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Song Parodies -> "(I Can't Work This) Da*n Contraption"

Original Song Title:

"(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"

Original Performer:

The Rolling Stones

Parody Song Title:

"(I Can't Work This) Da*n Contraption"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

The perfect song for that holiday gift that you eagerly take out of the box, plug in, turn on, and... Nice, printer-friendly OS lyric, with a couple of minor wording variations, here.
I can't work this da*n contraption
Tech Support phone: no reaction
So, I try, and I cry, device fry, and it die
I can't work it, What a jerk, it....

When I sit on hold an hour
And some guy comes on from India
And tells me his name is "Carl"
And fakes a Southern intonation
It only ups my irritation
I can't work this, oh no no no
Hey hey hey, I try all day

I can't get no satisfaction
Stay on hold till putrefaction
And I cry 'cause they lie, "Please stand by, you're next, guy"
I don't get this, I can't take this

When I plug in DVD
And a screen comes on and tells me,
"Set menus A and B"
Aglish [1]: Can't understand, so it don't evoke
No picture on my TV
I can't work this, oh no no no
Hey hey hey, it just won't play

Ties me up in spinal traction
Stress my guts to liquefaction
So I sigh and ask "Why? Why did I... ever buy?"
I don't dig this, I can't rig this

When I'm callin' round the world
And I'm pushin' this and connecting that
And I'm talkin' to Punjab girl
Who tells me, "Bud, you must be using the wrong technique"
'Cause you see, I'm not a techno-geek
I don't get this! oh no no no
Hey, hey, hey, throw it away

I can't fix this, I can't hack this
I can't work this da*n contraption
Drive to distraction, cause brain impaction, this da*n contraption!

[1] "Aglish" = "Asian English", the unintelligible gibberish in which most manufacturers' instructions are written.

I can't stay long here at AIR, but it's nice to visit old friends for the holidays. Actually, I've completed the Parodists Anonymous 12-step program for compulsive parodists. I've been parody-free for over seven months, so my counselor said I could post a couple of parodies as a reward to myself. Now I know how a reformed alcoholic must feel when taking a drink after a long period of sobriety, or an ex-smoker getting one drag after a long smoke-free period. So easy to fall off the wagon! Anyway, happy holidays, and may the New Year bring joy, love, health, prosperity, and peace to all. © 2006 Tommy Turtle.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Stuart McArthur - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
hey, welcome back TT! - and I laughed OL at your postscript - and a lovely reward this one is too - although you can't put "Punjab" in a parody and NOT get a laugh (I remember it was one of Cliff Clavyan from Cheers''s favourite places) - 555
Ann Hammond - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
lol this is perfect
alvin rhodes - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
frustrative tone fit the OS well...yes, welcome back...looking forward to seeing more from you
Paul Robinson - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Great job...reminds me of one I did quite a while back (he says subtlely), "The Software Support Saga of Bangalore Man" to the Beatles, "Bungalow Bill" tune. Are you sure we can't entice you back somehow? Perhaps with cleverly phrased remarks of a laudatory nature? Or with obvious and poorly concealed self-congratulatory praise? Or how about just some "5's"? ~ ~ ~
Tommy Turtle - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Stuart McArthur, thanks.. those 2 1/2 beers I owe you are still in the fridge... alvin, thanks... Ann Hammond, thanks... Paul Robinson, you're the guy who waves the bottle under the nose of the reformed alky, or lights up in front of the ex-smoker, or snorts in front of... you get the idea :) Great compliment, and thanks much.
Phil Alexander - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
OK, so I do the occasional parody, too. I can handle it. I could quit any time I wanted...

Great parody, TT :-)
Tommy Turtle - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Right, Phil, we all tell ourselves that... thanks :)

Paul, you win. The Duke University case had me so mad that I've already ripped one off and submitted it for whenever the next update is.
Paul Robinson - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
AHA! I KNEW you could be pulled back over onto the Dark side with just a few properly applied tugs...looking forward to seeing just what type of latent and suppressed parody story-lines will spill forth from your intellectual innards after they've been freed from Parody Gitmo...
Meriadoc - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
So sorry about your Aglish Anguish... :-) 5's
Below Average Dave - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Me Likes-555
Tommy Turtle - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Paul, it's only work-release... gotta go back... Meriadoc, good one, thanks... Below Average Dave, me thanks.
Michael Pacholek - December 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Sorry I've been away for so long, but this was fantastic.
Tommy Turtle - December 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Michael Pacholek, thanks... I've been away much longer -- no need to apologize :)

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