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Song Parodies -> "Lay A Glance On Me (The Strippers' Theme Song)"

Original Song Title:

"Take A Chance On Me"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Lay A Glance On Me (The Strippers' Theme Song)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Fiddlegirl was *not* involved in this production, for (cough) "obvious" reasons. In fact, it's just as well that she wasn't even around four years ago for TT's first stab at TOS.

(done while the "preview" pane wasn't working. Hope everything came out alright, so to speak. ;)
Cute video here.

Hey, you, stranger, eyein'
At my bust, so fine
You like what you see?
Lay a glance on me

Place is seedy, yep, I know,
But the best in town
If you'd like some lace to go
Watch me peeling down

So, you're all alone
In a t**ty bar, with bone?
Sonny, I'm not free
Need finance from thee

Do you like my "dairies" (chest)?
Please acquaint your eye
Or is butt 'n booty best?
On your lap, I'll lie

Lay some Grants on me [1]
(And all, I'll bask for you, Honey)
Buy a dance; one, free

I can go prancing
You can go gawking
And stare at my parts nether
Jissin' there, some, you, Dick?
Maybe, crack-caulking?
Glue me "all together" [2]

'Cause you know I'm hot
So much that you wanna do
Wettest dream: I go home with you
How tragic!

You want me completely bare
Alone in your private lair
But I think you know
That the boss says "no"

As I bump and grind
How you thirst and pine
Bunny on your knee
Shake your lance at me

If you need me, let it snow:
Euro, buck, or pound
Have a hot embrace, then show:
An appealing mound

In my private zone
I'm as pretty: Sharon Stone
Money, let's agree
Make advance to me [3]

Giving you a merry breast
Touch on t'ain't and thigh
Has your putz a new request?
It's no sweat; I'm spry

One lap dance from me
(Come on, I'll make an ache fill you)
Be entranced by me

Oh, you got lots of time, Baby
I'm in no hurry
Come, not gonna let ya (bet ya)
You so wanna squirt me
Strafing the furry
I might yet abet ya (pet ya)

Let you smell me now...
My fluffy thong, to slough
Get past my string, to muff
It's magic [4]

You play? Hey, don't waste my time
Bud, You want some of *my* behind?
Then a C-note, show
And then shove it, low

An exchange designed:
Reimbursed: mankind
Funny, nothing's free
Jake, enhance my fee

I'm a greedy slut, you know
Wanna see, ungowned --
-- Ev'ry naughty place, aglow?
Make a deal "downtown"

If your balls still groan
For my "kitty", words, don't drone
Honey, I'll thrill: three --
-- Of my friends, and me

That makes four, or eight "abreast"
Dude, you'll rant with glee
So a-cute-ly be impressed
For your shvantz, a spree

(Take a chance; make romance, pay expense to me)

(Boob boob boob boob boob)
(Ta ta, ooh, la, la)

Are you Sade, Marquis?
Or a Dominee?
Wanna do my berry nest?
I've no STD
Each week, put me to the test
There's no chancr' on me

(Drop your pants, take the stance, go to France with me)

('Bout some booty, Bob?)
(Lemme' do your knob)
Hon, I guarantee
Let your fancy free...

[ fade lights to dim, then dark -- probably just as well]

[1] The U.S. $50 bill bears the portrait of Ulysses S. Grant, POTUS from 1869-1877.

[2] i. e., glue her back together, and "in the altogether" (nude).

[3] Both meanings: "advance me some cash" and "make (romantic) advances".

[4] Truly.

Private message to John A. Barry: 81 minutes, research, footnotes, and links included. But the title switch and concept were the kind that "write themselves". (Though they'd write themselves a lot faster if they didn't have to go through the flippers to get to the keyboard.) As TT says, "Let TOS talk to you". .. yes, it's weird. (English translation: Syllable-matched parodies, usually thought to be an arcane art, are actually much *easier* -- and faster -- to write.).

Private moments shared with anyone interested: TOS has always been an upper for TT; always got the energy pumping while Roller-blading™ ice skating, or snow-skiing (the fast rhythm was perfect for moguls). Same with "Dancing Queen". Come to think of it, ABBA was the most "recent" of TT's fave groups. ;)

© 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

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Andria - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
I wasn't even around four years ago! (I was around in 2001 and '02 a little bit, poked my head in a bit in '07 and came to stay in '09) , so I couldn't have inspired this parody (It seems to me like I kind of play second fiddle to Fiddlegirl in TT's eyes)

And for commentary on the parody, it's excellent, and syllable-matched parodies are actually easy to write, as you said. Some people here (most regulars know who I'm talking about) can't seem to grasp that. 5s.
Mark Scotti - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
I think even the ABBA girls would strip down to this. They were nice looking, in their day...
Old Man Ribber - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
What a splendid "take - off"! Dipping into my roll of 555 one dollar bills. Maybe I'll do a companion piece to the tune of Bach's Air For The G String. ;D
Andy Primus - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Hilarious - now how about "Blowing me: hoing ewe", "Does your mother blow?" or "Thank you for the ewe chick"
TJC - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Mama Mia! There'sa some spicy, er, 'meat balls'!
TMGLTM though favs are: "If you need me, let it snow: Euro, buck, or pound Have a hot embrace, then show: An appealing mound" and
"Are you Sade, Marquis? Or a Dominee? Wanna do my berry nest?"

