Now usually I don't do this, but uh
You're showin' exactly how much you're nutritionally clueless

I shouldn't have to tell you-ou
But choc'late muffin wrappers aren't foo-ood
You shouldn't chew on those, you foo-ool
It's kind of like an unwritten ru-ule
Also: that black stuff on the gri-ill?
That's not seasonin', that's ju-ust fi-ilth
Not surprised that all your toa-oast
Comes out blacker than my shoe's hee-eel
Did you not learn about food, dude
In Home Ec at all? Geez, please
Stop drinkin' that milk, it's o-old
It's all covered in mo-old
Give your stomach a break, you dope (cut it out)

You're so clueless 'bout nutrition (-trition)
Eatin' things cause they glisten (glisten)
Doesn't mean that they're healthy
Need more than a dietician (-tician now)
Okay with Cocoa Puffs (Puffs)
But don't have 'em with rum (rum)
Cause that's not a milk replacement
Amazin' how much you're a dunce (dunce)

Chow down, chow down, chow down now
Chow down now, c'mon

Isn't just what you eat, thou-ough
It's how you eat stuff in loa-oads
Seven large meals in one do-ose
How can you cram it all down your throa-oat?
I can't believe what I'm seein'
Fourteen trays of crumbed fish 'n'
Two litres of Iced Coffee 'n'
No regard for nutrition
I'm tryna help you, dude
Don't say that you're hungry, please
That's no excuse for the tro-oves
Of fudge and iced vovo-os
Spread it out for ten days or so (cut it out)

You're so clueless 'bout nutrition (-trition)
Gonna make it my mission (mission)
To stop you eatin' sloppy
Which results in those emissions (-missions now)
With an egregious funk (funk)
Worse than an undead skunk (skunk)
I know healthy food, you hate it
But you also hate those nose plugs (plugs)

By now, you're a serial masticator (-cator)
Need to stop, it's not fair (fair)
I was gonna eat that later (later)
Not only do you eat shit (shit)
And large amounts, right (right)
You're also eatin' food that isn't yours, that's not right (right)
And you lack in manners, you're very sloppy (yeah)
Jabba the Hutt sloppy, yes, you're that bad, buddy (yeah)
You're missin' the point it's not because I'm snobby (yeah)
Just don't think you should eat ten tons of lollies
Need to get a clue, dude
Watch the way you eat, please
I would be callin' it gro-oss (yeah)
Understatement, I kno-ow (c'mon)
No, I'm not a "food hater", dope (cut it out)

I just care about nutrition (-trition)
Capable of cognition (-nition)
Don't spend days eatin' Sloppy
Joes with ranch sauce, I'd be retchin' (retchin') (c'mon)
I'm impressed with your gut (gut)
So bottomless and tough (tough) (yeah)
Still not invincible, buddy
One day it'll give out (cut it out), then what (what)?
You need to learn 'bout nutrition (-trition) (c'mo-on)
Real food groups you've been missin' (missin') (yeah)
Yours are screwed up totally
Hence this big ol' intervention (-vention now)
Put down that cake, you putz (putz) (yeah)
You hide that in your butt (butt) (uh-huh)?
Didn't mean that lit-e-rally (yeah, yeah)
But I wouldn't be shocked, you bum (bum) (c'mon now)

Yes, people have to eat
But not tha-at damn much
A couple da-ays ago
You found a run-down truck
And insi-ide you found
Donuts, mou-ounds and mound
Ate all o-o-of it
You see the problem now?