baa baah

(Willy, slimy seep?)
(Ne'er askance; flock sheep)

[repeat until you fade, then come back as often as you like]

[1] Verrry old joke:

Man is flying kite in back yard.
Kite is flailing all over the place.
Wife says, "I think you need more tail."
Man: "I wish women would make up their minds."
Wife: "Huh?"
Man: "When I told you that last night, you told me to go fly a kite."

[2] "Tyin'" -- as in, "tying the knot"

[P] Pacing Cops: The "M" in "M'donna" here is like the "p" in "pneumonia" -- it' ilent. Thank.
(Q: So why not just go with "Donna"?)
(A: For the "virginal" reference, and irony of being "blessed" with s*x.)

[3] "pippin" -- any of several delicious varieties of apple.

(Private message to Pippin: Having already lauded TT for never having seen "Sound of Music", how many more cultural-moron points does he get for never having read or seen "Lord of the Rings", and thus not having made the connection to "Peregrin" until Wiki'd just now? ... or are you the African-American lad on board the Pequod in "Moby-Dick", which TT slept through in high school?)

A thousand thanks to ABBAAAAH for putting the "Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa" in TOS, but ... "gonorr-"? ...TT tucks head in shell, crawls off in shame, and vows never to curse this place with his miserable existence again....

© 2012 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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TJC - August 17, 2012 - Report this comment
The supreme Soup'her Sthoopper emerges from some 'delta' or other to carapace us to yet another happy ending. Lexcellence abounds...flockin' great!
In sum: "...entrancing? ¡Si!"
Patrick - August 17, 2012 - Report this comment
Reminds me of the Greek restaurant that set up a booth at the Blue Springs, Missouri carnival last year. They were serving lamb with rice. When I heard the price, I almost said "F... that!". But I went ahead and paid anyway. So, even sheep take me for money.
Peregrin - August 17, 2012 - Report this comment
That was sEWEper! I particularly liked "Fun 'n chum: Bo Peep". Thanks for the M&P shout out and in the same verse as well!

As for this: "Tasty pippin; they're the best". Ah, how trEWE. Regrettably, I have never had much luck convincing others of this :( I've offered free samples, 'try before you buy', all to no avail. I'm sweet and delicious, but you have to take a bite before you know that!

As for this: "not having made the connection to "Peregrin", I have been called many things in my time, but African-American is a first! So, no.

As for this: "never having read or seen "Lord of the Rings"" - I have seen it but was left wondering what all the hoo-haa was about. Beautiful scenery, but for me it was a rambling disjointed tale that went nowhere and took hours to do so. Merry and I do not see eye to eye on this subject...
Calmelennie - August 17, 2012 - Report this comment
This is a little known fact, TT, but Leon Trotsky was not bludgeoned to death in Mexico City. That was a cover story by the Trotsky-ites. In truth, Trosky suffered a massive heart attack while humping a sheep, making him history's first "died in the wool" Communist. And I thank you
Tommy Turtle - August 17, 2012 - Report this comment
TJC: Grassy-a*s!

Patrick: LOL! ... sorry that your luck with the flock is worse than TT's.

Peregrin: Sorry, old chap, but this is a 100%-straight turtle, so will have to pass on your kind offer... hey, I can't help it if the Wiki disamibiguation page for "Pippin" lists the kid on the Pequod. You should go there yourself, and see how many refs were *not* in the parody! ;-D ... tried reading "The Hobbit"; gave up afrer a few sentences. I sympathize with the partner discord in taste, if you know what I mean :wink:

Calmelennie: You are quite welcome! But now you've scared TT out of his fave pastime, so no thanks to you... (j/k! of course!)
TT PS @ Peregrin - August 17, 2012 - Report this comment
"Moby Dick" = "a classic of American literature", my hindshell....
Peregrin - August 18, 2012 - Report this comment
101% straight non-turtle here, so have no fears!
Tommy Turtle @ Peregrin - August 18, 2012 - Report this comment
At first glance, took that to mean that you were (straight up, as in "no lie") 100% non-turtle. Of course. Turtles mating with humans would be as unlikely to reproduce as turtles mating with sheep (yay, non-reproduction! ;), so how could you be part-Turtle? ;-D

The question remains: If you didn't like LOTR, why take his character's name and nick for your nick and nick? (Or just call yourself "Nick", heh!) No, seriously?

