I'm on the bridge with the captain - he's in charge
I get a call from an earthling girl named Marge
Why do they always have to come to me?

I'm on the horn - it's stardate 1968
An alien in strange language asks me for a date
Why don't they bother him instead of me?

He's a human, I'm a Vulcan
I got green skin, he has pink skin
Do I appeal to you more than your own kind?
Do you dream of green men in your emotional mind?

Or is it pointy ears that makes you want to love me ?
Kirk is more your type, you earthling gal
Thinking logical
Thinking logical.

Up to my ass in fan mail in my room
From every lass who wants to take me to the prom
Over and over they all say the same thing
It's fascinating.

Kirk's got a smile with teeth that could blind your eyes
I dead pan all the while - not like earthling guys
Now that's a guy with manly charm you can see
Hey, what'cha want with a nerd like me?

We're both Jewish, we keep kosher
He's the captain, I'm science officer
So it dawns on me when I wake up and find
We may look different but we're two of a kind.

But is it pointy ears that make you want to love me?
Blond earthling Jewish boys have sex appeal
Thinking logical
Thinking logical.

You can't have shiddach with a Vulcan
Jewish kids are all we'll have in common
Speaking logically
Speaking logically.

Instrumental ( Ooh, Mr. Spock! ) ( Well, I'm Leonard Nimoy. I play the part. ) ( Ooh, I think you're so cute! *KISS* and I'm just crazy about Tootsie Pops! ) ( Ooh, what I just did! I'm soooo embarassed. )

Can't you see that your human mind can't grasp my high mentality
I'm too complex for you - you could never handle me
When that old feeling comes I'm nasty as I get
So you better run along or I'll do something I'll regret.

Or is it pointy ears that make you want to love me?
There's more to me than that, can't you see?
Speaking logically

Shiddach with a Vulcan is so off the wall
An interstellar romance isn't very practical
Thinking logical
Thinking logical.

If you ever think at all
Think logical
Think logical.