Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost snipping off your nose
Yuletide carols being sung in the fire
And folks dressed up like Eskimos

Everybody knows a dead rat and some mistletoe
Help to make the season black
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to inject some smack

They know that Satan's on his way
He'll make the howling furies want to come out and play
And every mother's child is gonna cry
When they see that reindeer don't really fly

And so I'm offering this complex phrase
To kids from one to one hundred thirty two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Shitty Christmas to you!