(*Optional, strictly*) Origin of TT's nick is in the following parody, but it's an even longer read than usual to get there, so no worries.
Peregrin - August 18, 2012 - Report this comment
Merry made me, ha ha. Being a hobbit has had its advantages.
Brock O'Brahma - August 18, 2012 - Report this comment
I've heard through Harry Reid's infamous un-named source that BArAck oBAmA has an evolving (ewe-vulving?) vi'ewe' of these types of alTTernaTTive re-lay-shun-sheeps. As for me, I can only quote AABBAA and say, "Thank you for the m'ewe'sic"[sic](as it is) ;)
AFW - August 18, 2012 - Report this comment
A good textile write... :).and very well woven, I must say....
Andy Primus - August 18, 2012 - Report this comment
So I see that you did have it sorted in time. Now, after ewe've finished with your ovine dalliance, you can have it sauteed in thyme. No lambasting from me but possibly some lamb basting from you.

Fave lines:
She'll transplant your dough
If blue ball, bemoan
Syph' ain't "gonorr-" get you

I didn't get where the M & P names were from either because I've also never read or seen "Lord of the Rings"
Tommy Turtle - August 18, 2012 - Report this comment
Peregrin: OK, I think ID need to K any more.... ;-D

Brock O'Brahma: Obama would come out in favor of human-sheep narriage in a hearbeat, if sheep could vote. ... Oh, wait, in Illinois, sheep *can* vote -- along with dead people, infants, etc. Expect a dramatic announcement any day now.
    Or where you merely referring to his mesmerized supporters as "sheep", which gave rise to the term "sheeple"? ;)
    Dang you, you think just like TT. (Get help -- *quickly!* ;) --- "mewesic" was followed very closely as "The day the ewe, sick, died" and "But the man there said the ewe's sick; wouldn't play":

AFW: Funny and punny as wool-ways!
Peregrin - August 18, 2012 - Report this comment
Andy: Funny that, Merry assured me I was the only person in the whole wide world...good to see there are others of my kind out there!
Dave W, - August 19, 2012 - Report this comment
What sheep humor...but ewe know ,it's irresistible..(lyrically speaking ,of course)
Tommy Turtle - August 19, 2012 - Report this comment
Andy Primus: Sorry, we must have cross-posted. Just saw your comment now. Many thanks for gyro-ic praise and "sheesh!"-kapop of fave lines -- and for the inspiration/motivation.

So, there are three of us non-LOTRs. Before you know it, we'll form a society of non-fans, perhaps with our theme song being Joe Jones' big hit, "You Tolkien Too Much". ;)

Had no clue to "Meriadoc", either. How did we ever live before Wikipedia?

"Meriadoc is a name of Brythonic origin, corresponding to Meiriadog in medieval and modern Welsh, Meryasek (or similar spellings) in Cornish, and Meriadek in modern Breton. It was Latinized as either Meridiadocus or Meriadocus.
Among the persons, real or otherwise, carrying the name "Meriadoc" or its variants, are:

  * Conan Meriadoc, semi-mythical king of Brittany in Gaul
  * Meriasek, Breton saint, patron of Camborne
  * Beunans Meriasek, a Middle Cornish miracle play that relates the legends of the life of Saint Meriasek
  * Meriadoc Brandybuck, character in J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings

Toss in Merry's self-ID'd Cornish ancestry, and how could she have chosen anything else?
I'll bet that there are more clueless ones out there than the three of us.
    Whereas the famous Tommy Turtle, of course, was a producer on "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", has a 30-ft-tall statue in N. Dakota (not far from those of Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, etc.) -- oh heck, just search it at

(or, for the *real* story, follow the link given in comment to Pip a few comments above, as Pip has already done -- poor, brave lad! ;)
Tommy Turtle @ Dave W. - August 20, 2012 - Report this comment
Sorry, we must have cross-posted while TT was deconstructing Merry's nick. Thanks for the read and comment, and yes, TT can't seem to pry himself away from sheep -- parody-wise, of course. ;)
    (I theenk this is somewhere around #18. TT soooo needs to get a life! ;)
Meriadoc - August 20, 2012 - Report this comment
Tommy - just now got a chance to read your parody - weekends I am usually other-directed, delving deeply into grave matters (there will be a parody coming eventually on THAT subject); anyway, great job - many good lines, but I still got the biggest laugh out of the insertion of the OS's 'baaaas' ! :D

On an aside, Buenans Meriasek is the only surviving 'saints life' written in Cornish (out of 200+) thanks to that b*****d Cromwell finishing the destruction of the churches that HVIII started... :(
Norman Zavlandid - August 20, 2012 - Report this comment
Conan Meriadoc is a *very* famous name in the time frame of Brit history that I study. Great user name now that I see the Cornish connection as well as LOTR.
Meriadoc - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
The 'real' story of how we took our names is much more prosaic, but none-the-less amusing. Maybe I'll email you two about it someday... ;)
Tommy Turtle - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
Norman Zavlandid: I *did* see that movie! Arnold Schwarzenegger was great in it!

