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Song Parodies -> "Eau de Bilge Below"

Original Song Title:

"Ode to Billie Joe"

Original Performer:

Bobbie Gentry

Parody Song Title:

"Eau de Bilge Below"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

It was the third of June;
We sailed out from the Delta to the Bay.
We'd let out lotsa cotton
Sails, which blossomed; we bailed away.
Post-dinner time we mopped up some slop
That had once been eats.
And the mate hollered out the porthole:
"Get those hawsers tied onto the cleats!"
And then he said: "I got some news
From the captain on the bridge.
He say, bilge below is buildin' up--
Pump it out till there's just a smidge!"

A swabbie said to the mate:
"Oh, feel free to lash me if you please.
The bilge below stinks, and it is rather dense
And amiships, geez!
Yeah, I'm sore, achin',
Just thinkin' about goin' down there now."
The mate said, "You have gotta tame
All the bilge below in this scow!
Now be a good lad or I'll go see
The captain on the bridge.
And howl, 'Bilge below is buildin' up,
'cause you lads haven't pumped a smidge!'"

He's bothered because they've elected
Not to go to the bilge below.
Pulls on grog, doughty crack: "Is this car'vel* Bounty?
Stick it, schmoe!"
But while they were talkin', they felt the ship lurch,
Though movement was slight.
Although there's peaceful seas,
The ship seemed to list right.
Meanwhile its cargo craw filled
With water, and on the bridge,
Yes, the cap sens├Ęd bilge below
By now had transcended a smidge.

The mate is filled with mean bile;
He's laughin' at swabs' hapless plight.
He's like Cook 'n' Bligh combined,
And his empathy is less than slight.
The bight has breached 'er
Yet the sailors don't drips belay.
Despite the seas swirlin' in 'er--
It's rum day--thus the delay.
It's sad--these awful churls are sotted and stewed
And ain't pumped out a smidge.
Meanwhile the bilge below is flowing upward
To the tall cap. on the bridge.

Then fear had come upon all the crew
When they saw bilge below.
They're bothered that the feckless sot men
To the hold did not choose to go.
They're in a vile mood. . .goin' down;
Proper caulking not applied--leaks spring.
Dank scow's swabbies dunked in deep;
They're wan and blue 'cause they are freezing.
The seaborne men rescued in time,
Picked up. . .sour funk, cold as a fridge.
Boat dropped down into the chummy water,
Gone's cap., last man on the bridge.

*caravel: type of ship

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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alvin - August 20, 2008 - Report this comment
hilarious story and a masterful job of pacing on a tough song
2Eagle - August 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Good job. No one has parodied this OS before.
John Barry - August 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Alvin, 2Eagle (actually, several have).
LilLashCakes - August 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Squeeze me -- Lash me -- Fluff me, Oh, Captain Jack, the sweaty Pirate ~Duke O'Seven Seas~
Invisible Boy - August 20, 2008 - Report this comment
I love story parodies as well as tales of the sea...This has it all...excellent
Tim Mayfield - August 20, 2008 - Report this comment
And the moral of the story (in true Aesop fashion): If at first you don't pump water, down, down you go.
Riotous water-logged tale.
AFW - August 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Quite a sea chanty, here....typhoon high fives
norCAL-lips0Honey - August 21, 2008 - Report this comment
2nd reading for Ms Gentry! I always liked her dusty voice! Good choice, Pirate Jack Barrow !
Meriadoc - August 22, 2008 - Report this comment
A smidge o' fives for ye.

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