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Song Parodies -> "Shvantz Is Clean (ABBA Hall Of Fame Induction Tribute, Vol. IV)"

Original Song Title:

"Dancing Queen"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Shvantz Is Clean (ABBA Hall Of Fame Induction Tribute, Vol. IV)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

This is not a racy parody, it's a a Public Service Announcement, continuing this week's trubutes to ABBA being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on Monday, March 15, 2010.

Besides, this is one turtle who would always wear his shell in a new relationship, until the whole STD screening routine was done.
Perk-you-up OS video with excellent text lyrics here.

Who'd take chance?
You could die
STDs: risking your life

See that guy
Lab test, seen
Provin' his shvantz is clean

Friday night, and I'm all aglow
Lookin' out for some quim; pro: no
Promise: I won't make you sick
Don't "got" anythng
You, Hon: One look, 'n let's swing

Neither gonorr' or syph, have I
Herpes, AIDS? I'm a choosy ... guy
Carefully, my c**k, use it; every single time
Get in the nude; take a glance
Go 'head [1], inspect my lance....

You'll find my shvantz is clean
Done; complete, the entire screen
Shvantz is clean; naught to treat; passed the whole routine!
Oh, yeah!

Make romance
"Come, alive"!
(Hoping you're not someone's wife)
See me, girl
Love machine
Friggin', but safe; serene

No diseases: concern is gone
Cleave: blem? Spurnin' this fem; won't ... spawn [2]
Looking for a hot ... Mother-- !
I believe you'll do!
Wanna get scr*wed? Let us "dance"
I have no ants in pants..... [3]

Chancres on shvantz, not seen
Ain't that sweet? (You're at least eighteen?)
Be my Queen; feel the meat: mighty "c-lean" cuisine,
Oh, yeah!

Life, enhance;
Tool, sublime
USDA grades it "prime" [4]

See this, girl?
Crotch ain't green [5]
Dig in! Advance the scene...

Riggin' the trampoline...

[repeat (boing, boing, ... ) to fade and frayed, but not 'fraid]

[1[ so to speak... (elision of "ahead", but, uh... ;)

[2] i. e. "blemish" on the Cleaver = no dice.

[3] Nor lice.

[4] US Dept. of Agriculture, responsible for inspection of meat products, etc. "Prime" = highest grade.

[5] Aside from the vivid imagery, also fulfills the "madatory" St. Patty's Day requirement for a green reference. ;)

This public service message was brought to you by, and © 2010, Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - March 17, 2010 - Report this comment
I'll "applaud" for this...your parody has made me nervous about using the term "clap"! ;D
T1k - March 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Educated and laughing at the same time - glad to see you got the "green" in there today.
AFW - March 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Sexually sophisticated
John Barry - March 17, 2010 - Report this comment
May the shvantz be with ewe.
Peter Andersson - March 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Clap! Clap! Clap! And apparently the powers that be here on Amiright also thought this parody was clean (enough for passing the adult material censorship).
Mark Scotti - March 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Fives for this whimsical "shell" game!!
LOL'ster n' Laugh'sputin - March 17, 2010 - Report this comment
LOL'ster: Okay, Tommy--Now you're really starting to Streep me out!

Laugh'sputin: I think this one's from 'Kama--' Mia!

Seriously funny work from, er, Tumessey Turtle?!
Phil Nelson - March 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Just heard the original recently. This was much more risque than ABBA was, and funny! 5's
Tommy Turtle - March 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Old Man Ribber: And that is much appreciated! :-)

Tik: Nice to accomplish two goals in one parody -- make that three! Thanks for v/c!

AFW: Which is better than being sexually fisticated... :)

John Barry: And may you never have a dam care in your life, and all the beavers you want.

Peter Andersson: It might have helped that there *was* a serious message behind it, one that *cannot* be repeated too often these days: Stay safe. Thanks for giving me the clap!

Mark Scotti: Just glad it didn't "rubber" the wrong way!!

LOL'ster n' Laugh'sputin: "Kama Mia" -- now, "there's" a title switchin' itchin' to be pitchin'! Go to it! (Also, "Karma Mia", though that would not have any intimacy implications.)

Phil Nelson: I expect we'll all be hearing a lot more of ABBA this week, what with the publicity from the incident being tributed. You might want to check out their music sometime -- its all on YouTube™ -- or then again, you might not. Thanks for v/c.
Debon - March 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Mr. Turtle, this was quite an ingenious lampoon of this peculiar song about a dancing monarch and truly an educational journey through the underbelly of disease.
Tommy Turtle - March 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Debon: Thank you very much. ("underbelly" of disease -- was that deliberate? LOL anyway!;)

(FWIW, I don't think the song being lampooned implied an actual monarch; only the leader or best at dancing -- like calling Elvis Presley "The King", or Michael Jackson" The King of Pop". But I could be wrong. Cheers.)
Christie Marie M - March 18, 2010 - Report this comment
A clean and "sterile" parody, Turtle! Great take on the OS and loved the way you put humor on the disease! 555.
Tommy Turtle - June 16, 2010 - Report this comment
Christie Marie M, belated thanks!

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