34 MINUTES FROM WINDSOR

Hello, mother,
I had to call to tell why I haven't reached you by now.
As my dear darling, Sophie, she had a strop last night
And today we had a big row.

And I am only 34 minutes from Windsor,
Ah, only a stone's throw away from your home.
I would have called you before,
The reason is, there is more.

I fear I have to tell you
Sophie and I don't see eye to eye and haven't for years.
We both have others, lovers,
People who stop the fights and reducing both close to tears.

And I am only 34 minutes from Windsor,
Ah, only a stone's throw away from your home
I think it's grossly unfair,
I don't know when I'll be there.
But do you care?

(Instrumental interlude)

Oh, I am only 34 minutes from Windsor,
Ah, only a stone's throw away from your home.
Oh, I'll try to get there for tea,
But that depends on if she

Will let me go now, though now
She's changed the locks on all of the doors so once I go out
I can't return here, that's clear.
If I do go I'll never return, of that there's no doubt.

Though I am only 34 minutes from Windsor,
Ah, only a stone's throw away from your home.
I think here's what I will do,
As I have somebody new,
I'll start anew,
And I will never, ever go home again.