Ev'ry day they're fawnin' and it's drivin' me real nuts
He stares into her eyes and she returns, not seen them shut
Always lovey-dovey, carryin' on, ain't slowin' down
Wearin' a face so damn dopey, you'd think Snow White was round
But I have no problem with people deep in love
A little bit of schmaltz can be just fine
True, but you know that the problem with these two
Goes beyond "lost in each other's eyes"

Cause I hate their romancin', won't invite them to my place
All I want is a chat, but they're glued to the other's face
You think they'd quit their utter mush to breathe or somethin', but no way
So I hate their romancin', two twerps romancin' all day
Hate their romancin', -mancin'
Cause they spend their time in an amorous fugue
Hate their romancin', -mancin'
Though they're still somehow able to drive, it's true
Hate their romancin', -mancin'
I have to poke them to stop so I can ask "How are you?"

Isn't just the gazes, though, that makes them deserve fire
It's ev'ry word they say, it goes a little infantile
First one says "honey muffin", other one says "schmoopie-doo"
And once they start it up, my drinkin' game will then ensue
So I'll take a swig with each "baby" that they spit
Got high hopes that with ev'ry successive pint
Those "sweetie"'s will vanish from my brain, hate that crap
I'll pound these down 'til I'm all out of wine

Cause I hate their romancin', always givin' out pet names
I can't converse with that, hence why I'm gettin' all shit-faced
And by the time they shut it up, whole afternoon has gone to waste
So I hate their romancin', those twerps are sad and inane
Hate their romancin', -mancin'
Gotta roll my eyes when I'm lackin' in booze
Hate their romancin', -mancin'
Wish they'd tone it down cause they're killin' the mood
Hate their romancin', -mancin'
I'm gonna throw up a lot, wish they'd can the "cutsie-poo"'s

Separated, I have found they're still my closest friends around
But in the now? They cause diabetes with each sappy line

Cause I hate their romancin', hope it's just a stupid phase
They'll settle down from that, I'll not see one more doe-eyed gaze
Swear if they get more lovey-dove, out into song and dance, they'll break
So I hate their romancin', two twerps romancin' all day
Hate their romancin', -mancin'
Wish it was a crime so I could up and sue
Hate their romancin', -mancin'
Holdin' my lunch down, cause their "wuv" makes me spew
Hate their romancin', -mancin'
Even my own girlfriend wants them to cram it up their chute
Date their romancin', -mancin' (I hate their romancin')
Keep at it online, Facebook feed's now accrued
Hate their romancin', -mancin' (I hate their romancin')
All that they've typed down instead of proper news
Hate their romancin', -mancin' (I hate their romancin')
But I don't hope they'll break up, know that that will be worse, dude