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Song Parodies -> "Splendid Grade of Splinter"

Original Song Title:

"Hazy Shade of Winter"

Original Performer:

Simon and Garfunkel

Parody Song Title:

"Splendid Grade of Splinter"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Jim Thome isn't the only one who's hitting Number 400 tonight. When most of us think of that number, we think of the last man to have a batting average of at least .400, Ted Williams, the Splendid Splinter. So, though a Yankee fan, and not inclined to salute the Red Sox, I thought what better way to register my 400th parody than to salute Teddy Ballgame. Maybe some day I'll copy Paul Simon and do a song that mentions Joe DiMaggio.
Bam! Bam! Bam!
See who's on a hitting spree.
Number 9 at Fenway Park
has a bite as bad as bark
he's not just a tease.
Writers are so hard to please.

Look around
Boston town
and this guy
is a Splendid grade of Splinter!

Had a Salvation Army mom.
She did not like baseball much.
But her son hits in the clutch.
Doubles will come.
He thinks your pitcher's a bum.

Look around
Boston town
and this guy
is a Splendid grade of Splinter!

Hang slider or curve, my friend.
That's an easy thing to say
but if Ted Williams swings away
simply pretend
he will not hit it out again.

Look around.
fastball's high.
Looking ripe.
In the springtime, gives you strife!

Ooooh, seasons go by so artfully.
Came back from Marine duty
way back in nineteen fifty-three.
Funny how the Red Sox slip
when to The Bronx they take a trip.
It happens each time.
"Hits?" Ted says, "I will get mine."

Look around
Boston town
and this guy
is a Splendid grade of Splinter!

Look at that!
Ball goes splat!
But Ted does not tip his hat!

Look at that!
Last at-bat!
Hits home run, don't tip his hat!

Look at that!
That's so phat!
Old man finally tips his hat!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   1

User Comments

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John Jenkins - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Congratulations on #400, Michael. Very good tribute with very good chorus variations. But couldn't you have done one parody about a Boston baseball legend without slipping in a Bronx cheap shot?
Michael Pacholek - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, John, but no. It was hard enough suppressing a mention of Ted being a Republican and taking a cheap shot there. But I was determined to not mention Ted's strange life after death. That would not have been splendid.
Paul Robinson - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Michael, First ballgame I ever went to was I believe in 1957 at Yankee Stadium. I was 7 - my Dad took me and a friend of mine to see the Yanks and the Red Sox. Ted Williams had a double and single and a walk, I think. But the Yankees won...Only other game I ever went to at Yankee Stadium was against the Washington Senators, either that year of '58...Only Senator I remember is lead-off man, Eddie Yost (3rd baseman, I think). OH...Yanks won that one, too...
Michael Pacholek - June 26, 2004 - Report this comment
I should have done this tally when I first posted this, but here it is. Out of 400 parodies: Political, 115 (George W. Bush 90, Arnold Schwarzenegger or Gray Davis 10, John Ashcroft 5, Howard Dean 3, Trent Lott 2, Rush Limbaugh 2, Mike Bloomberg 1, Tucker Carlson 1, Wesley Clark 1); Sports, an even 100 (Baseball 67, Football 16, Hockey 10, Basketball 5, TV & radio coverage 2); Pop Culture, 86 (TV Shows 35, Movies 27, Music 24); Eating, Drinking, Drugs & other Medical Parodies, 28; Amrighter Tributes, 20; Transportation Woes, 12 (counting the 2 about the '03 NYC Blackout); Work, 9; Gambling/Board Games, 6; Historical/Literary, 4; Legal Issues, 3; Animals, 3; Computers, 2; Everything Else, 11.
John Jenkins - June 26, 2004 - Report this comment
MP, it is interesting to note that after 11 days, this parody has four votes with a score of 4.0 in each category. In a way that is an appropriate vote count and score for this, your 400th parody, but I think you should have more and higher votes for this one.

In your tally of your topics, where are you including all of your parodies that praise John Kerry - in the George W. Bush category?
Johnny D - June 27, 2004 - Report this comment
This is actually rather good. I give it fives. Now call off the frickin' MP's, Sgt. Pepper.
Michael Pacholek - June 27, 2004 - Report this comment
This election is a referendum on Bush. Unless and until Kerry is actually sworn in (notice I don't say "Kerry wins," since we've been through that be-Gore), parodies that mention him are not officially ABOUT him.

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