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Song Parodies -> "Coasters"

Original Song Title:

"Most Girls"

Original Performer:

Pink

Parody Song Title:

"Coasters"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

A man discovers the existence of a magical device to stop his coffee cups from making rings on everything...and it just blows his mind...
I need a place to put my mug
Keep on leavin' rings of muck despite a lack of drops
Say, you're a dude who drinks all day
Can't see messes that you've made
What's the secret? I get headaches from cleanin' rings
A simple trick will work?
Don't get all clickbait, jerk, just spill it to me
Drink coffee all day long, coffee leaves a scar
Coffee makes quite a gross mess
Where should I plant this "World's Best Grandma" cup?

Coasters are your plan for the drip-drip?
That's how you skip all the ring shit
That forms 'neath your mugs?
Coasters, small cork slab underneath, see
It's hard to grasp how it can be ev'rything I said I want
A plan to keep my crap clean, bud

Oh-oh, oh-oh (oh-oh-oh)
Oh-oh, oh-oh (oh-ooh-oh-oh)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-I-I)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

I (I) somehow missed this all along (-long)
And so now I'm at a loss (loss) at how much this helps me
Please (please), where the hell did you find these (these)?
Saved my desk from those awful rings (rings)
The destruction I've earned for not usin' my green (oh)
Tell my ass (oh) what they're worth (oh)
I'm runnin' (oh) out of clean (oh) CD cases, see (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
I've sometimes used a sock, sometimes used a tarp
Sometimes it's books that I've wrecked
Feel like a twat, this was there from the start? No, no

Coasters, how'd I blank out on this shit (coasters)?
I could've skipped on the drip rings?
That's not fair, that sucks
Coasters, kinda sad, don't be mean, please
Sometimes you can't know all, hand me ev'ry single friggin' one
You have so all my crap's clean, bud
Coasters, a small slab, just a thin thing (coasters)
Means no more sink loads of ringed shit (cause that blows)
Much less crap to scrub (much less crap to scrub)
Coasters, best invention for me, see
Cause I drink craploads of caffeine, got more uses? Might be, but
My plan's only for caffeine, bud

Oh-oh, oh-oh (oh-oh)
Oh-oh, oh-oh (yeah)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Oh-oh, oh-oh (oh)
Oh-oh, oh-oh (oh, oh yeah-eah)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (oh)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (oh)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Now my brain starts to hurt (oh)
How was this (oh) base technique (oh) kept secret from me? No (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Cause all I have to wash from this point now on
Are simply coasters, I guess
Ev'ryone laughs, this makes me feel so dumb, oh

Coasters, I can't stand how I missed this
One thing to skip, such a dipstick
I just want clean stuff (I, I just want clean stuff, really need some clean stuff)
Coasters are the plan, I'll take sixteen (coasters)
In case they snap, this is sadly somethin' that I must think of
I have no hist'ry with this stuff
Coasters, sense a plan by some dipshits (some dipshits)
To never spill about this trick (what assholes)
Let me not wreck stuff (can't wreck stuff)
Coasters: you all planned to get me, see
To drive me batshit, you banned me from learnin' about this stuff ('bout this stuff)
You assholes, need a slap soon, "bud"

Oh-oh, oh-oh
Oh-oh, oh-oh (oh, oh shit)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (want all your coasters)
Oh-oh, oh-oh
Oh-oh, oh-oh (deserve this crap? Better hand me)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (oh, ev'rything)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

I, I want all your stuff to replace all my wrecked stuff
Oh-oh, oh-oh
Oh-oh, oh-oh
Haven't flipped, man, I just see ev'rything that you've pulled off

Just imagine the whacked-out conspiracies that'll get pulled outta this guy's ass the first time the coaster sticks to his cup.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 5   2
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - July 19, 2018 - Report this comment
I thought this was going to be about roller coasters but drink coasters are pretty great too. You should have done it about that family member who is anal about using coasters but this is fun too

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