Meriadoc The Whoever: Grave-digging, eh? Should be good -- give me a heads-up if I miss it. As for OSs kindly inserting "baaas", The Beach Boys did the same in "God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You", and I'm sure you could *never* guess what that title was switched to (very little changed)... A certain type of (falcon/apple, take your pick) came up with a new comment pun there, which is not easy to do when all of the low- and medium-hanging fruit (heh! - apples) have already been taken.

Names? I get it already. You read/saw LOTR and liked it; you forced Pip to watch it; he didn't like it, but you made him take both writing nick and comment nick anyway. (No ESP here; he said all of that up above. ;)

Thanks for read and comments!
Meriadoc - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
Tommy - shhh! Pippin doesn't even remember where we first used those names and why I bet. It wasn't for parody writing though... Oh, I think he has a vague idea, but I doubt if he recalls the details.

As for LOTR, I read it in 12th grade, at the urging of a rather nerdy boyfriend of mine. I expected to hate it, as I don't care at all for Sci-Fantasy, but found it very entertaining. Would have never seen the movie except a friend I was staying with in '07 rented it. I would never recommend the movie to anyone; Pippin watched it of his own accord. Movie cannot hold a candle to the books, in fact, the movie was rather disappointing.
Tommy Turtle - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
Meriadoc: OK, my lips are sealed! (.... good thing turtles don't have lips, heh! ;) Re: "It wasn't for parody writing though" .... Hmmm.... "role-playing" comes to mind. ;-D

MoTTo in TT relationships: LOTR. (Leave Out The Ring) xD
Meriadoc - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
TT: No, I've done my share of role-playing in the past but only with people on my own side of the ocean. :) Let's just say it was to create an anonymous couple of alter-egos to an already anonymous couple of egos so that we could play more effectively in a muddy pond where the piranhas were gobbling the goldfish... So when it came time to write parodies, we were already set with monikers. :)
TT - August 22, 2012 - Report this comment
Merry: You do know that I'm on your side of the ocean, right? ;-D (j/k) xD

Thanks for the explanation. Love the running metaphor, as always. IFF (logical abbr) you wish to share details in e-mail, even TT's beak is sealed. ;)
Peregrin - August 22, 2012 - Report this comment
Re this bit: "Oh, I think he has a vague idea, but I doubt if he recalls the details."

That just about sums me up perfectly ...!
Meriadoc - August 22, 2012 - Report this comment
TT: Yes, but which of the four coasts? ;)

Re: IFF - that depends on how much respect you have for pond administration. Believe me, you don't wanna get me on a rant... ;)

@Pip: It does, doesn't it? That's why I luv ya. :)
Tommy Turtle - August 23, 2012 - Report this comment
Meriadoc: IIRC, you and Pip had the general region nailed down pretty well.... Besides, (tries to count on flippers; not easy) seems US has three coasts: Atlantic, Gulf, Pacific. (Latter would include Alaska, but water is way too cold for poikilotherms.) Wouldn't count Hawaii as a "coast", being merely an archipelago -- or was that Gulag? (Like Pip, gets confused on details.)
    Great Lakes? Fresh water, not for sea turtles, and far too dirty -- all those used rubbers tossed in. Or was it "rubber"? Like Pip, TT gets - you know. ;-D(

Current pond administration? Less than zero. Which ranks it only slightly below previous admin; TT has taken many shots at both. Rant away! -- even though "ranting" is something TT never does.

(waits for raucus guffaws to die down) Attitude toward Pip sounds like that of Prof. Turtle toward Eliza DoFiddle in "My Fair Fiddlegirl". *Speaking of which* ------

YESSS!! TT got FG a brief work furlough from prison, and the result will post this Friday, ChuckyTime!
("Make A Plug From Thee")
Meriadoc - August 23, 2012 - Report this comment
TT: Lost on that one - don't think I've nailed anything for quite awhile...

You forgot the North Coast. ;)

Much smaller pond I am thinking of, more of a puddle maybe.


Will look forward to it!
Tommy Turtle - August 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Meriadoc: "- don't think I've nailed anything for quite awhile..." Sorry to hear that. Is Pippin not Poppin'? heh!
    'Haps ask P re: his/our PM and E-M chats; he'll unlose you, so to speak.

North Coast? Having already excluded AK and Great Lakes, what North Coast? TT's turn to be lost.

Lost again on pond admin - pond or puddle. Keeping in mind that a turtle's brain is about the size of a pea. (true) .. but send any rant you like. Agree/disagree, at least you write well, unlike *some* ranters. ;)

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