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Song Parodies -> "A Gown Without Pretty"

Original Song Title:

"A Town Without Pity"

Original Performer:

Gene Pitney

Parody Song Title:

"A Gown Without Pretty"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Presenting the 5th Annual Bjork Awards, for the worst in Oscar fashion. This wasn't easy (not to mention a day late), because there weren't a lot of bad ones this time, and I had to search a number of websites for them. Fortunately, there's always the good (Jessica Biel, magnificent in magenta; Beyonce's white gown, perhaps sending Jay-Z a message?), the bad, and the what-was-she-thinking?
(instrumental opening)

When you're young like Anne Hathaway
don't you wear giant bows that way.
Why are people dressing so?
Only Joan Rivers will know
what a gown without pretty can do!

If we stop to gaze upon the starch
that seems to be in Cameron Diaz' arch
shouldn't wear that on the stage.
Inspires Mr. Blackwell's rage.
What a gown without pretty can do!

Paltrow has problems.
Salmon-pink problems.
With ruffles all around her heart.
Come from Quebec
Celine wore that wreck
it ripped this watching guy's beady eyes apart!

Eva Green's dress, color of a cast!
Even love from James Bond would not last!
Faye Dunaway's still alive
but her taste did not survive.
Those shoes looked like slippers, with feathers, too.
What a gown without pretty can do!

(instrumental break)

My eyes need their own sunglass help
blinded by Nicholson's scalp.
And at twelve-thirty show still wasn't through.
What a gown without pretty can do!

No, there really ain't no pity.
What a gown without pretty...

can
do!

(instrumental close)
That's 12:30 AM, Eastern Time. In all fairness, I like Anne Hathaway. And that giant bow on the back did accentuate her terrific tush. (She's 24, no longer jailbait, so it's OK to say that.)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.6
How Funny: 2.6
Overall Rating: 2.6

Total Votes: 27

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   9
 16
 16
 
 2   0
 0
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 3   0
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 4   1
 0
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 5   17
 11
 11
 

User Comments

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John Barry - February 27, 2007 - Report this comment
High five for your haute couture dissection.
alvin rhodes - February 27, 2007 - Report this comment
i like the way you dressed this up
Arwen - February 27, 2007 - Report this comment
While I loved the parody, I balked at your "there weren't a lot of bad ones" comment. Oscar fashion is my thing. It's what I do. And I hated a LOT of dresses this year. I wanted to cry...shall I list my top offenders? Yes...yes, I will. Jennifer Hudson, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Jennifer Lopez (sorry MP!), Anne Hathaway, Gwyneth Paltrow, Penelope Cruz, Emily Blunt, Kirsten Dunst, Cameron Diaz, and Elisabeth Shue.

I know that some folks disagree with me, especially about Ms. Diaz and Ms. Lopez...but I didn't think either dress was flattering or pretty. Sorry. And the rest in my list just looked horrible.

Top honors go to Reese Witherspoon, who had me swooning...she just looked fabulous. And Nicole Kidman is my Oscar fashion hero...she has never let me down.
Michael Pacholek - February 27, 2007 - Report this comment
And now, to critque Arwen's critique of my critique. You agreed with me on Anne, Gwyneth and Cameron. Although I didn't say so, because there wasn't enough room in the song, I agree with you on Penelope (What was she trailing, a dozen feather-boas?), and, surprisingly, J-Lo. (Though anyone looks good standing next to Marc Anthony... it's a Michael Douglas thing, where I already hated him before he married "the woman I love.") I had no problem with Jennifer Hudson, Jada, or Kirsten; and I don't even remember seeing Emily or Elisabeth. (Emily's not related to James Blunt, is she? I hope not.) I also agree that Reese was magnificent, but I was disappointed with Nicole, whom I've loved for a long time. (In her case, I liked Tom Cruise and loved her before they were married, but liking Tom was a LONG time ago. I have no feelings, good or bad, about Keith Urban.)
AFW - February 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Fine satire on the Oscar attire
Stuart McArthur - February 27, 2007 - Report this comment
great parody, MP - and great stuff Arwen and MP

I too like to dabble in the fashion review stakes (especially concur about Reece - wow) - I recorded the red carpet just for the fashion - I'm getting gayer as I age I think

BEST
1. Reese Witherspoon - the pose with attitude, the eyes, the dress colour, the spanish folds at the bottom
2. Penelope Cruz - great blush colour, and great texture
3. Cate Blanchett's mermaid outfit - what a figure
4. Nicole Kidman, except for that shoulder bow thing
5. Jessica Biel - great colour - dunno about the belt
6. Helen Mirren (not token - her breasts were perfect)
7. Eva Green but mostly for the attitude
8. Rinko Kikuchi, except she needed a hint of cleavage

WORST
1. Kirsten Dunst - yuk
2. Gwyneth tried but was all washed out
3. Jennifer Hudson looked like a spaceman from The Jetsons
4. I couldn't get past Anne Hathaway's 2 black things
5. Cameron Diaz looked like a trash bridesmaid wearing an unfolded glossy white cardboard cake-box
6. Naomi Watts shouldn't have stood next to Nicole Kidman
7. J-Lo's dress billowed out from too high up, although I liked the jewellery rows

and here's hoping Angelina will return next year - btw 555

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