Three in the morning and I'm sleeping in my bed
I get a call on the phone
My boss he wants me to come down to the office
But I just wanna stay home

Cops cant do anything right today
My car has a 'GOVERNMENT' liscence plate
I see paranormal things every day
I wonder what Mulder would say?

I'm FBI
When people die
I figure out why
When people die
I'm the private eye
I'm FBI
Lotsa people die
I'm FBI

Early in the morning in a town that's deserted,
I see some guys
I write this down so I can keep a good record
Then I give them a surprise
Use flashlights
Because it's night
A dozen bullets and I roll to the right
It turns out they're a cult and and they are practicing bad things
Crucifying monkeys and cloning pigs

Once we've solved that dark mystery,
We tell Skinner everything we did see
Another dream of Mulder in the Spaceship machine
He'll be gone 'till season 13

I'm FBI
When people die
I figure out why
When people die
I'm the private eye
I'm FBI
Lotsa people die
I'm FBI

This is not show biz,
TV is what it is
So dont put up a fight
But Chris Carter better get some ideas by sunday night,
Cause now theres nothing left to write.

Cops still cant to shit right today
But I think I found a huge conspiracy
Then the Marlboro man died so now I am free
If only Mulder could see me

I'm FBI
When people die
I figure out why
When people die
I'm the private eye
I'm FBI
Lotsa people die
I'm FBI

This is not show biz,
I dont know what it is
So dont put up a fight
But Chris Carter better get some ideas by sunday night,
Cause now he just can't write.pants