Here's an appealing mound of 5's for thinging this thong about the lappiest place on earth!
Patrick - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
If this song were ever recorded I'd have to have a pornograph to play it.
Phil Nelson - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
DKTOS but funny naughty parody.
Christie Marie M - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
One of my fave ABBA songs! Yep, this OS fits the subject matter and I can imagine it played on strip joints! Well paced, and loved the way you varied those choruses! I echo all comments above! Look out for 555 types of lingerie flying!!
ForGet my even Saying my Name... - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
... but 555 in your lap. ;)
Tommy Turtle - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Andria: I'm truly sorry that you feel that way. Fiddlegirl and I have collaborated on 80 parodies in the past seven months, with more coming this week (maybe tomorrow) and many more in the future. That doesn't mean in any way that I don't value your votes and comments -- I *always* do! ... The reason that Fg was mentioned in the intro was that for the past several months, the collaborations have far outnumbered TT solo works. Just wanted to make sure that everyone knew that she had nothing to do with *writing* (nor inspiring) this one, as she is far too genteel to tackle this type of material (unlike TT, of course.) Thanks for v/c!

Mark Scotti: Indeed, they were - and that's an interesting image! Check the video for their looks in "their day". Thanks for v/c!

Old Man Ribber: LOL @ "take-off!" Don't forget the Minuet In G-string ;-D. Thanks for v/c.

Andy Primus: Way ahead of you on that first one!
Thanks for v/c.

TJC: LOL @ "lappiest"! - you should be getting the lawsuit papers from Disney any day now (wink).

Patrick: Do they make those any more? -- but LOL good! Thanks for v/c.

Phil Nelson: Thanks. As per outro, it's a nice, peppy, upbeat song. Click the link and check it out! Thanks for v/c.

Christie Marie M: I'll catch as many as I can! (uh, we talkin' 'bout yours here? Just checking!) Thanks for V/C/L! BR>
ForGet my even Saying my Name: You could always go by UnKnownVotress ... wait, that's taken... looking forward to those 555 lap dances; right now, all I have on is my laptop. ;) (thanks for "steeling" yourself to read this. I assure you, some of the school's "anchor list" was just as distasteful to moi. Think of this as TT's Revenge For Henry James.:)
AFW - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Good take off on taking it off
Patrick - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
AFW- That's what you said about my "Cowboy Chippendale" song.
Tommy Turtle - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
AFW: Thanks, lol ;)

Patrick: Hey, AFW is being "green" (like turtles, lol) - he's "recycling" comments!
Meriadoc - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
And we were worried about submitting "Paint it, Red" - hee hee...
Tommy Turtle - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Meriadoc: I know that *my* memory is going with age (even for a turtle) -- so no need to expect *you* to remember some of TT's racier things that have somehow gotten posted -- make both mine and yours this week look tame by comparison. (No examples/links without specific request, notarized and signed by two witnesses.
Thanks for v/c, hee hee....
The P.A.K's official song writer - March 15, 2010 - Report this comment
Tommy Turtle... boy, do you have quite a passion for parodies! Very, very well-written. We all know that a good parody isn't something you come up with in 5 minutes and have a pass to stardom. I've always dreamed of becoming like Weird Al and reading everyone's different parodies reminds me that there are a LOT of talented writers and the chances of becoming famous are small. Though that is, I like to think of the parody writers as one big family. Giving eachother advice and supporting one another makes us stronger each song. Fantastic job and shoot for your dreams- and that is said to every writer on AmIRight!!!! Love you all!
Tommy Turtle - March 16, 2010 - Report this comment
The P.A.K's official song writer: Thank you very much for the kind words -- but can you say who P.K.A. is, or is that a breach of privacy? (ok not to say)

Have sold a few parodies professionally (doesn't pay much), been a comedian and comedy writer (ditto), actor (pays better for us SAG types), and achieved most of my dreams. Just enjoy writing them, and any pleasure they bring to others is a wonderful lagniappe. Thanks again, and good luck to you!

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